>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE.
WELCOME TO A "LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S DAY 11 OF DEREK CHAUVIN'S
TRIAL FOR THE MURDER OF GEORGE FLOYD, AND WE'RE BACK WHERE WE
STARTED, BECAUSE YESTERDAY, JUST A FEW MILES FROM THE MINNEAPOLIS
COURT HOUSE, ANOTHER BLACK MAN WAS KILLED BY POLICE.
IN THIS CASE, IT'S 20-YEAR-OLD DAUNTE WRIGHT, WHO WAS SHOT IN
THE MINNEAPOLIS SUBURB OF BROOKLYN CENTER DURING A ROUTINE
TRAFFIC STOP.
AFTER PULLING WRIGHT OVER, THE COPS DETERMINED THAT HE HAD A
WARRANT OUT FOR HIS ARREST, AND THEN, AS THE POLICE TRIED TO
DETAIN HIM, HE STEPPED BACK INTO HIS CAR, AT WHICH POINT AN
OFFICER SHOT HIM.
ANGRY CITIZENS PROTESTED ALL LAST NIGHT IN FRONT OF THE
POLICE STATION, AND THOSE PROTESTS ARE NOT LIKELY TO GET
ANY SMALLER AFTER THEY LEARNED THAT THE POLICE'S OFFICIAL
EXPLANATION FOR THIS SHOOTING WAS THE OFFICER ACCIDENTALLY
DREW HER HANDGUN INSTEAD OF HER TASER.
IT'S DANGEROUS WHEN A POLICEMAN CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE HOLDING A
GUN.
IT'S INSANE WHEN THEY CAN'T TELL IF THEY'RE HOLDING A GUN.
NOW YOU MIGHT THINK, "HEY, JUST DON'T TRY TO FLEE AND NOTHING
BAD WILL HAPPEN!" AND YOU WOULD THINK WRONG.
CASE IN WAY TOO MANY POINTS: THIS WEEKEND, FOOTAGE EMERGED
FROM AN INCIDENT LAST DECEMBER, WHEN POLICE PULLED OVER ARMY
LIEUTENANT CARON NAZARIO, PEPPER SPRAYED HIM, AND HELD HIM AT
GUNPOINT.
THROUGHOUT THE INCIDENT NAZARIO WAS CALM AND POLITE, BUT ALL
THIS WAS MET WITH HOSTILITY AND AGGRESSION, LIKE IN THIS
MOMENT.
>> YOU RECEIVED AN ORDER.
OBEY IT.
>> I'M HONESTLY AFRAID TO GET OUT.
>> YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE.
>> STEPHEN: WHAT A STRANGE WAY TO SAY "THANK YOU FOR YOUR
SERVICE."
POLICE TRIED TO PULL OVER LIEUTENANT NAZARIO BECAUSE THEY
DIDN'T SEE THE TEMPORARY PLATES ON HIS NEW S.U.V.
BECAUSE IT WAS A DARK STRETCH OF HIGHWAY, THE LIEUTENANT SLOWED
DOWN, PUT HIS BLINKER ON AND ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD,
PULLED OVER AT A WELL-LIT BP GAS STATION.
THE POLICE CHOSE TO TREAT IT AS A "HIGH RISK TRAFFIC STOP."
LIKE ALL DANGEROUS CRIMINALS, HE LURED THEM RIGHT TO A BRIGHTLY
LIT PUBLIC GAS STATION.
HE COULD'VE GOTTEN HIS HANDS ON CORN NUTS AND SCRATCH-OFFS!
BY THE WAY, IN THE BODY CAM FOOTAGE, THE TEMPORARY PLATES
WERE VISIBLE.
SO MAYBE INSTEAD OF GIVING POLICE DEPARTMENTS FUNDING FOR
TANKS, THEY SHOULD GET FUNDING FOR READING GLASSES.
THEY'RE LIKE $5 AT THE B.P.
STATION.
THIS ALL WENT DOWN DECEMBER 5, BUT THE FOOTAGE DIDN'T COME OUT
UNTIL NOW BECAUSE NAZARIO HAS FILED A LAWSUIT IN FEDERAL
COURT, ACCUSING THE OFFICERS OF ILLEGAL SEARCH, USE OF EXCESSIVE
FORCE, AND THREATENING TO DESTROY HIS MILITARY CAREER BY
CHARGING HIM WITH MULTIPLE CRIMES IF HE COMPLAINED ABOUT
THEIR CONDUCT.
THAT'S THE WINDSOR POLICE MOTTO: "PROTECT AND FUHGEDDABOUTIT!"
