LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LISTEN.
IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW, AND YOU
WATCH ON A REGULAR BASIS, YOU
KNOW WE LIKE TO HAVE A LOT OF
FUN ON THE SHOW TELL JOKES,
HA-HA-HA.
BUT ALSO, WE HAVE DEEP CONCERNS
ABOUT THE FUTURE, AND
OCCASIONALLY I LIKE TO USE MY
MASSIVE CELEBRITY TO RAISE
AWARENESS BY RECORDING A PUBLIC
SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
AND I RECENTLY LEARNED ABOUT THE
PLIGHT OF ONE SPECIES THAT
DEEPLY TROUBLED ME.
AND SO, RIGHT NOW, I'M GOING TO
RECORD A P.S.A., AND JOINING ME
IS ANOTHER FAMOUS PERSON WHO
TRULY CARES.
HELLO.
WE ARE STEWARDS OF THE EARTH.
AND EVERY LIVING THING IS
PRECIOUS.
I'M STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> AND I'M VIGGO MORTENSEN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND WE'RE ASKING YOU TO PLEASE
HELP US--
>> (Both): --SAVE THE BEES.
>> Stephen: NO OTHER SINGLE
ANIMAL SPECIES PLAYS A MORE
INTEGRAL ROLE IN OUR FOOD CHAIN.
>> AND OVER THE LAST DECADE, THE
GLOBAL BEE POPULATION HAS
PLUMMETED OVER 30%.
>> Stephen: WHICH MEANS LESS
STINGING HERE BUT MORE STINGING
HERE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> SO, WON'T YOU PLEASE DO YOUR
PRART R
PART AND SAVE THE BEES?
>> Stephen: THANKS SO MUCH.
THANKS SO MUCH.
THANKS, MAN.
THANKS FOR STEPPING UP AND DOING
THE RIGHT THING.
THAT REALLY FELT GREAT.
>> IT FEELS REALLY GOOD TO GIVE
BACK.
>> Stephen: IT SURE DOES.
I KNOW WE HAVE TO DO THE
INTERVIEW IN A SECOND, BUT I WAS
THINKING AS LONG AS I GOT YOU
HERE, YOU'RE STANDING HERE,
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST RECORD
RECORD NEXT YEAR'S P.S.A.s,
TOO?
>> SURE, WHY DON'T WE JUST
RECORD THE NEXT DECADE OR
SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
GREAT.
WHY DON'T WE RECORD ALL THE
P.S.A.s WE WERE GOING TO
RECORD FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS
BUT DO THEM NOW.
>> YOU'RE ON.
>> Stephen: JIMMY.
>> LAST YEAR, WE ASKED YOU TO
SAVE THE BEES, AND IT WORKED.
>> Stephen: THANKS TO YOUR HELP,
SCIENTISTS SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF
COLONY COLLAPSE DISORDER, AND
BEE POPULATIONS ARE ON THE
REBOUND.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
>> MORE YUMMY HONEY IN MY TUMMY.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT SOMETIMES SAVING BEES ISN'T
ENOUGH.
>> THE BEES DESERVE A BETTER
TOMORROW.
AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE ASKING YOU
TO HELP--
>> (Both): --EDUCATE THE BEES.
>> THE BEES ARE THRIVING, AND
THEY WANT TO LEARN.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE SO MUCH
SMARTER THAN WE THOUGHT AND ARE
QUITE INTERESTED IN SUBJECTS
LIKE MILITARY HISTORY AND
ENGINEERING.
( LAUGHTER )
>> SO, WON'T YOU PLEASE DO YOUR
PART AND--
>> (Both): --EDUCATE THE BEES?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> WE ASKED YOU TO SAVE THE
BEES.
>> Stephen: WE ASKED YOU TO
TEACH THE BEES.
>> AND YOU DID MORE THAN WE
COULD EVER IMAGINE.
>> Stephen: NOW THERE ARE TOO
MANY BEES.
