[Static]
You got little alien house guests. Let's see 'em.
[Cough]
[Static]
As the secretary general of the United Nations, an organization of 147 member states, who
represent almost all of the human inhabitants of the planet Earth...
[Static]
We never knew happiness, or love, or any emotion
until we came here to your...
Earth.
I'd just begun to learn.
[alien buzz]
[Static]
Hello there.
My name is Dr. Anton Jessup, curator of Monster Studies here at the university.
The recent disorder on campus has allowed me to reclaim my rightful classroom and I've
already begun to reeducate today's youth, as well as a few special guests, with a little
monstrous sexual education.
The boys have already received their lecture, and as they make their way to the study hall,
we turn to a topic of paramount importance for all of our female students.
Yes, I speak of that nefarious threat from beyond the stars, alien husbands.
Perhaps your mother already told you this, but the dating pool is full of good boys,
bad boys and of course… extraterrestrial humanoids
with an insatiable desire for Earth Women.
Why some of them seem to think you ladies are easy.
Even robot-headed beasties have been known to develop an illogical attraction.
Just watch these Martians drool over a tantalizing beach babe!
Their dying race needs our breeding stock.
And, indeed, 1958's "I Married a Monster from Outer Space" explores just what happens when
a bachelor from an all-male alien species visits Earth in order to procreate with one
of its more fetching female specimens.
Watch out, ladies, he's a shapeshifter!
Having lost all their own females to extinction, the aliens abandoned their doomed homeworld
in search of a proxy species for reproduction.
Of course, human females ultimately prove too uncooperative — and while impervious
to bullets, the aliens were no match for hungry German shepherds.
Poor driftwood faced aliens.
If they only stuck around a little longer, they might have won the lady's heart, or at
least learned to use a dog whistle.
They might have even found out that they're not the only all male species on the planet.
Can anyone here name another one?
Miss Vorel.
[Ghost scream]
Exactly.
We turn now to the Corbicula genus of freshwater clams.
Technically speaking, Corbicula clams are hermaphrodites.
Each individual produces both egg and sperm, but the fertilized egg always ejects the egg
genes, regardless if the joining of egg and sperm is asexual or sexual in nature.
As a result, Corbicula clams are all essentially males engaging in clonal reproduction.
Cloning is wonderful.
It allows a creature to forgo costly mate selection, allows termite queens to continue
on after a king’s death and certain ants to abandon males all together.
But these benefits come at the cost of genetic diversity, opening the door for copying errors
and widespread disease.
Fortunately, monosex species tend to employ a loophole or two — and the Corbicula loophole
is right out of the alien husband playbook: Steal eggs from another species.
According to a 2011 study from the University of Texas at Austin, all the monosex Corbicula
clam species likely descended from a single proto-bachelor species.
In order to replenish their genetics, the related species simply breed with each other.
The vast majority of these sexual encounters result in just another male clone.
The fertilized egg jettisons the female genetics as usual.
But on very rare occasions, perhaps just once in a million generations,
genetic recombination occurs.
A miracle child is born, replenishing the species’ genes.
Yes ladies, that handsome slab of alien beefcake might not have the purest intentions at heart,
he might prove incapable of your human romance, love or couples tennis.
But if you're looking for a real starman, and don't mind birthing a few million moon
babies in the process, he might just be the fella for you.
Now Maxwell, if you'd bring in what's left of the male students, and end transmission.
[static]
What does all this have to do with the uptick
in monster sightings throughout our city?
In clinical trials test subjects reported gastrointestinal aversions, changes in sexual
performance, fungal lesions on the brain, and some small cases of internal delusions
being manifested into physical reality, but I assure you that...
[static]