I could make anyone cool.
Anyone?
- Anyone. - What about ...
Oh, my dear Lord.
Jerri Blank.
♪ As I rose above the noise and confusion ♪
♪ Just to get a glimpse behind this illusion, I was soar - ♪
All right, everybody. On you go.
On the career wagon, let's move it. Move it!
We're burning daylight here, people.
Everybody on. Watch the fingers and toes.
This whole thing's got to be over in a car lot in an hour,
so I want you on there living your dreams,
and then getting the hell out.
Understand? Move, move, move.
Step up. Step up. I am the Career Wizard.
See your dreams in action in our career simulator.
Through our robots of the future,
you'll experience firsthand
what it's actually like to be... a banker.
I'm a banker. Give me your money.
Give me your money.
That's it, Orlando.
That's what I want to be, a robot.
So lifelike, so real. Come on, let's go.
Who here has been to the doctor? But who here has been a doctor?
I'm going to replace your organs with a baboon's.
Give me your money. Give me your money.
Don't bang on the glass. It enrages the robots.
Moving on. All right, kids.
You'll like this next exhibit, understand?
You will like it.
Nothing like the scent of fresh plastic flowers.
I love my job. I love my job.
So thank you for stopping by the career simulator wagon,
funded by Eterna
Spring Artificial Flowers. You'll be dead before they are.
I love my job. I love my job.
I love my job. I have no dreams. I love my job. I have no dreams.
Live your dreams.
Good Lord, is this where they eat?
Tell me this is some sort of holding cell for miscreants.
Blank, because of your recent outbursts in
Noblet's class, I'd like for you to have a little chat
with our student counselor, Miss Pines.
Cassie, do your thing.
So Jerri, I understand you have a little problem.
If by little, you mean my dead daddy,
then yeah, I guess it's tiny.
You know, thousands of people are devoured
by high school mascots everyday.
Is that true?
Probably. I don't know. No.
Okay, I'm going to say this quickly,
because I'm starting to fade here.
Granted, you may never jump in a sack with your father again,
but that doesn't mean you can't get to know him.
Go home, find out about him.
I already did try to find out about him.
I suppose the key words in my last statement were, "Go home."
Are you bored?
God, I'm bored. I should've brought a book.
Well, what would you do if your daddy died?
Hey, you'd love that, wouldn't you?
Just because your dad was killed in some freak accident,
nobody can have one? I'll tell you something.
My daddy's alive and yours is dead,
and ain't nothing going to change that.
I'd better go call him.
Daddy, who are you?
Well Jerri, it's been a tough night,
but we finally subdued him. I'll tell you, your son
Stew sure can take a blow to the head.
Well, technically he's not my son.
He's my stepmother's lover.
Oh good, then you can sign these release forms.
How's he doing?
Well, aside from the insanity, he's as healthy as a horse
that's been beaten unconscious by a gang of savage orderlies.
Dr. Trepanning, can you get all the crazy out of my daddy?
I can't make any promises, Jerri. But I promise I will.
I'll use every tool at my disposal:
medication, drugs, and pills.
Well, how long will it take?
What is it, Wednesday? 30 years?
What? I need him by this afternoon.
Jerri, the brain is a delicate and highly complicated organ.
I know. I've taken a few of them apart,
and every time I put them back together,
there's always a few extra parts laying around.
Why can't you just drill a hole in his skull
to let the demons out?
Jerri, drilling a hole in the skull
to let the demons out
is a pretty archaic treatment of mental illness.
Today, we sedate the demons until they become addicted,
and then we coax them out with a piece of meat.
It takes years.
Then could I have a moment alone to say goodbye?
Of course.
Fran, you're late.
Am I? Or is the rest of the world early?
Pretty cool.
Fran, that was the coolest comeback ever. We are so cool.
Yes, I am.
What about me? I'm cool.
The only reason you're cool
is that you're a little satellite orbiting the planet
Frosty, surface temperature, zero degrees Franenheit.
If I wasn't so shallow, I would be deeply insulted.
I could make anyone cool.
Anyone?
Anyone.
What about ...
Oh, my dear Lord.
Jerri Blank.
Sure. Bring it on.
I'll make Jerri Blank so cool
that Brent Brooks will ask her out by Friday.
I stake my cool on it.
And then it just popped back in. They were so good.
Did they just pop it back in?
Did you see that? Nailed him in the noggin.
He went down like a ten dollar whore.
Oh, Orlando.
I told you Brent was cool. Ready to be his girlfriend?
I don't know. Maybe I should hit the crapper
and freshen up my what's-gone-sour.
Look, Jerri.
As long as you're with me, you'll never go bad,
because I've got you stored in my crisper,
and the refrangerator's always dialed up to nine.
Hey Brent.
Hey Fran. You seem really detached today.
Thanks. I see you're going for aloof.
Nicely done.
Thanks.
Have you met my new friend?
- No, where is she? - Right here.
Oh yeah. Hey.
Sup.
So what do you think of her?
Think of who?
Jerri.
Who's he? Oh yeah, hey. Fran back.
Brenton, come on. We're going to the roof.
Well, talk to you later, Brent.
Aight.
I'll never be cool.
Don't worry, Jerri. Cool starts here.
In the heart?
No, with me.
Look, your freezing point is way lower than I thought.
We're going to have to move on to stage two.