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Now onto today's video, The Tormented Marriage of Elizabeth Wharton Drexel of The Gilded Age.
Elizabeth Wharton Drexel wrote and published a book in 1935 that was
an autobiography of her life durng the Gilded Age of America in New York City.
The book is entitled, King Lehr and the Gilded Age and it covers the time before,
during and after her tormented marriage to America's Court Jester, Harry Lehr.
Harry Lehr was born Henry Symes Lehr but he called himself Harry. In the Gilded Age, he was dubbed
high society's 'court jester' because of his wit and desire, actually a compulsion, to make the
ladies of the court laugh and enjoy his company so much that they lavished their money upon him.
Harry had no money of his own and learned early how to manipulate the hearts and
minds of the rich and famous socialites of New York's Gilded Age to his advantage.
Harry made his living off of his charm, his wit and his good looks.
Wealthy society socialites paid for his accomodations, dressed him in expensive suits
and bought him expensive watches and jewelry and anything else his heart desired. He lacked nothing
and never ever had to pay for a meal. He was always invited to a round of dinners and luncheons
all over New York as well as Newport, which was the elite summer playground of the rich.
He also acted as the fun-making advisor to the highest ranking women of society,
expertly arranging his patrons' parties, choosing the flowers, leading the cotillion dance,
selecting lovely favors, advising them on their attire, jewels and even their troubles.
So much so that he had rapidly grown indispensable to most of the elite society matriarchs including
the self styled fun-maker herself, Mrs Mamie Fish for whom he once falsely posed as her honored
guest His Imperial Majesty, The Emperor of Russia, as a joke leading to the moniker, King Lehr.
Mamie Fish was known as the hostess of highly sought after dances , balls and parties that
had odd little twists and entertainments - many of which were planned in collusion with Harry
Lehr always by her side. I did a video about her called, "The Bizarre Parties & Oddities Of
Mamie Fish in HBO's The Gilded Age." You can find it in my list of videos for my channel.
That video fills you in on Mrs Fish's parties and talks minimally of Harry,
but in the video I do mention that the real life Harry Lehr was a closeted
gay man that was married to a woman by the name of Elizabeth Wharton Drexel.
When I learned about Harry's wife, I was so intrigued by her story that I
wanted to do some more research, which resulted in this video because that is, well, what I do.
Elizabeth Wharton Drexel's life is an interesting one and while we might feel sorry for her for what
happened during her tormented marriage to Harry - and with good reason which I will
get to shortly - I think it is good to know the whole story of her life so we can also
see her as a woman who endured for her own reasons, even as she lived a privileged life.
Elizabeth Wharton Drexel was born into money and nobility. Her father was a wealthy banker
as was her grandfather who established the banking house of Drexel & company
which became one of the largest banks in the United States. Her mother was Lucy Wharton,
a descendant of the Duke of Wharton (presumably Philip Wharton, 1st Duke of Wharton of England).
Elizaabeth was born on April 22, 1868 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
She was a happy child until her loving father died when she was very young.
Elizabeth adored her mother who believed in the old standards of a Puritan ancestry
and worshiped Queen Victoria of England as the standard of the good and dutiful wife.
In this video you will discover that Elizabeth was married three times,
each bringing its own individual heartbreak. Her story begins with her first marriage to John
Vinton Dahlgren whom she married at St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City On June 29th 1889.
It was a happy marriage based on mutual love and which bore two sons. But is also brought with it
heartbreak, twice. First when one of her sons died in infancy and then again 11 years into
the marriage when her beloved husband John died after years of struggling with tuberculosis.
In her book she writes,"With him, died my youth."
Enter Harry Lehr.....
Two years after John Dahlgren's death, Elizabeth had the great misfortune to marry Harry Lehr.
When she first met Harry she was lonely, and Harry made her laugh and he courted her with displays
of affection. He proclaimed his love for her and even went so far as to say he could make her happy
if only she would marry him. At first, she was not sure of any love for him but she
did feel sincere friendship and affection but eventually, by the day of the wedding,
Elizabeth found herself in love with the charming man who had worked so hard for her affections.
They married in June 1901 in the same cathedral that Elizabeth had married her first husband.
She was happy and anticipated a second marriage comprised of love and devotion.
But it turned out not to be, and never would be what she had so desperately hoped for.
On their wedding night, Elizabeth waited excitedly for her new husband.
