[Music]
so before speaking about the first habit
I want to bring to your attention a new
mindset so before I read this book I
never really had this super-awesome
outlook on life and in fact it changed
my thinking forever so when you're in
any situation in life you can choose to
be reactive or proactive but the basic
idea is that by choosing to be proactive
you choose to increase your circle of
influence you see there are things that
you can control and there are things you
can't directly control such as the
weather where you were born or your
personal decisions of your boss things
that you can control include how you
react to it this is really the only
thing you can control in life if you
react without thinking or you say a
harsh word to your friend or you drink
all night and live in self-indulgent
after a long day where you just become
depressed when the weather is gloomy you
are becoming a reactive person you let
the environment control you and you're
simply a person reacting to stimuli when
you were reactive you focus on things
you cannot control for example you may
have been born into a socio-economic
lower or middle class family you may
have been born into an abusive family
you may even been diagnosed with a
terrible illness but focusing on it will
not change it you know what you can
control this is the secret to being
proactive and in turn becoming an
effective person you can control your
work ethic you can control how you treat
the people in your life and you can
control if you put on your seatbelt or
not by focusing on things that you can
control you bring more power into your
life and widen your circle of influence
so in short reactive people are people
who complain a lot instead of actually
going out and changing their actions and
proactive people understand that even if
their complaining was justified
complaining about it wouldn't change
anything it would just be negative
toxins in their life polluting their
social environment of their peers see
most people choose to complain simply
because it's easier so let's move on to
the second habit how do you want people
to think of you at your funeral the
second habit is all about becoming the
person you want to be by thinking deeply
about how other people think of you now
I'm a mature enough person to not really
care what most people think of me but I
do care what my loved ones think of me I
want my girlfriend to think I'm loyal
trustworthy and fun to be around and
because of this I'm not going to cheat
on her I'm not going to lie to her and
I'm not going to fill our conversations
with complaints or negative thoughts see
when you die and there's a crowd of
people
standing around your coffin what will
they say what were their best memories
of you or their worst memories of you be
think about the end before any major
decision and this will help you become a
more effective person do you want to be
remembered as a person who added value
to society maybe start filling your
facebook statuses with more positivity
and upbeat content basically are you
doing the things that allow you to say
you've become the person that you want
to be the second habit also goes into
creation a bit see according to Stephen
Covey the author everything is created
twice once in the mind and once in the
physical real world the problem is that
many things are created in the mind but
are never manifested into tangible
things because we tell ourselves I can't
do it a lot of time the only thing
stopping you from doing something is
yourself an even worse situation is when
things aren't even created in the mind
at all for some people debt drugs
despair or other life problems prevent a
person from thinking about creation and
only on the negative outcomes of their
situation and this is where the first
habit comes back stop focusing on what
you can't control and you'll be able to
create more you'll be able to add more
value to the world the last thing
Stephen Covey mentions in this chapter
is something called a personal mission
statement now this is the one line
sit-ins that you can rely on to give you
a sense of purpose in the world a very
simple mission statement is I want the
world to be better because I was here in
fact that's Will Smith's personal
mission statement
Oprah wants to be a teacher and to be
known for inspiring my students to be
more than they thought they ever could
be if you keep this mission statement in
mind when you make every decision you
will always keep the end in mind now
that we've talked about the end let's
talk about the beginning so Stephen
Covey came up with this thing called the
urgent and important matrix basically
everything you can do falls into one of
four categories here's the super-easy
graphic that can make it easier to
understand basically anything urgent is
something that needs to be done as soon
as possible and anything important is
something that makes us effective the
advice the author gives is to do things
that are not urgent but they have to be
important as soon as possible because if
you do things that aren't urgent before
they are urgent then you won't have to
fret about doing them last minute here's
the thing that kind of annoys me if I
ask most people what they thought was
important they would say things like
their health their relationships their
financial credibility but when you look
into their act
they spend their time doing other
meaningless things like organizing
papers going out for long lunches
hanging out with the wrong crowds
fussing over little crap doing stupid
stuff for the better part of their day
that doesn't lead them to bettering the
things that they said was important to
them so you got to put first things
first spend some time with your family
before you waste your time doing
