- Would you rather spend a day
with Keith and Becky, Zach and Maggie, or Ned and Ariel?
- Probably Zach and Maggie.
- True.
(laughing)
- The f**k is wrong with you?
- Maggie and I have been dating for two and a half years.
We moved in together about six months ago.
- [Maggie] It was actually a really easy transition.
I was nervous, but
- What were you nervous about?
- I don’t know.
- Zachary?
Why are you naked?
- Uh, there’s a fly in the house.
- Why don’t you open a window?
- Hey, Maggie, do you have any Spanx I could borrow?
- I do.
- Yeah?
- I do.
- Cool. No reason.
Thank you!
- So, this is my piece.
- Zachary?
I think the word I’m looking for is “shitty.”
I finished my bowtie!
Maggie, what do you think?
- It’s pretty nice, pretty nice.
- That’s not what you said when the camera wasn’t rolling.
- I know.
- Okay, Maggie’s gonna come…
- Check ‘em out.
- …judge my work.
- Oh no.
Zach.
(Zach laughs)
- You can’t put this on someone’s body.
(Zach laughs) You don’t like ‘em?
Oh, there’s another page, too.
- What is this, Superman?
What?
This is, like, something you did in, like, second grade!
- That was just me playing around.
I was just trying something out.
- [Maggie] What did you do?
I don’t like it.
You cut yourself, too.
Yeah, a lot.
You’ve shaved your face before.
Why did you cut yourself so much?
(Zach laughs)
- Oh, Maggie!
I have a present for you!
(paper rustling)
(Zach laughs)
- Why is this framed?
- Why is only one leg shaved?
(Zach laughs)
Why?
- You’re telling me that I can’t just like…
(laughs)
- Zach! No!
Not a chance!
Not a chance.
- You’re like, so tiny, and like your penis and your balls are so…
(laughing)
- I mean, obviously don’t tuck your shirt in.
- Let’s tuck, let’s try this out.
- You look like a little spider.
(Zach laughing)
- Oh my god.
- It’s really on there.
- Boo, you’re so strong!
I loosened it for you.
- Zach, you made a video about your secret girlfriend.
And now you live together with your girlfriend.
Would you say that living together so far has been good?
- Yeah.
- True.
- Do you think in the next…ten years
you will be married?
- I appreciate the long time frame.
Yes.
- True.
(laughing)
- It’s really amazing living with an angel
like me.
Because I just give you so few things to be frustrated, and angry, and upset about.
- [Ariel] That was really funny ‘cause it sounded like you were gonna say:
“living with an angel like Maggie.”
- No!
No, I knew it was coming.
(laughing)
- Oh my god!
- No screaming necessary.
- The penis, I wanted it to be photorealistic.
- You think this is photorealistic?
(laughing)
- Your creativity was, like, through the roof on this one.
‘Cause I did give you a pretty challenging chili.
And, like, it doesn’t even stick out like a sore thumb.
I was a little lost on like…
Ay! I’m still giving notes.
- I don’t wanna make a functional bowl.
Maggie’s all about these, like, decorative bowls
that don’t do anything but just look cute.
- But what do you want, Zach?
- That’s what I want!
- Oh, okay, then great.
- I wanna make her happy!
- Oh, okay, then great!
- Aw, how cute!
Did you hand sew these?
- Yeah.
- Aw, is this like a tea?
- Uh huh.
- Aw, this is so cute!
I love it.
I love how it looks like a little bleeding heart.
(Zach laughs) Yeah, so cute.
(laughing)
- You made this?
I thought you were gonna make like a lumpy old thing!
This is really nice.
- It looks professional.
- Professional!
I like it.
- Am I the best meal you’ve had today?
- Yeah!
- I mean, I am very hungry.
This took like a very long time to film.
- Shh. - Okay, Maggie. You ready?
- I’m ready!
- Okay, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve been making you stay in the bedroom.
As you may remember, our anniversary is tomorrow.