She ordered a luxurious dinner with Harry's favorite champagne to be delivered to the
dining room of their hotel suite. She dressed especially for him in a rose brocade gown with
a diamond brooch in hopes he would think her beautiful and alluring. She had even
bought a cabinet of cigars for him and a gold and enamel watch as her wedding gift to him.
But he did not join her for dinner and instead he dined apart from her,
waiting for her to get the message. It was a message he wanted her to understand fully.
Later in the evening, he came by to tell her that she must never expect to be alone with him,
ever. In fact, he wanted nothing to do with her and he loved only his mother and no other woman.
Women repulsed him, he said. He expected her to act in pulic like a dutiful wife and he,
in turn, would display courtesy, respect and apparent devotion while out in public
going about his busy social life no differently than before.
But why did you marry me, she asked? For her money, of course. Harry glared at her
and told her that she must provide him a marriage settlement where she would pay him
25 thousand dollars a year as pocket money to spend on his mother and whatever else he wished.
Plus Elizabeth was expected to cover all the expenses of their life together as well.
In her book, King Lehr and the Gilded Age,
Elizabeth tells of her shock and dismay at what her huband turned out to be.
A greedy mean man who continued to abuse her verbally through out their marriage of 28 years.
She recounts the many times that he was rude, mean and critical to her.
How he refused her any politeness at all when they were alone and out of the public eye.
How disparaging he was about her appearance when he would make mean
comments to her under his breath, so that no one else would hear.
At this point, you might wonder as I did, why Elizabeth chose to stay that night.
What compelled her to listen to the demands of this man she suddenly did
not know and agree to meet his monetary needs?
After all, divorce was not as uncommon as it used to be.
American socialites of the same set such as Alva Vanderbilt Belmont
had divorced her husband 5 years before and it was starting to become a trend, so why
not just divorce him? Annulment was also on the table since the marriage was never consummated,
so it does not make sense to us, modern women of today to stay with a man so abusive and mean.
The answer to that question is three fold. At first, after the shock of her wedding night,
Elizabeth called upon her pride to stay in the marriage.
She writes, "My pride at least was left to me. No one should suspect the agony of disillusion
and humiliation through which I had passed, the bitter irony of my pose as a young happy wife."
She mentions her pride again when she wrote, "He was incessant in his demands for money,
and still more money. I gave it to him with open hands, never even discussed his extravagance.
I found a fierce satisfaction in the giving; it salved my pride a little.
He had married me for my money, anf for that alone. Well he should have it."
Secondly and what I think is the real reason, is that she did not want and could not ever,
disappoint her mother. Elizabeth knew that to her mother, divorce was an unbearable disgrace, since
her mother had once said that the Queen of England did not countenance divorce and neither would she.
Elizabeth knew that divorce was not something her mother could ever accept.
And later in her marriage when Elizabeth met a man whom she fell in love with,
and he with her, she still didn't leave Harry. She almost did,
but on the fateful night when she went to her mother's house to say she was divorcing Harry,
she found her mother frail from a heart condition and old age. Her mother's nurse told Elizabeth
that any shock could be the end of her mother. Not only that, but her mother was nostalgic about her
own happy marriage and said she was so proud of Elizabeth for having had a happy marriage as well.
So that was the night that Elizabeth could have freed herself from her tormented marriage
to Harry Lehr. But she did not. She sent a note to her lover refusing his offer of marriage.
He left the United States and went to Europe , never to return.
Elizabeth stayed with Harry until he died on January 3rd
1929 from a brain tumor operation at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore.
Elizabeth was in Paris, ironically staying with Consuelo Vanderbilt who had divorced
her own husband years before and was now happily married to the man she loved.
Elizabeth wrote in her book, "And now it was all over. The tragic farce of our marriage had ended."
Elizabeth married a third time at the age of 64, six years after the death of Harry.
She married John Beresford, 5th Baron Decies,
a lord of Irish nobility. The marriage landed her a title of Baroness Decies. He was 70 and died
8 years later but not before he had filed suit for divorce in 1942 (we don't know why), which
Elizabeth contested so it appears they remained married until his death on January 31st 1944.
Elizabeth died six months later in London on June 13th 1944. She was buried in the
crypt below Dahlgren Chapel at Georgetown University, which she and her first husband
had built as a memorial to their son, Joseph Drexel Dahlgren, who had died in infancy.