- Today on No Drama with Keith.
- You're dead to me anyway!
I'm not proud that I cheated.
- Shut up.
- You shut up.
- Shut up.
- You love to see it.
- Jesus, you white?
- Who wouldn't wanna get dicked down by Jesus?
- Oh my God!
(applauds)
- Hello and welcome to No Drama with Keith Leak.
- [Audience] Yeah!
- I'm your host, Keith Leak.
And today we have quite the dispute on our show.
Tucker and Madison LaMace are an online
famous couple known for their unexplainable wealth.
But lately this storybook marriage has gone sour.
(audience boos)
It's really sad.
Really sad.
Everyone give a warm round of applause
for Madison LaMace.
(audience cheers)
- Hi Keith.
- Hello, now I don't want no drama.
- Okay.
- And her husband, Tucker LaMace.
(audience boos)
- Whatever, dude. Get tucked.
Get tucked, fine.
- I don't want no drama.
(slaps)
(audience cheering)
- All right LaMace family,
so when did things go from good to bad?
- He's completely checked out
from our relationship, on camera and off.
- What? I am all in.
I am tucking all the time.
- Yeah, exactly.
- And what is tucking, exactly?
- Why don't you explain what tucking is?
- Is it like fucking?
- No, but it kind of is.
Tucking is a way of life.
Like for instance, I replaced all
of her tampons with Roman candles.
Tucked.
(audience chants)
Awesome. Thanks.
Yeah. That's right.
- We are a family vlog channel people,
not a prank channel.
We worked very hard for what we have.
- Yeah.
We pumped out a couple of those, those things.
(laughs) Hold on.
We're a family vlog channel, but we're we
we stopped making babies together.
We have, I think two-
People got bored!
They need another baby.
- So you guys haven't been making whoopy lately?
- Yeah, we haven't been and I know it's-
- As husband and wife,
we should be dedicated to the family we have
and the family we have online
and we are not delivering because you-
(audience cheers) - Wow.
- Thank you.
Because you're too busy with your Fort blocks
and whoever it is you're texting at 2:00 AM.
- It's Fortnite.
- Oh, so who, so who are you texting on your phone?
- I'm not texting.
I'm buying NFT's.
- Well, I have determined you have indeed
been texting someone and that someone is here.
(audience gasps)
Everyone give a round of applause,
for Tucker's mistress, Kimber.
(audience claps) (music plays)
- (censored) - Me? What?!
- I don't know who this is.
- All right, Kimber, I don't want any drama
but when did you start if***** Tucker?
- What a great question, Keith.
So Tucker and I have been intimate
for now about, seven months, I'd say.
- Wow. (audience gasps)
- We just celebrated six months in Mexico.
- [Keith] Oh, Mexico.
- I'm sorry, Keith.
Did you know that we were married
and have children and a life together?
- I'm sorry, but Tucker and I
have been intimate for a long time.
And even before we started having intimate relations
they were a everyday user of my Only Fans.
This right here is my whale, honey.
This is my whale, honey.
- The only fans I know are LaMace army.
They're the only fans that I care about.
I don't, I don't know what Only Fans is.
- You don't need to defend yourself, Tucker.
I can do it for you.
- I don't- No, no, no.
You do not need to defend me. - Hey, shut up.
Shut up.
- You shut up.
- Shut up.
- You shut up.
- Everybody shut the fuck up.
(audience chants)
- You think I'm gonna play along
with this whole charade?
Over my dead body!
- Charade?!
- You say over your dead body.
Well, your dead body is here today.
Everybody give it up for Tucker's dead body!
(audience claps)
(music plays)
So Tucker, how does seeing your dead body make you feel?
- What the fuck is going on?
- Am I alive?
(stutters)
- Tucker's dead body, uh, how long you been dead?
- You love to see it.
- So Madison, how does Tucker's dead body make you feel?
- You know? It all makes sense.
'Cause Tucker, I feel like you're dead to me anyway.
