>>> IT'S THE IMPEACHMENT TOWN HALL!
>> GOOD EVENING. I'M ERIN BURNETT.
THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES HAVE UNITED TOGETHER AND DECIDED TO
HANDLE THE IMPEACHMENT THE ONLY WAY THEY KNOW HOW.
WITH A MUDDLED TEN-PERSON TOWN HALL DEBATE.
>> FIRST, PLEASE WELCOME GUY WHO TRAGICALLY MISREAD OUR
ENTHUSIASM FOR HIM, BETO O'ROURKE.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> HEY! THANKS FOR STILL LIKE HAVING ME
AROUND. THIS IS RAD.
[ LAUGHTER ] NOW, COULD I SAY A FEW WORDS IN
EIGHTH GRADE SPANISH? >> WE REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME FOR
THAT. >> OH.
LO SIENTO IN LA BIBLIOTECA. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NEXT, HE WAS ASKED TO BE INTRODUCED AS THE ASIAN BAD BOY
OF TECH, BUT I'M JUST GOING TO SAY ANDREW YANG.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> YOU THINK MY CANDIDACY IS
GOING WELL? I'M LITERALLY GIVING FREE MONEY
TO PEOPLE AND I'M STILL IN SIXTH PLACE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NEXT, NEW JERSEY SENATOR
CORY BOOKER. >> I'M BLESSED TO BE HERE.
>> AND I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT WE'RE LIMITING THE AMOUNT OF
TIME YOU CAN SPEAK BASED ON HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING IN THE POLLS.
SO CORY, YOU GET FIVE WORDS. >> UM.
IMPEACH TRUMP NOW BECAUSE TROUBLE.
>> THANK YOU, CORY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEAVE NOW TO
BEAT TRAFFIC? >> I WOULD.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NEXT, WE HAVE THE MAYOR OF
SOUTH BEND, INDIANA, PETE BUTTIGIEG.
>> HI. >> IT'S BUTTIGIEG, RIGHT?
AM I PRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY? >> SURE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND APPEARING TONIGHT LIVE
VIA ASTRAL PROJECTION IS MARIANNE WILLIAMSON.
>> KONNICHIWA, GIRLFRIEND. HERE'S HOW I WILL IMPEACH
DONALD TRUMP. I WILL TRAP HIS SOUL INSIDE THIS
CRYSTAL. WHICH I SHOULD WARN YOU IS ALSO
A YONI EGG. SO THIS NOVEMBER, VOTE FOR
MAGIC. GOOD MORNING.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND NOW LET'S MEET THE ACTUAL
CANDIDATES. SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO.
I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED HOT GIRL SUMMER.
BECAUSE NOW IT'S SCHOOL LIBRARIAN FALL.
[ LAUGHTER ] I HAVE THE ENERGY OF A MOTHER OF
FIVE BOYS WHO ALL PLAY A DIFFERENT SPORT.
LET'S DO THIS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> SENATOR FROM VERMONT BERNIE SANDERS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, EVERYONE.
I'M SO EXCITED TO BE BACK. AND TO RUIN THINGS A SECOND
TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE ALSO HAVE THE CURRENT FRONT-RUNNER IN THE POLLS.
HE WENT TO THE DENTIST AND SAID "GIVE ME THE HIGH BEAMS."
VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THERE'S NO NEED TO WORRY ANYMORE.
DADDY'S HERE. AMERICA, I SEE YOU.
I HEAR YOU. I SNIFF YOU AND I HUG YOU FROM
BEHIND. [ LAUGHTER ]
NOW, AS I ASK ANYTIME I WALK INTO A ROOM, WHERE AM I AND WHAT
THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE'D ALSO LIKE TO WELCOME CALIFORNIA SENATOR
KAMALA HARRIS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> NOW, ERIN, THAT LITTLE GIRL YOU JUST INTRODUCED --
THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YES, I KNOW, SENATOR. >> OKAY.
JUST CHECKING. BECAUSE I'M NOT JUST THAT LITTLE
GIRL. I'M ALSO AMERICA'S COOL AUNT.
A FUN AUNT. I CALL THAT A FUNT.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE KIND OF FUNT THAT WILL GIVE
YOU WEED BUT THEN ARREST YOU FOR HAVING WEED.
[ LAUGHTER ] CAN I WIN THE PRESIDENCY?
PROBABLY NOT. I DON'T KNOW.
CAN I SUCCESSFULLY SEDUCE A MUCH YOUNGER MAN?
YOU BETTER FUNTING BELIEVE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OKAY. THANK YOU, SENATOR HARRIS.
AND THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR CANDIDATES.
OUR FIRST QUESTION IS FROM DENISE REYNOLDS.
>> MY QUESTION IS FOR SENATOR HARRIS.
YOU SAID YOU'D GO PAST IMPEACHMENT AND PROSECUTE TRUMP
DIRECTLY. DO YOU STILL STAND BY THAT?
>> OH, HELL YEAH. I'M A SMOOTH-TALKING LADY
LAWYER. I'M RIZZOLI AND I'M ISLES.
