[MIDI music]
[typing]
When it comes to platformers from Apogee,
most people will remember Duke Nukem and Commander Keen,
and for good reason.
Those games were stellar examples of console-like gaming
for IBM PC compatibles.
But one that's forgotten by many, but not here on LGR,
is Monster Bash,
developed and published by Apogee Software in April of 1993 for MS-DOS PCs.
Scary! Action! Haunting! Puzzles!
Scary ACTION haunting puzzles.
Scary action! Haunting puzzles!
Monster Bash is full of scary action and haunting puzzles–
Okay, I get it. I think the action is scary and the puzzles are haunting.
Whatever that even means.
Good job on being explicitly clear and descriptive, marketing people!
This is the rather rare FormGen CD-ROM release of the game,
which is pretty bare bones, as far as what it comes with.
But as usual for Apogee games, it was also available as a free shareware download
and as an even more rare registered version
you could get if you ordered it from them directly.
Yeah, it didn't sell very well, but who cares?
I've got it, so let's give it a scary action haunting look.
Monster Bash begins with the standard Apogee logo,
but with an appropriately bewitching twist.
[witch cackling]
You then get an animated title sequence
that features a fantastic amount of blood for such a cutesy game.
[whoosh]
[bonk and scream]
[MIDI music]
[puking sound]
[music continues]
And, yes, that is an AdLib rendition of the song "Monster Mash,"
which the game obviously takes a bit of inspiration from, at least nominally.
From the main menu, you can do main menu things,
but you may want to take a look at the story
since you get no explanation for anything in-game.
You're ten-year-old Johnny Dash,
and apparently your new dalmatian puppy Tex has gone missing.
It's all stormy and crap outside
and you know what that means.
It's time for a big hairy arm to grab you and yank you under the bed.
But it turns out whatever it is is actually friendly
and lets you know that your dog has been dognapped.
At first, Johnny thinks that it's the Jungle Jill girl down the street,
a not-so-subtle reference to Jill of the Jungle
by Apogee's then-rival, Epic MegaGames.
But, nope, it wasn't Jill. It was the evil Count Chuck.
He's been stealing dogs and cats from all over
and turning them into an army of monsters to take over the world of the living.
A flawless plan.
Until now, because it's up to you to save your dog
as well as countless other pets and stop Chuck from being a dick.
You can choose from three difficulty levels, but trust me,
start with easy, no matter what your macho side tells you to do,
'cause this game is no joke.
Monster Bash begins by literally dropping you into the level,
and yes, you're still in your pajamas.
It's a side-scrolling action-platformer,
and the goal is to rescue all the caged up dogs and cats in each level.
And if you're pondering what I'm pondering, then yes,
its been far too long since "Pinky and the Brain" was still doing new episodes.
Besides that, you might be thinking this idea is quite similar
to that of another Apogee-published horror game,
Halloween Harry, aka Alien Carnage,
though this precedes that game by seven months.
Monster Bash is also quite the different game from that, too,
and plays a lot more like a classic arcade action-platformer.
Actually, I've heard it described as Ghosts 'n Goblins with a slingshot,
and that 's not terribly far off in many ways.
And, yes, a slingshot with infinite rocks is your only weapon,
though you can get limited amounts of different ammo types, if you can find them.
It's more than effective against all enemies
and you can not only shoot directly forward,
but you can shoot up at an angle, as well as while prone on the ground.
And thank goodness for infinite default ammo,
because there is absolutely no shortage of horrific enemies to wipe out.
You've got everything from zombies, dismembered thing hands,
giant snakes, werewolves,
skeletons, witches,
pumpkin-headed scarecrows,
rock gollums and plenty more.
And you've got at least 28 levels across three episodes,
many of which can take up to ten minutes to complete the first time,
so there's plenty of scary action haunting puzzles to experience.
When you're not shooting the locks off animal cages,
the rest of the time you're just avoiding hazards,
dispatching enemies, collecting candy for points,
and hearts and voodoo dolls for health and lives, respectively,
as well as solving the occasional puzzley bit.
Nothing much. Move a block here, open a passageway there. That kind of thing.
Not exactly what I'd call haunting, or even particularly puzzling,
but they most certainly are things that exist.
Something else that existing is the platforming,
and holy crap!
I'm sad to say this is one of those platformers
that I find that the physics don't exactly feel the most connected to me as a player.
It's floaty and a bit odd,
and reminds me little bit of Fire and Ice on the Amiga.
And there's some weird stuff like bouncing into walls and obstacles.
Like, I-I hate that. What is he made of friggin' rubber?
It's just an odd thing to include in a platformer that requires a lot of precision.
You get used to it, and once you do, it's more or less predictable.
Certain parts of the level are just far trickier than you might imagine,
and it largely comes down to how Johnny Dash runs, jumps and crawls.
This, combined with the brutally unforgiving enemies and levels,
leaves me with a slightly bad taste in my mouth,
because half the time I feel like the game is just punishing me,
instead of just me playing badly.
And it's this reason that I find this to be my least-favorite
of the Frank Madden-designed Apogee games,
the others being Crystal Caves and Shadow Warrior.
Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad game.
It's just that I often feel more annoyed than I do challenged in Monster Bash.
That being said, it does have a lot going for it,
from the pleasing EGA graphics to the horror goodness,
to the catchy soundtrack,
to the mostly-enjoyable gameplay,
to scary action haunting puzzles.
It's well worth trying out,
with either the ten-level shareware game for free,
or the full paid-for three episode registered version,
still sold by 3D Realms on their website.
Monster Bash may not have been a game I grew up with,
but it's certainly one that I'm happy to own,
and not just because finding a legit copy is very troublesome.
It's a fun little horror platformer at any time of the year,
and while I may suck at it,
it's still one that I'd recommend giving at least one shot.
At least one SLING-shot, perhaps.
Heh heh heh, ugh, ewww...
[staccato MIDI piano]
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