- Wow. God damn. (audience oohs)
Kimber, I see you winking over there.
Do you know Tucker's dead body?
- Do I, Keith?
That is my man right there.
That is my boy friend.
- I'm pretty sure that's a dead body.
- You're pretty sure?
Okay, Keith. Pretty sure is not very sure,
so next time you start accusing people of things,
maybe you should check your facts.
(audience oohs) We met at the park.
It was beautiful.
They were swimming in the lake.
Like this, going down with the, with the current.
- Yeah, okay.
- Why does it look like you're questioning me?
You don't think I know him?
I'm sorry.
Were you there when we had to date at Panera Bread
on Fridays when they still served the clam chowder?
Tucker loved the clam chowder.
Tucker and I love Panera clam chowder.
If you were there, you would see how cute it is
when I feed him.
People film, Keith.
That's how cute we are.
- You know what, you deserve each other
'cause this thing smells like s***.
- Oh really?
- I don't love you anymore.
You wanna know where I'm going to put my love
from now on is to my family, and my fans
and to my one and only, Lord and savior.
- Now don't say the Lord's name
in vain because he is here today.
Everybody welcome, Jesus the Christ.
(audience cheers)
Hold on. Jesus, you white?
So Jesus, Jesus, take a seat.
Jesus, take a seat.
Now, I don't want no drama Jesus.
But give us an inside scoop
of what's really going on around here.
- Yes, of course.
I know everything about everyone.
- [Keith] All right.
- No lies can be hidden from me.
- Okay. So what you know?
- Well, for instance Tucker's dead body
assaulted Barney in the nineties.
Wow. (audience boos)
- Keith, you hit a person with your car
in 2006 and just kept driving.
- I don't drive.
And anything about Tucker here?
- Maybe something about him being a terrible husband.
Do you know anything about that?
I'm sure you do.
- When he goes to poop,
he, he doesn't do the, the flush right after the poop.
- So no courtesy flush
- [Jesus The Christ] No courtesy flush.
- Oh wow. Oh Tucker!
- And finally Madison and I have been very intimate.
(Audience oohs)
Sexual intercourse for, for several years now.
- What?!
- And I would like to take her to my kingdom
which is my mansion in Fresno.
- So, so Madison you've been cheating on Tucker as well.
- If our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ knocked
on your door and said: "Hey, wouldn't you like
if I dicked you down?", you would say yes!
- Absolutely.
- You would say yes.
- Who wouldn't wanna get dicked down by Jesus?
- Exactly.
- I was actually thinking about making shirts
selling that on my website.
Jesus dot Lord slash merch.
- Listen, I'm not proud that I cheated.
Okay. It's all cause of this man.
He was never there for me.
- Yeah he wasn't there
for you cuz he was there for me, honey,
(all arguing at the same time)
(all aruging at the same time)
- Everyone, everyone, settle down
- Who are you? Who is this?!
Tell me who this is!
- We will back with our final thoughts.
(all-out chaos in the room) (music plays)
- This is your brain
and this is AirPods.
This is what happens
to your brain when you use AirPods.
Any questions?
- And now it's time for my final thoughts.
As you can see here today, love can be complicated.
And when you're married, you have to work together.
If you don't, you'll get this (bleep)
So I have to decide if the Lamace family will stay together
or if Madison will leave with Jesus and I have decided
That Madison's gonna leave here with Jesus.
(audience applauds and cheers) - Woo. Oh my God. Jesus!
- Yeah, Jesus.
- Are you okay?
- What's wrong, honey?
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
Tucker do, do you have anything to say about me leaving you?
- I'm not alive.
I'm I don't exist.
- Tucker. Please take me back.
I'm sorry.
This is a big mistake.
I regret this entire thing, I shouldn't have contacted
this TV show.
Please take me back.
Jesus. I'm sorry.
I still love you.
- Nooo!
- Oh my god!
- Right guys join us next week and the great words
from our great auntie Mary J. Blige: "No more drama!"
See you guys.
(loud arguing)