( LAUGHTER )
>> AND THEY ARE ALARMINGLY
SMART.
>> Stephen: THEY KNOW TOO MUCH
ABOUT US.
>> SO, PLEASE, DON'T BUMBLE THIS
OPPORTUNITY TO STOP--
>> (Both): --STOP HELPING THE
BEES.
( LAUGHTER )
>> AS YOU KNOW, HUMANITY IS AT
WAR AGAINST THE BEES.
>> Stephen: THE TIME FOR TALKING
IS OVER.
>> WE'VE LOST EVERY BATTLE AND
WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF FOOD.
BUT WE STILL HAVE HOPE.
>> Stephen: THE BEES MUST HAVE
SOME KIND OF WEAKNESS, EVEN IF
THEY SEEM LIKE TINY
INDESTRUCTIBLE GODS.
>> WHICH IS WHY WE NEED YOU TO--
>> (Both): --JOIN THE FIGHT
AGAINST THE BEES.
>> Stephen: HEAD TO A RECRUITING
STATION BEFORE NIGHTFALL.
>> THEY OWN THE NIGHT.
>> Stephen: BUT IF YOU ACT NOW,
YOU CAN BE THE "BUZZERBEATER."
TOGETHER, WE CAN ALL--
>> (Both): --DEFEAT THE BEES.
HE WERE HE WERE
>> Stephen: HI, I'M STEPHEN
COLBERT.
>> AND I'M VIGGO MORTENSEN.
>> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW EVERY
DAY MORE AND MORE DOLPHINS
SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF OUR
FISHERMEN?
>> IN ORDER TO PROTECT THESE
NOBLE CREATURES, WE MUST ACT
WITH PORPOISE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WON'T YOU PLEASE
HELP US TO--
>> (Both): --SAVE THE DOLPHINS?
>> DOLPHINS ARE BEAUTIFUL,
INTELLIGENT CREATURES.
>> Stephen: AND THEY WOULD
MAKE A POWERFUL ALLY IN OUR WAR
AGAINST THE BEES.
>> THEY CAN JUMP OUT OF THE
WATER AND SWAT THE BEES WITH
THEIR TAILS.
>> Stephen: AND MAYBE THEY
COULD USE THEIR SOANS TO CONFUSE
THE BEES?
>> SONAR.
>> Stephen: THEY HAVE SONAR.
THE BEES HAVE BEGUN BUILDING
SUBMARINES.
>> Stephen: WHY DID WE TEACH
THEM ENGINEERING?
>> CALM THE HELL DOWN, STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, I'M
SCARED.
>> I AM, TOO.
SO, ACT NOW TO--
>> (Both): --SAVE THE DOLPHINS
IN ORDER TO RECRUIT THEM IN OUR
WAR TO DESTROY THE BEES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THE WAR WITH THE
BEES IS FINALLY OVER.
>> BUT HUMANITY STILL HAS BIG
CHALLENGES AHEAD.
WE MUST REBUILD OUR CITIES AND
RESEED THE EARTH.
BUT FIRST, WE MUST BUILD
MONUMENTS TO OUR MERCIFUL BEE
OVERLORDS.
>> PLEASE JOIN THE HIVE AND--
>> (Both): --SERVE THE BEES.
>> THEY LET US LIVE, AND DESERVE
OUR OBEDIENCE.
>> Stephen: UNLIKE THOSE
TREACHEROUS DOLPHINS.
THEY WERE THE ONES WHO TRIED TO
LURE US INTO AN UNJUST WAR
AGAINST THE BEES!
THIS GUY!
GET OVER HERE!
>> IT WAS THEM!
IT WAS THEM, MY QUEEN.
WE WOULD NEVER DISOBEY YOU.
>> DOWN!
>> SLAVE!
DOWN!
>> Stephen: GET DOWN THERE!
I'M DRONE 27534.
>> AND I'M VIGGO MORTENSEN,
ASKING YOU TO--
>> (Both): --PLEASE CONTINUE TO
SUBMIT TO THE BEES.