we have the stigma about depression that
says that you're weak you should be able
to pull yourself by your buckles and and
you know and push forward but depression
is much bigger than that I wasn't aware
that he was depressed for a very long
time
we need our doctors to push the envelope
a little bit and ask that question is
your husband exhibiting any issues
that's similar to depression is he is he
doing something that makes you feel that
he's depressed
depression in ms is very common much
higher than we expect to see in the
general population and it can be hard to
diagnose because so many other symptoms
can interfere with its interpretation my
name is William some people call me
Jerry some people call me Robert I've
got three or four names and that's
because I was a radio personality who I
was in many ways was Robert Holliday in
this radio personality and now he was
dead and I didn't know what to do with
myself
and then I felt I had no purpose anymore
he truly just stopped it life he did not
participate in anything at that
particular time he was still able to
walk and he still had his voice so it
didn't make sense that he didn't want to
do radio anymore there are many signs
and symptoms of depression some
individuals feel sad and filled down at
times other people may demonstrate or
manifest their depression by symptoms of
irritability now some of the other
things that we look for when people are
experiencing greater levels of
depression are things like changes in
appetite changes in sleep patterns
feelings of hopelessness feelings of not
wanting to participate in activities
that individual has done before I see
that my depression affects everybody in
my life Joel especially because he's
closest to me than anybody she lowers
her head and or she doesn't feel like
moving or something like that and then
then I know I'm there for her whenever
she needs me it's incredibly exhausting
for him I see that he spends a lot of
time trying to cheer me up sometimes I
need him to just listen
just let me have time by myself when I
can't cheer her up I feel I don't know
how to describe but I felt empty inside
that I'm not helping her
there are many symptoms of depression
but two particular issues may actually
identify depression more these two
particular issues are one if a person
has been feeling hopeless or depressed
over the last two weeks and the second
issue is whether or not that individual
has felt a loss of pleasure in that time
period if an individual answers yes to
either question if they experience even
one of those two things they may be at
higher risk of having depression having
MS and my early diagnosis was a source
of shame to me I felt that made me a
weak person and made me a failure as a
person and in that shame you find
yourself with the drawn and you don't
function you always feel like you're a
burden that felt like it's a big
disappointment I guess
I couldn't talk to you about what I was
going through I felt like he still had
he should have more fight in him but I
loved him and I knew that this wasn't
his fault so it was a struggle dealing
with loving him but yet being angry with
him and trying to balance the - one of
the main things about being a caregiver
is that you do forget about yourself
because you're so busy caring for
someone else I'm so used to answering
questions about my husband
I'm not used to talking about my own
issues he lives in a facility he's cared
for he's taken care of I have my own
life I work I do these things and then
we come together several times a week
and we're very very close we're still
husband and wife but it's not the same
it's depressing to be in a relationship
where you can't have your whole spouse
many things can lead to partner
depression first they may feel isolated
now this depression is very common and
it's very normal the same types of
concerns about not knowing what will
happen in the future how MS will not
only affect that individual but how it
may affect the relationship are very
common I can honestly say that I grieve
not having the old Gary or you grieve
what you had and you want it back the
depression part is just the sadness that
won't go away and how the sadness can
sometimes grow it's it's almost like a
plant it starts off as a little seed of
sadness and then before you know it it
becomes this great big weight on you it
is very normal for individuals to
experience a sense of grief to
experience that feeling of loss and that
feeling of not knowing what's going to
happen but that doesn't mean that they
necessarily have significant depression
and so with grief sometimes we need to
just ride that out because the symptoms
will get better over time with
depression for some people it becomes
quite chronic and does not seem to
improve on its own with crime and that's
when we really need to try to get that
individual help sometimes partners of
those with MS don't feel like they can
say things directly to that person with
Emma
for example they may feel that their
fears or their concerns about the
unknown may put greater stress on the
individual with MS so it's important
that they find and feel an outlet for
someone to talk to and that individual
may be a professional or it may come
through a support group I did go to some
counseling about a year ago and talked
about my anxiety and my depression and
my situation and that helped me a lot
other activities that may be used in
combination with talk therapy and
medications may be participating in
self-help groups through the MS Society
exercise and other forms of social
interaction we believe that the
combination of these talk therapies and
medication management are ideal for many
people and many people benefit from
treatment there are so many medications
out there and so many medications that
may not be optimal for that one
individual that's why a service
individualized approach is best for
everybody my doctor and I are working to
adjust the dosage of my depression
medication until I find a level that I'm
happy with it does help when she talks
to her counselor and stuff it's nice
it's once a week they talk over the
phone it helps the painting helps her a
lot she's great at what she does and
when she gets involved in a project I
let her be my experience with depression
my art very much reflects it I have some
pieces that are very dark but a lot of
people pick up on my emotion based off
my art when I do try to find the
motivation or inspiration to paint I try
to immerse myself in things that bring
me joy things that bring me out in the
funk my dog is one of the best just
doing silly things anything that makes
me laugh that's why I think I gravitate
to technology in a way because it gives
me a certain vibe in the
I can get in my chair and ride down to
the bus stop which is a mile and a half
away by myself I can you know until my
phone to play and yard I can call up
artist and play songs if I want to hear
it I just want independence I had to
start making decisions for me I had to
put one step in front of the other and
put together a plan for myself I was
able to put some things in place and and
start trying to build my life again
[Music]