something like playing video games start
putting effort into creating a monthly
budget instead of putting your effort
pinning new things on Pinterest go and
work out first before watching that new
episode the problem here is something
psychologists call cognitive dissonance
and it's when the things you say are
most important to you aren't the same
things that you're spending most of your
time on in fact some psychologists say
that this is unhealthy the disconnect
between what we say we will do and what
we actually do is terrible and I think
working on this would improve a lot of
our lives
so the first three habits are about
managing yourself and what you can do
independently there are things you can
make changes mindsets you can alter and
attitudes you can adjust to they set the
foundation for the next three habits
which have to do with becoming an
effective person in society and involve
being dependent so the fourth habit is
called think win-win Steven Covey says
that there are six types of
relationships and you can think of them
as personal business or even biological
animalistic relationships the first two
are what most people think the world is
made of lose win or win lose which means
for me to win you have to lose or the
other way around people with this type
of mentality think that to have the
largest skyscraper in the neighborhood
they must tear all the other skyscrapers
down you should avoid these situations
because someone will lose even if the
net gain is zero in fact most people
don't even agree to us in this they
believe in reciprocal altruism in the
long run win lose is like a parasite
where one wins and the other loses the
next relationship that we're going to
talk about is just toxic and nasty it's
called lose-lose the best example I can
think of is there's a story where this
couple got married a couple years later
they decide to get divorced but the man
knew that his ex-wife would when half of
everything that he owned in court but he
had quite the ego and he didn't want her
getting his Ferrari or Lamborghini so he
sold them both for $10 each see both
people in this situation lost a
substantial amount of value because of
their hatred and you should definitely
avoid any type of relationship like this
now the next two relationships are not
bad but they should also be avoid
so leeuwin relationships aren't really a
relationship at all since they only
affect one person people in this type of
relationship don't care what anyone else
gets as long as they get what they want
it's actually very selfish that the next
relationship is called no deal now no
deal is a neutral mentality and it's
actually the most preferable one if the
last one is not offered basically each
individual agrees that if both parties
don't win there is no deal in other
words it's completely unselfish if I
can't get what I want without you
benefiting - it's not worth it and
there's no deal
now the next relationship we're going to
talk about is called win-win and these
happen in couple relationships or
business relationships and even in
ecology mutualistic relationships or
symbiosis
is the term when two animals benefit
from living together for you to win the
other person does not have to lose I
could buy and read a book that gives me
huge insight into a recent problem I'm
dealing with and because of this I
benefit from the advice and the author
benefits from the money I can make a
video and upload it to YouTube and
benefit from the advertisement revenue
and the viewers will benefit from the
life-changing perspective so start
searching for win-win relationships and
you will surely become an effective
person aha the next habit I love this
habit so the author gives a little story
where a dad is talking to his coworker
about a situation with his son the
father and son have a talk and after the
talk the dad goes to his friend for
advice I just can't understand my son
sometimes the dad says he won't listen
to me and his friend goes let me
rephrase that you can't understand your
son because he won't listen to you says
the friend I thought to understand
another person you have to listen to
them honestly when I read this little
story I actually got goosebumps but the
author is so right how many times do we
get mad at another person because they
don't think the way that we think but we
haven't even tried to hear their side of
the story first we see the world through
our eyes even from a baby we are born
egotistical and understanding other's
views does not come natural learning to
become an effective person is
understanding everyone has their own
perspectives and opinions from their own
personal experiences and life events you
should seek first to understand because
once you understand the situation and
the person's feelings towards it you
might have a better chance of helping
them understand you so this is a little
technical but I want to get into the
five levels of listening that Covey uh
covers the first is called ignoring and
it's just downright rude so the second
level is the kind of level my sister
talks to to my mom it's called
pretending you
uh-huh right you're at least responding
to the person the third level is called
selective hearing we only hear certain
parts of the conversation usually only
the parts that benefit us and it's
really easy to do this with someone who
talks a lot or a preschool child another
level up is called attentive listening
which is not necessarily listening to
the content but rather the way the words
are being spoken and you focus on the
energy if you listen to a motivational
speaker in another language and you
actually get motivated
that's called attentive listening the
last type of listening we hardly ever
experience and it's called empathic
