Okay, I've seen over 70 films from 2009.
I've seen a lot of bad movies in my life, but this is the first time I've ever used
the word
"sloppy" to describe someone's directing. This is a
perfect movie for those who know enough about movies to like films that
definitely aren't directed by Michael Bay, but who also
don't really understand why they like a movie... It seems as if most people like this
film because they think they're supposed to?
I don't know, like, try to fill me in.
Yes I know I'm using the red letter media formula
You don't have to tell me that
I love his shit, I'm gonna do it like that, so
eat my horse cock.
Ooh, look at all the pretty CGI edits they made in the movie to reflect something
about the character
I'll admit that some of these at its corelated with with how their character is
feeling at a certain point in the story,
but some of them are just kinda thrown in there and don't really have any
relation anything, and it looks really stupid and
forced. "Oh look, it's so artsy, I don't really understand it but it must be
soooo ingenious that it's going right over my head!" On top of the
random CG just for the sake of there being CG,
there's R&B for the sake of their being R&B.
If I wanted to beat round in R&B I would watch all of Tyler Perry's movies back
to back. *Rimshot*
It doesn't add anything to the scenes, but it
seems like the director couldn't help but put his iPod playlist in the movie like
any other amateur in the film industry.
Hold on, I'm getting a phone call.
Okay, I'm sure all of you hate me right now because I've only pointed out
little nitpicky things
about how I don't like the CG, how I don't like the
music choices, but now I will get to some actual things
that are non-refutable in terms of
making a movie not as good as it should have been.
Even after noticing obvious continuity errors within the first five minutes of the
film, I still wanted to give this movie a chance; usually I wouldn't
even give a rats ass about continuity errors in movies as part of my overall rating,
but these were errors that woudn't even require one to reshoot the scene to fix.
All they had to do was
cut a shot less than a second earlier than they did, and she
wouldn't have slumped her backpack down her shoulder,
and then have it back up in the next angle.
Like, there wasn't even any dialogue going over top of it, or anything, these mistakes
were nothing but the result of sloppy editing, sloppy directing,
And a sloppy script. Hey, the teacher misspelled the word requirements!
Well, let's take a moment and look at the script if you're wondering what sort of
problems I had with it. The script is based on the book
"Push" by Sapphire, and I was told that the book was based on several stories of
young people living in terrible neighborhoods,
and that would actually explain a lot because this is the most retarded sequence of
events to ever take place for one person.
Yes, I understand that unlikely things happen in movies;
if movies were made about the characters that had nothing happen to them, then it
wouldn't be entertainment, it wouldn't be a movie.
With that being said, the way that the events take place in movies is all but
extraneous.
Every event was thrown in there with no other purpose than to make the character
seems as innocent as possible and everyone around her seem
as cruel and vicious as possible. Let's have a scene where
everyone in her class laughs at her weight! Let's have a scene
that we'll keep flashback back to, cause you're too stupid remember, where she's getting
raped by her dad!
What I don't like about that flashback scene is that they honestly just used it
anytime she was sad, period. It basically was inadvertently making all of her other
problems seem superficial
because any time during the movie where she was sad, it would just flash back to the
sex scene
as if nothing else matters that's going on around her. k I'm gonna stop it right
here for a second and pull a quick preemptive self-defense
I'm not trying to say that we shouldn't feel bad for
rape victims and I'm not trying to say that it doesn't play a
large portion into their life and shape who they are
and every experience that they've had; all you have to do is
not add such out-of-this-world sound effects that make it impossible to
actually be able to relate to the images on the screen
and not just flashed back to it thirty thousand times. Just show it once
and have it horrible and make it stick in our heads like it did
the actual character and then maybe it would be effective.
I'm sure a lot of people have gone through any these situations.
They might hold this movie very close to their heart and relate to it, and
feel for it. As soon as a good movie comes out with an underprivileged girl whose
tortured and
innocent, I'll be telling everybody to go see it, but until then
this movie sucks. Stop pretending it doesn't suck. Shut up!
