Thank you very much.
(clapping) Thank you.
(clapping)
Thank you very much. [Andy] Woo!
Andy that's enough!
Went on a little long, but still
appreciate it. Well no, that's
how it happens.
The fans won't let you start the show.
[Conan] You're right, you're right.
They love you so much,
or maybe they just don't want the show to start.
Well let's prefer the first explanation.
[Andy] Yeah, yeah. Okay?
[Andy] They love you so much.
Good to see you Andy.
Good to see you.
Taking off my mask now.
Again broadcasting from the
lovely Largo theater here in Los Angeles.
[Andy] Yep, historic.
Historic, historic theater, great theater.
And we love being in this space
and we have a wonderful show.
Just a wonderful show tonight,
Jim Gaffigan is here and he will teach us to laugh again.
See what I did there?
I know, I had a stroke.
You know, I am excited about the program,
but I think we're all trying to find ways that we can help.
Aren't we, Andy?
I know I am.
That's kind of a, well I am too.
Don't say it like I'm not, I am too.
You're not known for caring about other people.
Maybe not in the past, but it's a new thing I'm trying.
Turning over a new leaf.
Yes, it's like a fad diet.
I'm gonna try caring about other humans.
Right, COVID made me care, the Conan O'Brien story.
(laughing)
Well yes.
COVID, I care, I wanna help any way I can.
And that leads me to this little thing I wanna mention.
I'm not sure if you saw this story in the news,
but because of the coronavirus, this is true,
Buckingham Palace has started laying off staff
due to the lack of tourism.
[Andy] Wow.
They're laying off staff, which is very sad.
Yeah.
So I thought it might be nice to help out
one of those recently laid off workers.
So tonight we've hired
one of the Queen's guard as a paid audience member.
That's right.
And there he is.
And tell us, how's it going Reginald?
You liking America?
Okay, well Queen's guard, tough audience,
but I think I'll get him with some of these monologue jokes.
What do you think, Andy?
Yeah, let him have it.
Alright, here we go.
Hey, check this out.
Yesterday, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos
made $13 billion in one day.
Yeah.
Unfortunately most of that money was stolen off his porch.
(laughing)
'Cause like the boxes get stolen.
[Conan] The boxes at Amazon
get stolen. [Andy] Yeah, yeah.
And that's why, okay listen to this.
President Trump has ordered
the Chinese consulate in Houston to be closed, uh-huh.
In response Chinese diplomats said,
Oh no, we don't get to hang out in Houston in August?
(laughing)
Right? It's miserably hot there.
[Conan] It's very, and humid.
And humid, very humid. [Conan] Yeah, yeah.
So the Chinese don't care.
They don't care about not, not, okay here we go.
Not a bad punishment for the Chinese.
Here we go.
Iceland has a new service where people can go to a
designated location and scream out their frustrations.
Yeah.
We have something like that here in America,
it's called Costco.
(Andy and Conan laughing)
Man, this guy, he's tough.
[Andy] Yeah. Okay here we go.
NFL players are warning that the season may not happen.
Yeah, after hearing this Jets fans said,
Hey, do what you gotta do .
(laughing)
The Jets are very bad. They suck!
[Conan] They suck and so. The Jets suck, Jets blow.
Okay, Andy, this one's gonna get him.
This is gonna get him.
[Andy] All right, let him have it.
Disney World has banned its guests
from eating while walking.
Yeah, so they don't pull off their masks as they stroll.
Yeah, Disney said,
We want our guests to get diabetes or COVID, but not both.
(laughing)
Wow.
[Andy] Huh. Man.
You know Andy, I should've seen this coming.
The Queen's guard are famously trained
to not react to anything.
I don't think anyone in the world can make him laugh.
Yeah.
I mean making those guys laugh
is harder than a week old biscuit.
(laughing)
(continues laughing)