listening this type of listening is the
listening with the intent to understand
you will get inside the other person's
frame of thinking and understand them
better and it's not just the words they
say or how they're saying them either we
give them all of our attention including
paying attention to their body language
and paying attention to their feelings
this is very powerful because it gives
you accurate data to work with to
understand their thoughts feelings and
motives instead of you being a brick
wall saying conform to me another form
of great advice Steven gives is to
diagnose before you prescribe which
basically means to understand before you
give advice one of the best ways to find
more win-win situations is to understand
what the other person wants and needs
before you can find a way both of you
can benefit so the next habit is called
to synergize and it took me a while to
completely understand this but it
basically means the interaction of two
or more parts to produce an outcome that
is greater than the sum of their
individual parts so a very basic version
of synergy comes from a teaching and
physiology so one part might be our
heart another might be your brain and
the third might be your stomach of
course these are very complex organs
individually but if they work together
they are extremely effective another
example would be trees and squirrels
separately trees could reproduce by
their nuts falling to the ground please
refrain from commenting about this but
unless there's a really strong wind they
won't spread very quickly on the other
hand squirrels could live without trees
but they would have to live in bushes
and eat only berries they might struggle
hibernating and eating food in the
winter together though the squirrels get
protections in the trees as well as tons
of nuts to eat the trees get the benefit
of getting their nuts spread across even
more land together they achieve and grow
more than if they were separate and one
last example would be drugs and alcohol
now the effective sleeping medicine is
intensified greatly when mixed with
alcohol and I do not suggest trying this
on your own and
fact most doctors and warned against it
now these are considered constructive
synergy but there is also reductive
synergy an example of this is if you had
the plague within you were also
diagnosed with depression both are
really bad to have and if you have them
at the same time well you might need
some external help in medicine there's
actually a word for this and it's called
comorbidity the opposite of synergy can
also happen sometimes referred to as
negative synergy and this is when waste
is created let's say you spend five
million dollars on a business deal and
another company puts in five million
dollars so that you both can invest in
the same company for more money
however the business that you put money
in actually failed because it went over
a certain amount and because of taxes it
failed the sum of two parts is actually
less than the total amount of both
separately an example of negative
synergy would be one plus one equals
one-half seeking synergy will benefit
your life in many ways but particularly
your business relationships and general
life will benefit if you can find
synergy synergy is basically one plus
one equals three now that was a sixth
habit and that concludes the habits that
you can do with improving yourself by
dealing with others now we're going to
be moving on how you can unleash your
future potential by investing so the
best investment you can make is in
yourself and by reading this book you're
ahead of the curve and by watching this
video you have a huge advantage of other
people so Covey gives the example of
this guy cutting down a tree with a very
dull song I mean it's gonna take him at
least six hours to cut down this huge
tree if he were to spend one hour
sharpening the saw it would only take
him three hours to cut down the tree
leading to a total of four hours instead
of six we see how simple this is how
easy it is for the guy to cut the tree
down faster but we hardly ever apply the
same principle to our lives for example
we can sharpen our physical saw by
eating well maintaining a healthy diet
and exercising regularly let's sharpen
the saw by working out three times a
week instead of paying for it with
advanced medical treatment in 40 years
another example of sharpening our minds
is by learning reading and teaching
there are plenty of studies that show
teaching someone something is a great
way to engrave ideas into our head and
in fact it's one of the reasons I'm
making this video instead of reading the
instruction manual we try to do it
ourselves and waste three hours when we
could have humbled ourselves and
sharpened our mental song Covey also
suggests serpentine some other areas of
our life such as emotional and spiritual
areas you
invest in your relationships with others
in many ways some of which includes
spending time with your friends playing
games with your family or studying with
classmates enriching your spiritual life
is also important whether you're
religious or not listening to music
engaging in creating art and spending
time in prayer or meditation will always
add value to your life in the long run
living a meaningful and effective life
doesn't just happen you have to make
time to cultivate the areas of your life
you want to produce fruits and you do
this by sharpening the song I hope after
watching this video you've gained at
least one gold nugget of knowledge or
practical life advice that may move you
in the right direction of becoming a
more effective person if you like this
video please leave a big fat like and if
you want more educational and valuable
life-improving videos like this that
subscribe thanks for watching
[Music]