Four years.
- Aww.
- And we had to cancel our trip to Yosemite,
but I didn’t want you to be without a celebration.
So…
- Wait, really?
- Here we go.
- Aww, it’s so cute!
Thank you for thinking of me.
I did not expect this at all.
- So I made us a picnic because you love picnics.
And I cooked us, if you look over there,
(Maggie gasps) the vegan pizza.
- The avocado thing?
- Uh huh, let’s go!
- Woo! Yay!
- It’s good!
- Okay, I was gonna say
I was gonna make you do it again and pretend you like it.
- It’s good.
- Happy anniversary.
- Well that’s a different question.
That’s like “who’s the most annoying couple?”
- Okay, who’s the most annoying couple?
- Zach and Maggie!
- Okay, great! There we go!
(laughing)
- That’s saying something, too.
- You wanna eat my finger?
- Okay, you have to eat this one.
- This is weird.
- So romantic.
- I don’t like this.
- So romantic!
- I don’t like this.
(laughing)
- Made in Peru?
Hey, like my parents!
- Artichoke hearts?
Hey, it’s from Peru! Like you!
- That’s what I said.
(laughing) Like me!
- We picked up a pottery wheel.
So I now have a pottery wheel in my motherf**king house.
(laughing)
- Woah!
(in unison) Woah!
- Oh my goodness.
(laughing)
- Hey! - Oh my goodness.
- Okay, okay, okay.
There’s a lot of skin.
Hold on, I’m looking.
(Zach laughs) She’s getting in there.
- What did they do?
How did they do this?
You have a lot more wrinkles.
- What!
No, I’m not gonna wrinkle, though.
- Oh, you’re definitely gonna wrinkle.
- Am I cute?
- You’re cute.
You’re a cute old man.
- It’s weird, though, ‘cause you left the house like this.
(laughing)
And now you’re just like, “I’m old!”
- Maggie says she wants to style my hair for the video.
- You look so nice with your hair pushed up.
- I look like I just stuck a fork into an electrical socket.
(imitates being electrocuted)
- Now, Jonathan, if you could get a nice close-up here?
We’re going to do the butthole test.
- Zach…
- Maggie, this is part…this is all we talked about.
We need to make sure.
- Okay.
I’m so sorry, Jonathan. - Can you see it?
- [Jonathan] No.
(Maggie laughs)
- Success!
- [Nick] Are they on backwards?
- No, don’t tell me that.
- Look at the logo.
- The logo, yeah.
- Did I put them on backwards?
Yeah, okay, they’re on backwards.
I’ll be right back.
- Would you date me if I were this…if I looked like this?
- Right now?
- Yeah.
- Absolutely not.
It’d be…I mean…
We’re gonna age together.
- Wait, so you wouldn’t date me if I looked like this?
- Right now.
- Yeah, right now.
- If, like, you just turned into this today?
- Right, like overnight.
I get cursed by a witch.
- Okay, and then you just woke up this way?
- Yes.
- Okay, you’re still the same person.
Yes.
- Yeah, so you would? You would date me.
- I would date you.
- I probably wouldn’t date you if you looked like me.
But that’s ‘cause I want you.
(laughing)
- Okay, Zach, imagine you’re Spiderman.
You’ve got two nets: thwip thwip!
They’re each holding up a trolley.
Full of either the three of us
or your girlfriend, Maggie.
- I kill you.
- True.
- You’re not even getting married in the next five years for certain!
- I think about what that would do for my career.
Everyone would be like, “oh my god did you hear about Zach?
All his friends died.
Let’s go follow him on instagram @korndiddy.”
- That’s an awful justification.
You can just say you love her.
- I get it.
That’s not, that’s horrible. - Oh yeah! I also love my girlfriend!
♪ Eugene’s a third wheel ♪
I’m not a throuple!
- Throuple! - Ugh, gross.
- You guys can wash your hands together.
I’ll go for a walk.