I'M A WALKING, TALKING TNT SHOW. DON'T YOU WANT FOUR MORE YEARS
OF ME DRESSING DOWN OUR ENEMIES LIKE THIS?
YOU CALL THAT HUMAN RIGHTS, CHINA?
I CALL IT HUMAN WRONGS. "KAMALA," SUNDAYS ON TNT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND OUR NEXT QUESTION IS FROM
CALVIN MILLETT. >> YEAH, MY QUESTION IS FOR
SENATOR SANDERS. THE DEMOCRATS SAID THEY'RE GOING
FORWARD WITH IMPEACHMENT QUICKLY, BUT DO YOU HAVE THE
PATIENCE TO SEE THAT THROUGH? >> PATIENCE?
DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT PATIENCE. IT TAKES ME 40 MINUTES TO FIGURE
OUT HOW TO TURN ON THE TV EVERY SINGLE TIME!
IF I ACCIDENTALLY HIT INPUT, THAT'S A WHOLE DAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] GONE.
GONE. SOMETIMES I SIT ON THE PORCH AND
DO LITERALLY NOTHING FOR SIX HOURS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE.
I DON'T LOOK AT STUFF. I JUST SIT SO STILL PEOPLE GET
SCARED AND CALL 911. AND NOT FOR THE AMBULANCE.
FOR THE CORONER. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THANK YOU, SENATOR SANDERS. NEXT QUESTION.
YES? >> WHAT IF JOE BIDEN GETS
IMPLICATED IN THIS UKRAINE SCANDAL IN SOME WAY?
>> OH, NO. THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.
NOT JOE BIDEN. >> VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN, DO YOU
HAVE A RESPONSE? >> DO I HAVE TIME FOR A VERY
LONG STORY? >> YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS.
>> I'M GOING TO BLOW RIGHT BY THAT.
THE YEAR IS 1962. I'M LIFEGUARDING.
NO SHIRT. TAN CHEST.
MEDIUM NIPS. [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, AND I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT IT WAS A SEGREGATED POOL, JUST
TO PUT EVERYONE ON THE EDGE FOR THE REST OF THE STORY.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO I'M LIFEGUARDING AND WHO
WALKS IN BUT CORN POP? >> I'M SORRY, CORN POP?
>> SO I SEE CORN POP, AND HE'S CARRYING A SWITCHBLADE NEXT TO A
KID NAMED DRUMSTICK WEARING BRASS KNUCKLES.
AGAIN, I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THE RACES OF THE KIDS, BUT FROM THE
NICKNAMES AND THE TYPES OF WEAPONS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO
FILL IN THE BLANKS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> MR. VICE PRESIDENT -- >> OKAY, SORRY, ANYWAY, LONG
STORY SHORT -- BARACK. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> HEY. REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE THOUGHT I
WAS GOING TO BE THE ONE WHO SEEMED OUT OF TOUCH?
THIS GUY MAKES ME LOOK LIKE DRAKE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> MR. VICE PRESIDENT, I NEED TO
SAY SOMETHING TO YOU. THAT CORN POP IN YOUR STORY WAS
ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT LITTLE CORN POP WAS ME. "CORN POP."
TUESDAYS AT 10:00 ON USA. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT. LET'S JUST GO TO CLOSING
STATEMENTS. BUT JUST FROM THE FOUR
CANDIDATES WHO ACTUALLY HAVE A SHOT AT THIS THING.
SENATOR WARREN, WE'LL START WITH YOU.
>> LOOK. HEY, LOOK.
AMERICA, I'M FUN. I'M LIKE A BRISK WALK.
[ LAUGHTER ] I KNOW ALL THE BIG DONORS ARE
TURNING AGAINST ME. BUT I'M FOCUSED ON THE SMALL
DONORS. $3 FROM ANDREW AT THE CIRCLE K.
53 CENTS FROM A THIRD-GRADER IN ILLINOIS.
$800 FROM AN IMMIGRANT AND STAY-AT-HOME MOM NAMED MELANIA.
>> OKAY. NOW WE'RE GOING TO VICE
PRESIDENT BIDEN. >> LOOK.
I'M LIKE PLASTIC STRAWS. I'VE BEEN AROUND FOREVER.
I'VE ALWAYS WORKED. BUT NOW YOU'RE MAD AT ME?
[ LAUGHTER ] DRINK UP, AMERICA.
IN CLOSING I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY ONE MORE TIME, BARACK.
>> SENATOR SANDERS, CLOSING STATEMENT?
>> AMERICA. HERE IS MY PROMISE TO YOU.
FREE COLLEGE. FREE HEALTH CARE.
FREE REFILLS ON ANY MEDIUM SIZE SOFT DRINK.
LAST TIME MY SLOGAN WAS "FEEL THE BERN."
THIS TIME IT'S "LET'S BERN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND!"
>> SENATOR HARRIS, YOUR CLOSING STATEMENT, PLEASE.
>> THIS FUNT WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK
DIRECTLY TO PRESIDENT TRUMP. MR. TRUMP, NO ONE IS ABOVE THE
LAW. "ABOVE THE LAW."
THURSDAYS ON NBC. GONK GONK.
>> AND THOSE ARE OUR CHOICES, AMERICA.
GOOD LUCK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]