(energizing electric guitar music)
- From the Edinburgh Fringe Festival,
it's Set List: Stand Up Without a Net!
Comedians from around the world
are coming on stage and they're gonna riff
on topics we gave 'em, zero preparation,
making comedy out of thin air for your sadistic pleasure.
(energizing electric guitar music)
- The first time I did Set List in London,
it was the first I've ever been nervous
for a gig in a decade.
It was just a strange feeling,
'cause I'm now at the point where I think, oh yeah,
I know what I'm doing.
- Will you welcome the never-before-seen Set List
of Mr Thom Tuck!
(cheering)
Welcome back, brother.
- Hello, hello, hello.
I'm not doing a show this year,
but if I was I'd call it
(audience laughs)
I get very annoyed with people who bang on
about the cost of Thatcher's funeral.
Come on, she was democratically elected
four times in a row, wasn't she?
Unless your alleging massive vote rigging,
let's burn her nicely.
(audience laughs)
And, I happen to know,
that inside that coffin,
slowly went into that furnace,
(audience member chuckles)
was not containing
an 80 year old woman.
Instead it was three dogs,
(audience laughs)
three dogs that Thatcher had strangled herself.
(audience laughs)
As she was, she is dead.
She did not fake her own death,
that's not what I'm implying.
But she did fake her funeral.
(audience laughs)
She died, but she rose again.
(audience laughs)
There is an undead Thatcher,
(audience laughs)
currently in Chile.
(audience laughs)
Sunning her zombie flesh,
throttling more dogs for strength.
(audience laughs)
She's gone to Chile because she wants to close the mines.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
(audience laughs)
Now I've got an alter ego.
(audience laughs)
My alter ego is half Jewish on the mother's side,
so fully Jewish, huh maths.
(audience laughs)
And he's half Muslim on his father's side,
but he's converted, so fully Muslim.
(audience laughs)
Claimed by both, both, bacon hates us.
(audience laughs)
He's a cracking guy, Mohammed,
little Mo, Mo Fink,
(audience laughs)
And he's got,
(audience laughs)
he's figured everything out,
the way
to solve all
the world's problems.
And there's a few, aren't there?
(audience laughs)
You seen 'em out the window, haven't you?
(audience laughs)
Oh, that looks nasty.
(audience laughs)
And on the News, through the window, into the world,
the telly, telly, telly.
(audience laughs)
You go "oh that's nasty, someone should sort that out,"
well Mo Fink has.
(audience laughs)
What you gotta do, right,
and this is Mo Fink speaking, not me,
(audience member chuckles)
is just don't be a dick about it.
(audience laughs)
Whatever it is, don't be a dick about it.
(audience laughs)
If it's the words on a bit of paper that you like,
a book, a holy text, holy text,
(audience laughs)
if it's them words, you know those words you like,
some of them, just don't be a dick about it.
(audience laughs)
If it's like, where you like to sit down.
If someone else likes to sit, um, ah, borders,
(audience laughs)
wage war borders,
just don't be a dick about it.
(audience chuckles)
If it's how you aggressively creep into another country
surreptitiously via capitalistic means
rather than military ones,
ah, just don't do it.
(audience laughs)
Well, we got away with that one. (Laughs)
(audience laughs)
Hey, team. (audience laughs)
Now we don't all work together, but if we did,
if we say we were like in an office together,
like, you might work in an office yourself.
Well done. (audience chuckles)
In this economy, am I right?
(audience laughs)
The fun day is always the Fridays aren't they?
Because oh weekend's coming, weekend's coming,
I can put some larger in my face.
(audience chuckles)
But Friday is gonna be fun anyway.
Saturday's next.
(audience chuckles)
The day that needs zhuzhing up.
(audience chuckles)
It's the first day of the week, isn't it?
Nothing gets done on a Monday, does it?
(audience chuckles)
Nothing gets done on a Monday.
So you might as well construct a jacket out of veal.
(audience laughs)
If you don't like it,
you can have a corn hat if you're vegetarian.
(audience laughs)
But it won't look as stylish, I promise.
(audience laughs)
You'll think it does,
but it doesn't.
(audience laughs)
There's probably a joke in there about taste.
(audience laughs)
Now guys, (audience laughs)
if you're anything like me,
banks don't like you.
(audience laughs)
And I, for quite a while, thought it was my fault
because of my reckless nature.
(audience laughs)
But turns out,
fucking, I think someone's gone and bloody cloned me.
(audience laughs)
And he's taken all, both my credit cards.
(audience chuckles)
And he's bought himself some really nice clothes.
(audience chuckles)
And I'm left with this shit.
(audience laughs)
I mean I've got money for sharpies but that's it.
(audience laughs)
And this bloke, he's going around
calling himself Muhummed Finkelstein.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
Oh we do have to go on with this, don't we?
(audience laughs)
Right, okay.
(audience laughs)
So I wanked one panda.
(audience laughs)
I thought I was helping, I brought a pipette.
(audience laughs)
Yeah, put on a lot of mascara and eyeshadow.
I lose one vial of panda semen,
banned from the zoo.
(audience laughs)
Banned!
I was a member.
I was there every week watching the penguin parade.
(audience cuckles)
It's nice isn't it?
Penguins, walking.
(audience laughs)
I like all of the monochrome animals.
(audience laughs)
(audience claps)
But I've only ever wanked a panda.
(audience laughs)
Zebras, quite flacid it turns out.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
Bye.
(energizing electric guitar music)
When you get Set List right, you fucking feel like a god.
(laughs) it's amazing.
And when you get it wrong, you don't feel that bad.
I did a routine last time I was here
where I stopped using nouns.
I'm very proud of it.
(heavy bass)
(upbeat music)