NOW, AFTER THE VIDEO SURFACED THE TOWN FIRED THE OFFICER
INVOLVED.
BUT THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT WOULD'VE HAPPENED WITHOUT THIS
VIRAL VIDEO AND MILLION-DOLLAR LAWSUIT.
SO WHERE DOES PROGRESS STAND TODAY?
FOR MORE, WE TURN TO "LATE SHOW" RESIDENT AMERICAN HISTORIAN
PROFESSOR JOHN THIBODEAUX?
JOHN, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
LISTEN, I KNEW YOU WERE ONE OF MY WRITERS, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
WERE ALSO AN HISTORIAN.
WHAT ARE YOUR CREDENTIALS?
>> I EXIST IN AMERICAN HISTORY, STEVE.
>> STEPHEN: FAIR ENOUGH.
JOHN, IN LIGHT OF THE LAST YEAR OF ACTIVISM, NOT ONLY IN THE
UNITED STATES BUT AROUND THE WORLD, I THOUGHT THINGS WERE
GETTING BETTER?
>> YOU THOUGHT WRONG.
>> Stephen: WHY DID I THINK THAT?
>> BECAUSE YOU'RE WHITE.
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
BY THE WAY, I GOTTA SAY, I REALLY LIKE THAT PROFESSORIAL
LOOK.
>> THANK YOU, I CALL IT MY "DON'T PULL ME OVER DRAG."
>> STEPHEN: OH, REALLY?
IS THIS THE BEST THING TO WEAR TO NOT GET PULLED OVER?
>> YES.
I USED TO THINK THE BEST THING TO WEAR WAS AN ARMY UNIFORM, BUT
I THOUGHT WRONG.
>> STEPHEN: JOHN THIBODEAUX, EVERYBODY.
WELL, THE STORY THAT KEEPS ON GIVING HAS GIVEN US MORE,
BECAUSE THERE'S FRESH NEWS ABOUT FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN AND
BOBBLEHEAD OF MATT GAETZ, MATT GAETZ.
LAST WEEK, GAETZ WAS IN HOT WATER FOR ALLEGED SEX
TRAFFICKING, PAYING FOR SEX, AND HAVING SEX WITH AN UNDERAGE
GIRL.
AND BRACE YOURSELVES, THEY'VE GOT THE RECEIPTS.
I'LL GREASE YOU WITH SOME GROSS GOSS IN THE LATEST IN OUR
RECURRING SEGMENT: "GAETZGAETE!"
>> HERE'S THE DEAL: I'LL BUY 12 BOXES OF THIN-MINTS IF YOU'RE
WILLING TO TAGALONG AND DO-SI-DO.
>> STEPHEN: ON THURSDAY, WE HEARD THAT GAETZ MIGHT GET
FLIPPED ON BY HIS PARTNER IN CRIME, FORMER FLORIDA TAX
COLLECTOR AND REALTOR WHO'S A LITTLE TOO EXCITED TO LET YOU
KNOW THEY SHOT A PORNO IN THIS APARTMENT, JOEL GREENBERG.
GREENBERG IS ACCUSED OF PROCURING FOR GAETZ SOME
PAY-FOR-SEX.
BASICALLY, A PIMP.
LATE THURSDAY, WE LEARNED OF A TRANSACTION INVOLVING GAETZ,
GREENBERG AND A THEN-18-YEAR-OLD WOMAN MADE ON VENMO.
YOU'RE DOING CRIME ON AN APP?
HOW DUMB ARE THESE GUYS?
IT'S LIKE ORGANIZING A HIT ON "WORDS WITH FRIENDS."
IN MAY, 2018, TWO VENMO TRANSACTIONS ON THE SAME NIGHT
SHOW THAT GAETZ SENT GREENBERG $900.
THE NEXT MORNING, GREENBERG USED THE SAME APP TO SEND THREE
YOUNG WOMEN VARYING SUMS OF MONEY, WHICH AMOUNTED TO $900.
OKAY, I KNOW THAT SEEMS INCREDIBLY STUPID AND
INCRIMINATING... AND IT GETS DUMBER, BECAUSE GAETZ LABELED
ONE OF THE TRANSACTIONS WITH THE MEMO, "HIT UP 'BLANK,'" BUT
INSTEAD OF A BLANK, GAETZ WROTE A NICKNAME FOR ONE OF THE
RECIPIENTS.
THAT'S LITERALLY THE DUMBEST THING HE COULD HAVE DONE.
HE COULD HAVE WRITTEN ANYTHING ELSE.