The only reason I'm actually defending myself right now is because someone
went up to me after they saw my Facebook review of this
on Flixster and they were like, "Hey,
be careful what you say about this movie because you might,
you know, look like the bad guy. You might look like you hate black people,
or people who are overweight or people who are victims of rape."
And I'm like, well, that doesn't make it any less on a bad movie. It's still a bad movie.
It's not like the worst movie of all time, but it's still a bad movie, and
everybody things it's great. And they're like, "Well yeah, but
thinking it's a bad movie might make you look like a bad guy." I'm like,
I guess I finally understand why everybody likes this movie. *Rimshot*
JESUS FUCK I NEED SOME SUNKIST ORANGE
DRINK RIGHT NOW Think that was random?
FALSE
This movie attacks your subconscious bluntly and repeatedly
by showing you images Sunkist orange soda
over and over and over again.
I would like you to look at how much time has passed this YouTube video
starting exactly
now (5:54). And that's when the clips start.
And, in each of these clips,
there's always a clearly visible
Sunkist orange soda. I'm actually, you know struggling to, you know
think of- think of things to say
during this whole orange soda breakdown because they're so much
fucking Sunkist orange soda and if you
look in this scene
it actually appears out of nowhere and
then disappears again. Like, all that- that
cut to her, and cut back to the kid, cut back to her,
back to the kid and back to her,
That was all part of the movie. It wasn't my cut. It's like they want your subconscious to
stay focused on it or something.
Very, very weird.
Yeah, so much sunkist orange soda I
fucking called up my friend while I was in the middle watching this movie - and don't
worry,
it was in the theaters, I'm not stupid -
And I said, hey,
bitch, go buy me some orange pop right now
because I need some orange soda. And now the song's gonna change because this one
ended.
Anyway we call it pop here in Canada, but I've been saying soda so that might be
confusing.
All these have Sunkist orange in it.
But he did not buy Sunkist brand, he bought Crush
orange instead, because I hate advertisements,
and so should you, because this is ridiculous.
I don't think I saw one other products advertised in this
entire movie, and now that we're almost near the end of this,
I want you to take a look at your YouTube time
Right, now (7:41)! This movie basically had Sunkist
grasping for your attention for almost two
whole minutes of screen time, and that's not including the ones I missed.
Yes. "You might not have noticed these at first, but yer brain did."
I don't think I've ever seen such blatant product placement within a movie
since the head and shoulders product placement in the
movie "Evolution."
"Wow, fighting the alien menace can be tough work."
"And so is keeping your hair clean, shiny, and dandruff free." "So it's a good thing that
we always keep a healthy supply of
Head and Shoulders around the house!"
You know what, just fucking pause this video, go buy some orange pop, and
come back, but make sure that it's not Sunkist brand. Make their rival,
you know, fucking, soda brands
compete because I hate advertisments. Except for mine go
buy my CD.
Okay back on track. We then have a scene where she orders some fried
chicken and then runs off with this bucket full of stolen, crispy goodness.
The employees at the store see her as she's doing this, and
actually the begin to run after her out the building.
It shows a shot of her running about, you know, a
quarter mile an hour down the sidewalk as she's gobbling down the contents of the bucket, and
I'm thinking, how can she eat and run at the same time, and
won't the employees catch up to her as she's only
five feet out of the building, and it clearly shows them start right after her?
Well apparently not, cause it kinda just cuts to her walking down a hallway in
school with the chicken later. Like, what?
Were we supposed to assume that this guy washing th windows was the only person that worked there or something, or
You can see the guy in the background who was putting shit in the deep frier, you know
actually start to case after her. Look at that, he totally just, zoom! Right in the background. Guess they
couldn't really think of a realistic way to get her out of the situation, so instead of shooting it so that
the employees didn't notice her, it just kinda skips to the next
scene. Maybe she's got super speed whenever she's off-camera.