- Hey there.
This is Mat and I'm here with my wife, Irene
and we're heading home from a graduation lunch.
I couldn't let this moment pass
without bringing you this video.
It's a video that I've wanted to do for you for a long time
and this video is all about three things
to help your man fall in love.
Check it out.
(peaceful music)
All right, so my name is Mat Boggs.
I'm the co-founder of the Love & Relationship
division of the Brave Thinking Institute.
Our mission is empowering people to create and live lives
they love living and that includes your love life.
So if you like this video, go ahead and hit
that subscribe button, get yourself subscribed,
and every week we'll send you great videos
to empower you in your love life.
And this video I wanted to bring you
because we're in the car.
It's a special private moment where we don't have the kids
and I have her attention and she can't get away.
(Irene laughing)
So I wanted to bring you.
There were three things that this amazing woman did
on our first date that laid the path
for me to falling in love with her.
And I wanted her to share them
with you specifically what she did.
So let me set the scene first because you're driving
so I want you to stay focused,
- All right. - but we're going to need
your thoughts on all three of these.
- Okay.
- You're in, okay. - I'm in.
- So here's the first thing.
We had scheduled the date and we decided to meet up
at a 7-11 before going to the restaurant
and then we'd go in the same car to the restaurant.
It's just based on where our starting points were.
So we get together at the 7-11 and then what happened?
- Well, I remember you came into my car and you asked me,
"So where are we going?"
Thinking, you know, that it was kind of my hometown.
- Oh yeah, to let you know, I lived out of state.
I was in Oregon, she's was in California,
so I had flown down for business and said
"Let's go on a date." - Yeah.
- So I get in the car and I'm like,
"Where are we going?" - Where are we going?
And I thought, Oh, for sure I mean, you're the guy,
you'd already looked up a few places.
I mean back then, it was like very cool, you know,
to know certain places around and I thought,
well, you're the guy. - Which I had not.
- You make the plan, right?
Like that's kind of what I'm used to
and I was not expecting for you to ask me,
"Where are we going?"
I'm like, "I don't know where we're going.
"You tell me."
- And here's the thing, I was so used to dating women
who were in their masculine.
See I'm a masculine guy but I had to learn dating skills
from my older sister.
So when dating, I had kind of fallen into more
of a feminine "receive, let the other person lead."
I would attract these masculine women, beautiful women,
but in their masculine and we would end up butting heads
or repelling one another, not building attraction.
It just didn't work.
So in that moment when I'm like,
"Hey so where do you want to go?"
She was like "You're the guy.
"I thought you would have a plan.
"Don't you?"
And she wasn't, you weren't mean about it.
- No. - You were like--
- I was just like, "Um, I don't know.
"I mean, you're the guy.
"Isn't that what you're supposed to do."
- And in that moment heat went over my whole body.
That kind of nervous energy, like oh my gosh
I don't have a plan.
I'm failing her in this moment.
And so I whipped out my phone.
I think she could see like beads of sweat pouring
forming on my forehead and so you helped me in that moment
and you're like, "I like Italian and I like sushi.
"So either of those places I'll be good with."
So she threw me a little bit of help.
I quickly found a sushi place and we were off.
We went to sushi, had a great sushi
and this brings us to the second thing that she did,
which was to share her standards and boundaries.
So we went for a walk.
What happened after sushi?
Where'd we go?
- We went on to the pier and walked.
It was a fairly long pier, so we walked around the pier
like went all the way to the end, walked around.
I remember you tried to kiss me
and that was something that,
because I didn't quite feel comfortable with you yet.
I was just discovering who you are.
I mean, this is like, literally our first--
- I think I asked you, I was like, "Come here, can I?"
- Yeah. - Little fun, playful way.
Can I get a little kiss? - And you came real close
and I put my finger up and I put it on your lips
like whoa, wait a second here.
I'm like, "I'm sorry, but I don't kiss on the first date.
"Like, I really am trying to get to know you."
And I had my guard up of course.
I was trying to be protective of myself
and I just knew that that was something
that you had to earn.
It wasn't something that I was willing
to just freely give away, so.
- Can we get a mic drop, boom. - Boom.
- That's something you have to earn,
not something that you give away.
I've been on many dates that were, the kiss was given away.
You didn't have to earn the kiss.
It was just like, let's kiss.
It was no big deal.
The woman didn't hold it as a special thing.
And so that was unusual for me, but not like lots of dates.
Not lots, several dates.
Just several dates.
- The truth comes out, folks.
- But, so that was really, really impactful for me
when you said I don't kiss on the first date
and that's something you're going to have to earn.
And so instantly I'm thinking in my mind,
Okay, what is going to be required
to earn that place in her life
to be the man who can give you a kiss.