I'M GUESSING THERE'S A FOLDER ON HIS LAPTOP LABELED, "THE PORN
FOLDER OF MATT GAETZ, WAIT, NO, I MEAN TAXES."
BUT DON'T WORRY, GREENBERG HAD AN AIRTIGHT COVER.
'CAUSE WHEN HE PAID THE THREE WOMEN, HE WROTE THAT THE CASH
WAS FOR "TUITION," "SCHOOL," AND "SCHOOL."
NOTHING UNDER-AGE-Y ABOUT THAT.
IT REALLY MAKES YOU SOUND CREEPY, GUILTY, AND GUILTY.
AND THE ICING ON THIS STUPID CAKE?
AT THE TIME, ALL THESE INTERACTIONS COULD BE VIEWED ON
GAETZ'S PUBLIC VENMO PAGE.
HE GAVE INVESTIGATORS THE PAPER TRAIL!
IT'S ALL IN THE NEW MOVIE "CATCH ME IF YOU... AAAAND YOU
CAUGHT ME."
THIS WEEKEND, GAETZ DID WHAT ANY SCANDAL-PLAGUED POLITICIAN WOULD
DO: GAVE A BIG PUBLIC SPEECH.
HE TRAVELED DOWN TO THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S DORAL RESORT IN
FLORIDA TO SPEAK AT AN EVENT ORGANIZED BY "WOMEN FOR AMERICA
FIRST."
YES, MATT GAETZ SPOKE TO A GROUP OF WOMEN.
THE SUBJECT OF THAT SPEECH?
"ANYONE NEED A RIDE HOME FROM BAND PRACTICE?"
DURING THE SPEECH, GAETZ DESCRIBED HIMSELF AS A CHAMPION
OF WOMEN.
YEAH, HE'S A CHAMPION OF WOMEN, BUT HE THINKS IT'S LIKE GOLF:
THE LOWER THE NUMBER, THE BETTER.
BECAUSE IT WAS A SPEECH TO WOMEN, GAETZ QUOTED ONE:
>> I TAKE THE WORDS OF MARGARET THATCHER TO HEART.
"IF YOU WANT SOMETHING SAID, GET A MAN.
IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE, HIRE A WOMAN."
>> STEPHEN: MATT, I'M PRETTY SURE HIRING A WOMAN IS WHAT
YOU'RE IN TROUBLE FOR.
GAETZ EMPHASIZED THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH DAMNING EVIDENCE HE
PROVIDES AUTHORITIES, HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
>> SO LET ME ASSURE YOU.
I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT.
FOR THE COUNTRY I LOVE AND FOR THE NATION THAT I KNOW BENEFITS
FROM AMERICA FIRST PRINCIPLES.
>> STEPHEN: "I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT FOR THE COUNTRY I
LOVE" MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU'VE HELD
PUBLIC OFFICE FOR TEN YEARS.
"I'VE WORKED AT THIS SUBWAY FOR TEN YEARS, AND LET ME ASSURE
YOU, I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO MAKE A SANDWICH."
HE EVEN TOOK TIME TO THANK PEOPLE WHO HAVE STOOD BY HIM.
>> THIS PAST WEEK HAS BEEN FULL OF ENCOURAGEMENT FROM PRESIDENT
TRUMP, MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE, AND JIM JORDAN, TO THE MAGA
NATION THAT SHARES SO MUCH LOVE.
>> STEPHEN: NOT EXACTLY THE BEST CHARACTER WITNESSES.
"YOUR HONOR, TO DEFEND MY CLIENT, WE CALL TO THE STAND, A
SERIAL SEXUAL ASSAULTER, A MAN ACCUSED OF COVERING UP SEXUAL
ABUSE, AND A LADY WHO BELIEVES WILDFIRES ARE CAUSED BY YIDDISH
PHOTON TORPEDOS."
THERE WAS ONE OTHER PERSON GAETZ WANTED TO SHOUT OUT.
>> THANK YOU TO MY AMAZING FIANCEÉE GINGER, I LOVE
YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART, AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THE BEST IS
INDEED YET TO COME.
>> STEPHEN: I AGREE.
THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
WE STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THE INDICTMENT!
SIDENOTE: THIS IS GAETZ' FIANCEÉE, WHOSE ACTUAL NAME IS
"GINGER LUCKEY."
WHICH IS IRONIC, SINCE SHE'S A BLONDE AND ENGAGED TO MATT
GAETZ.
GAETZ WASN'T THE ONLY DISGRACED REPUBLICAN AT A FLORIDA GOLF
RESORT THIS WEEKEND, BECAUSE THE FORMER PRESIDENT GAVE A SPEECH
AT MAR-A-LAGO, IN WHICH HE WENT AFTER MITCH MCCONNELL, CALLING
HIM "A DUMB SON OF A BITCH" AND "A STONE COLD LOSER."
