(upbeat music)
- Emergency contact.
Who's my emergency contact?
(phone chimes)
Hi. - Hello.
Hey, how are you?
- Good, how's home?
Hmm? - [Both] Our home.
- That worked because we're married.
Can you think of anybody I would write
for emergency contact?
- I mean, there's a couple obvious people
that you live with and rely on.
- I'm drawing a blank.
I'll let you know when I think of somebody.
I'm gonna have to call a lot of people.
Can we get a stand here?
I'm gonna call Jennifer Lawrence.
(phone chimes)
Oh my god, hi Jen!
- Hi.
- Oh, my god, it's been forever.
I'm looking for an emergency contact.
- We were barely friends 10 years ago.
How did you get this number?
- Oh...
I got- - I was 20, you were 40.
- When we became friends?
- I don't wanna get back in touch, I'm good.
Okay, good luck with your health issue.
- Okay, thank you.
And I love your work.
I gotta change number. - Mom life, right?
(phone chimes)
Kim Kardashian.
- Hello. - Hi Kim, how are you?
It's me, Amy.
- You remember Khloé.
- Oh my god, hi Khloé.
I'm getting a bunch of elective surgeries
and I just wanted to know if I could list you
as my emergency contact.
- Sure. - Yeah, that's okay?
Okay. - We thrive in emergencies.
- We thrive in chaos.
- I'm a do not resuscitate, even if I get a splinter.
- [Khloé] Sad, we can't do mouth to mouth.
- No, do mouth to mouth no matter what.
- Oh, thank god. - Okay.
I got two emergency contacts.
That's great.
But what if they're busy because they're like, so busy.
They're always like, busy.
All right, I'm gonna try Chris Rock.
- Yeah.
- I wanted to ask you if I could list you
as my emergency contact.
- [Chris] Absolutely.
- Really?
- You should call me if anything goes wrong.
Like Harvey Keitel in "Pulp Fiction."
People are gonna be rooting for your death.
(phone chimes)
- What up?
- Hey, how are you?
- Good, how are you?
- [Amy] Good, you look so cute in your glasses.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, do you think...
'Cause I'm actually filling out this intake form
and I need an emergency contact.
- Can you bring someone that looks like me?
- Like a stand in?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. (phone chimes)
- I appreciate that but I can't take
something like that on right now.
Is that all you wanted to ask?
- Yeah.
- Perfect, love that.
Take it easy.
Bye. (phone chimes)
- I'm having a shake.
I think my teeth green from the shake
so I'm sorry about that.
- They're really green.
I was gonna ask you something
but now I that I'm looking at your teeth.
I think...
(Larry laughs)
- Oh boy, it's that bad.
- It's, yeah, it's...
(Larry continues laughing)
Judd Apatow's been my longtime mentor.
- Would I like be the one who decides
if I unplug you or not?
- Maybe.
- So, if I want to, I can?
- Not Judd. (phone chimes)
Sam Rockwell.
I was guessing you probably had some money.
- Emergency contact.
How does that involve the money part of that?
- I just thought if something happened to me
that you could raise my husband and son.
- That's a challenging endeavor.
Can I get back to you?
- Sebastian Maniscalco would be such
a good emergency contact.
- I barely picked up this FaceTime.
I don't even talk to you.
Don't you have any family or anything?
- Hey dad, how you doing?
- Que passa, muchacha?
- Wow, I didn't know you were so bilingual.
- I speak abyssal.
You know what abyssal means?
- A little?
- It's also a brand name for a vacuum cleaner.
- That's very helpful.
- Hey, Amy.
- Hey, Wanda.
Oh my god, remember when we hosted the Oscars?
That was crazy.
- That was crazy.
- I'm getting a bunch of elective surgeries
and I just wanted to know if I could list you
as my emergency contact.
- You know, I mean, what if they bring back the big McRib?
I just gotta drop everything.
- Yeah.
- [Wanda] And take care of that too.
- Hi. - Hey, Tim.
Can I list you as my emergency contact?
- Hmm. (smacks lips)
(Tim sighs)
Oh, boy.
Can I be like, number four?
- So if the first three people can't...
- Yeah, exactly.
Like, if something happened to the first three,
then I'm number four.
- Right?
- Michael Che's a good friend.
- I think I'm a contact for someone else
and I don't think you can be two contacts
in case two emergencies happen at the same time.
- I'm gonna try Michael Rapaport.
- Hell, no.
No, I don't want that responsibility.
Definitely not.
- Maybe you can be my emergency contact.
- I don't know how reliable I'll be.
- I don't have time.
- I am on toilet.
- Does it come of any responsibilities?
- Blink twice if you want to be my emergency contact.
(phone chimes)
No.
I think I know what I'm gonna write.
This is who I trust more than anybody.
My emergency contact.
I'm ready.
(upbeat hip-hop music)
(audience cheers)
Thank you so much, L.A.
Please. Thank you.