- She just said, "come with me.
"I'm gonna go to spin class tomorrow."
I said, "okay, I'll come.
"I'll come to your spin class."
I've never done this before.
But I went to SoulCycle whatever it is.
Right. (cheering)
Yeah, see everybody gets all hopped up.
(audience laughing)
I go to the one in LA.
Everybody's fake positive.
Right, they come into the class.
"What's going on?
"How's it going?
"Are we gonna do this today?"
Okay, relax, relax, it's a class.
It's a spin class.
(audience laughing)
So right away I'm bothered.
I go, "babe I gotta get outta here.
"I can't, I can't do this.
"Already I'm upset."
(audience laughing)
She's like, "come on, let's go check in
"and get our shoes."
I said, "shoes, what is this, bowling alley?"
(audience laughing)
Everybody's got these special spin shoes
so they're all walking around.
(audience laughing) (clapping)
"I'm on bike 22, could you tell me where bike...
"Okay it's over here, great."
(audience laughing)
So we signed up late.
My wife and I did not have bikes together.
My wife starts panicking.
She's like, "babe, we're not doing this together.
"I'm on the other side of the room.
"I have to ask the girl next to you."
I go, "babe, don't start doing this shit.
"The girl next to me is already set up,
"she's got a water bottle, everything's in place.
"Do not ask her anything."
I go, "babe, we're not gonna talk during this.
"It's a 45 minute class, and we're not gonna like...
"I'm not gonna turn to you and go,
"did you pay the gas bill!
(audience laughing) "This is a workout.
"We're not gonna hold hands on the bike.
"This is not a ride through Central Park.
"This is a stationary bike."
(audience laughing)
So I start the workout.
The class didn't even start.
I just start in on my own thing.
I ain't waiting.
If I'm there, let's get the thing going.
I'm cooking.
(audience laughing)
So now, the teacher comes in.
This guy was way too happy
for what was happening in the room.
(audience laughing)
It's one of these like real positive teachers.
He's like, "all right everybody!
"Are you ready?
"It's a Monday morning, put your head down.
"Let's get rid of that mean boss
"that keeps bitching at you every time you come in.
"Let's get rid of that debt that you have.
"Let's shed that,
"that cousin didn't come to the holiday dinner."
I'm like gee, "how bad is it in here for these people?
(audience laughing)
"I'm just here to get rid of the cheesecake
"I had last night not the abusive father.
"What the hell is going on?"
(audience laughing)
But, my wife grew up like very athletic.
She grew up in a family
where they just have a lot of time on that side.
They've gotta a lot of money.
So nobody's doing anything really, you know?
(audience laughing)
Everybody's really relaxed.
Like when I went over there for the first time,
I was meeting my wife's family and like everybody was home.
(audience laughing)
Like on a Tuesday at 2:30 p.m..
I go, "why is everybody home?"
(audience laughing)
Like no one works over there.
They just, you know, I like,
"what does your cousins do?"
"I don't know really.
"I don't know, really know what they do.
"I think they're in advertising,
"but, I don't really know what they do."
(audience laughing)
They're so relaxed.
They're the type of family that when they graduated college
they took a year off to go find themselves.
(audience laughing)
Do you know people like this?
They graduate and they go backpacking through Europe
and stay at hostels like they're broke.
(audience laughing)
They go find themselves.
That shit don't fly on my side.
(audience laughing)
When I graduated college I couldn't tell my father,
"Dad, I'm gonna go to Europe to find myself."
(audience laughing)
"What do you mean go find yourself?
(audience laughing)
"I found you, you're right here
"in my house. (audience laughing)
"Where you gonna go? (audience laughing)
"You wanna see you?
"Go look in the mirror. (audience laughing)
"You got no job and you're in my house.
(audience laughing) "I found you, you're here."
(upbeat music)