OH, YOU DON'T WANT MITCH'S STONE TO BE COLD.
YOU REALLY WANT TO PUT A BASKING LAMP IN HIS TANK.
THE REVIEWS WERE NOT KIND.
AS ONE ATTENDEE PUT IT, "IT WAS HORRIBLE, IT WAS LONG AND
NEGATIVE."
ADDING, "AND THIS TIME, WE DIDN'T LIKE IT."
OF COURSE, THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS PROBABLY JUST HAPPY ANYONE IS
TALKING ABOUT HIM.
ACCORDING TO "THE WASHINGTON POST," GOOGLE SEARCH RESULTS FOR
HIS NAME ARE AT THEIR LOWEST POINT SINCE 2015.
AND MOST OF THOSE ARE JUST ERIC ASKING THE COMPUTER IF DADDY
LOVES HIM.
THE A.P. WROTE AN ARTICLE ON THE FORMER POTUS' WANING INFLUENCE,
AND THEY NOTED THAT ON LATE NIGHT TV, SOME HAVE TRIED TO
SCRUB HIM OUT ENTIRELY, WITH "LATE SHOW" HOST STEPHEN COLBERT
REFUSING TO SAY HIS NAME.
OKAY, YOU GOT ME.
GUILTY AS NOTICED.
BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO SCRUB HIM OUT.
IT'S JUST THAT LEGEND HAS IT, NOW THAT HE'S OUT OF OFFICE, IF
YOU SAY HIS NAME THREE TIMES, HE APPEARS IN YOUR BATHROOM MIRROR
AND THEN USES YOUR TOILET WHILE COMPLAINING THAT IT'S LOW-FLUSH.
SO AFTER THE WHOLE JANUARY 6 THING -- NO, BEFORE THAT, AFTER
JANUARY OFFWHEN HE DID THE WHOLE I WON THING, I PLAN TO NOT SAY
THE GUY'S NAME AGAIN, BUT NOW THAT
THE BUZZKILLS OVER AT THE A.P.
HAVE MENTIONED IT, IT'S NO FUN ANYMORE.
BESIDES IT'S REALLY HARD COMING UP WITH SYNONYMS FOR THIS
DOUCHE-NOZZLE'S NAME.
HAVE WE USED THAT?
NOW I CAN'T USE IT.
USUALLY I CALL HIM "THE FORMER PRESIDENT," BUT THAT GIVES HIM
DIGNITY-- AND ME FLASHBACKS.
I'VE ALSO CALLED HIM 45, BECAUSE HE'S THE 45TH PRESIDENT, BUT NOW
HE'S RE-BRANDING HIMSELF AS "45."
HE'S EVEN GOT A WEBSITE "45OFFICE.COM," THAT FEATURES
PICTURES OF HIS PRESIDENCY INCLUDING ONE WHERE HE SALUTES
WHAT APPEARS TO BE MEMBERS OF THE WIGGLES.
BUT IS, IN FACT, I'M INFORMED, WHAT THEY WEAR ON AIRCRAFT
CARRIERS BECAUSE THEY'RE SO FAR OUT TO SEA THAT NO ONE'S THERE
TO LAUGH AT THEM.
A SILLY OUTFIT, TURTLENECK SWEATERS.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
ALSO, I'M LOOKING FOR A RELIABLE SUBSTITUTE FOR HIS NAME.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST CALL HIM, LIKE, "MELANIA'S HUSBAND" OR
"JEFF EPSTEIN'S DANCE PARTNER," OR SOMETHING REALLY INSULTING,
LIKE "DON JR.'S FATHER."
BUT I HAVE TO CALL HIM SOMETHING.
HOPEFULLY SOMEDAY, "THE DEFENDANT."
BUT UNTIL THEN, THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN.
WHAT SHOULD I CALL THE OLD PRESIDENT WHEN THERE'S A STORY
ABOUT HIM?
TWEET THEM TO @COLBERTLATESHOW WITH THE
HASHTAG #HEWHOSHALLBENAMED.
I WILL SAY THE MOST ORIGINAL AND APPROPRIATE NAMES ON THE AIR, UP
TO A POINT.
THIS IS CBS.
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO LET ME CALL HIM A (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
BELIEVE ME.
I KNOW.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS FORMER SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE JOHN BOEHNER, WHO'S
GOT A NEW BOOK.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, JOHN BOEHNER!
♪♪♪