We learned from a very early age to make our sense of self-worth conditional upon some
kind of external criteria which can be judged by others.
Because of this, self-compassion becomes a challenge because self-compassion requires
a natural ability on your part to be able to deal with your failures as well as successes
with understanding, acceptance and kindness.
The problem I see with the self-esteem movement particularly is that self-esteem movement
again in a kind of place into this tendency to make your sense of worth conditional upon
what you achieve.
And inevitably that involves comparison with others.
And, you know, and there’s also a moral problem there because in order to boost your
self-esteem sometimes you need to put down others in our mind.
Whereas self-compassion doesn’t require any of that.
What self-compassion is suggesting is that you should be able do same thing that you
normally do to someone that you care about towards yourself.
And the beauty of that is that once you have that kind of ability to relate to your own
situation with kindness, it creates a kind of a reservoir of strength and resilience
so that you have plenty to draw from.
Because otherwise if your compassion is always other directed and you do not take care of
your own needs and your own wellbeing, at some point this kind of leads to compassion
fatigue.
And even in some cases when the relationship does not work and when there is not enough
recognition coming from the recipient side you might even feel betrayed and let down
and used and ultimately even feeling bitterness.
So having a greater base of self-compassion really buffers against all of this potentially
and negative consequences of being always too much other focused.