And even if it's in the back of my mind
I'm starting to think about that.
This brings us to the third thing that she did
that laid the groundwork, really paved the way for me
falling in love with her because it was already
different than the first, then a lot of other dates
that I've been in.
One is she refused to take the lead.
She refused to step into the masculine.
She refused to take over control.
She said, "Look, you're the guy, you plan the date.
"I'll sit here and wait."
And she was happy to receive.
Then when we went to sushi,
the other thing that you did with that is you celebrated me.
She was like-- - Yeah.
I was like, "Oh my gosh, I love this place.
"This is so cool."
- So now while the risk was high because I didn't know
what place was going to be good, if it was good,
she celebrated me which created this huge payoff for me.
Like, yes, I accomplished what she wanted.
I delivered happiness, which is what men want to do.
We want to deliver you happiness.
Then we go on a romantic walk.
- Yeah. - I may go for a kiss.
And you say, no, I don't kiss on the first date.
We come back to the car and this
is the third thing that you did.
What was it?
- I remember feeling very like vulnerable in that moment.
And just, I had this intuitive hit
to say something that came from my heart
but also there was a fear that maybe it would push you away
and at the same time, it also felt kind of like a strategy.
I thought, well, if I say this, it might either
push him away and that's it,
and I don't have to worry about getting emotionally invested
because I can already feel myself experiencing something
and that I hadn't experienced before in other relationships
or other first dates.
- It was a good first date.
- It was a good first date. - Yeah.
- And you know, I just put it out there.
I was like, you know, I'm ready to like
have a committed relationship.
Whether that means two years or five years
or whatever that looks like but I'm ready to have
a long-term, committed relationship with somebody
and I didn't say anything about Mat,
I just said, this is where I am.
And this is what I would like.
And I remember-- - I think you
said it like this, I mean think about this,
She was dropping exactly what she wants.
She goes, we're sitting in the car and she was like
can I share something with you?
And I'm like, yeah, and she goes, you know,
I think I'm done playing around.
- Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, I did say that.
- I want something serious.
I'm ready and she wasn't looking at me,
she was looking up at this moon.
We had this big, bright, beautiful moon that night
and I can remember sitting there and hearing her say
I'm not ready to play around.
I don't want anything casual.
I just want, I think I'm ready to start something
really serious and something special with somebody.
And in my mind, I was in a real interesting place
in my love life because I knew I wanted that
but if I was in a place where I was just happy dating,
being casual, dating multiple people, all open
but just like not being super serious.
And so I knew in that moment she placed herself in my mind
in a special place, which is, oh, "I can't date this one.
I can't date this woman casually.
I'm going to have to date.
If we're going to date, it's gotta be because
I've got intentions of something more serious with her."
And so she caused me to see her differently.
Cause your man to see you differently.
Cause your man to see you the way you want to be seen.
The only way that can happen is if you see yourself
the way you want to be seen and by owning your standards
and bounds and by claiming what you want.
So the standards and boundaries is
I don't kiss on the first date
and then the third step is claim what you want,
share it with him and to do this,
you've gotta be brave enough to scare him away.
- That's exactly what I did.
- I love that you say that
because it was like, if I didn't want that, I had to run.
- I was being vulnerable and I was a little bit nervous
that it would scare you away.
- To make the right man fall in love,
you've got to be willing to make the wrong man run.
To make the right man fall in love,
you've gotta be willing to make the wrong man run.
In other words if all I wanted was a hookup,
she wants to scare me away
because that's not what she wants.
If all I wanted was to hookup,
sleep together on the first date,
she's gotta be like, no this is what I want.
I'm not that woman, unless you are that woman,
then whatever it is, state what you want.
But that was so powerful because that was the doorway.
That was the opening that said, okay, I really liked,
this is an amazing first date.
I really like this woman.
Maybe this, maybe this could be it, who knows.
Maybe this is the one that I'm going to invest time
and energy in exploring how I feel about her,
exploring what this could become
and that was our very first date.
We knew it was special and that was the spark
that laid the groundwork.
That paved the way to the greatest love story of my life.
Me falling head over heels in love with you.
- Ditto.
- And so I hope this serves you as you're dating,
as you're creating an amazing relationship with your man,
to own your feminine energy, joyfully receive from him,
know your standards and boundaries, share those,
and then claim what you want in the relationship
and he will rise to the occasion.
The right man is going to rise to the occasion
and help co-create that vision with you.
So now we have a question for you.
We would love to hear from you on a first date
what are some things that you know to do
or have seen or done yourself
that help your man fall in love?
Go ahead and place,
put those comments in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
And we will see you soon.
Bye.
- Bye!
(upbeat music)