[♫ "Come out, come out, wherever you are," ♫]
[♫ "and meet the young lady who feel from a star!" ♫
You could probably tell from a haircut that I'm not straight, but I'm actually not gay either.
I'm queer - or pansexual or bisexual.
I actually prefer to use the word queer, because people don't assume that they know what it means,
and it can then spark some discussion
about the gender binary and how not everything is so black and white.
I myself identify as a bisexual, cisgender woman, which means I use she/her pronouns,
and I associate with being a female woman.
I also am 27 years old, so I know myself pretty well by now.
I've been like this for as long as I can remember, and I know that bisexuals tend to have
this stereotype of either being confused or non-committal one way or the other,
but believe me - I'm solidly in that gray area. I have been for over a decade now.
So - why am I talking about this right now?
Why do non-straight people have to make "such a big deal" about coming out still?
One word: visibility.
I depended so much on the visibility of others when I was still in the closet.
I've been out for five years, but all of the time before that, I soaked it up.
I needed to see the normalcy of their lives.
They were just like anybody else, and seeing them helped me to accept how I am and embrace who I am.
So I really need to be visible myself in order to help other people.
Now, I'm not gonna get into my whole coming-out story today,
but I can tell you, I didn't always have the easiest time.
Depression and anxiety are rampant among people who are in the LGBTQ community,
and I was no exception.
Luckily, I don't feel like that anymore - I haven't
for years now - but it is a serious problem.
But if I can make just one of you - just a single one of you - feel less alone,
even if I lose all of my subscribers, I do not care. I could not care less.
If I just have one subscriber left who I have helped to with this video,
then it will all be worth it. It will entirely be worth it.
I've gotten so much from other people that really now is the time that I should start giving back.
I know that somewhere in the world, there's someone who's just like me,
who doesn't have the ability to do what I'm doing now.
They don't have the ability to be open and honest about who they are, and therefore,
because of the freedom that I have, I have this responsibility and this opportunity to
connect to those people and to - to play a part in making them feel just a little bit more okay.
I also feel like not saying anything, oftentimes,
is equal to lying, and I really don't want to lie to you guys.
I'm having fun having conversations and interacting with you, and I want to be real.
I do like editing videos, but I don't want to have
to make an effort to edit out this part of myself -
this queerness of my mannerisms and the way that I look.
This queerness is not everything to me, but it is something. It's a piece of it.
It's a part of me, and you can't see the entire picture of me without that piece.
I actually do have minimalism to thank for some of this, because it enabled me to
get rid of all of the distractions, and I no longer had anything that I could hide behind.
I no longer had a way that I could ignore this "gray area" within myself - I had to address it -
and I came to realize that I am not "normal." I am not the societal standard.
I cannot be "normal," there's no way. I've never been that way.
I was born THIS way, and since I can't fit into society's supposed "mold" for me,
I might as well be open to other possibilities,
other ways of living, and keep an open mind about other people's ideas.
Honestly, I kind of feel like this is a phenomenon that people don't talk about,
and I like to call it "queer privilege."
I don't have the choice to be normal - my only
choice is to accept myself and learn to love myself,
and when I do that, I'm accepting oddness and differentness.
And I learned to love myself unconditionally,
which then helped me to keep an open mind and love other people unconditionally.
So where do we go from here? What are the next steps in this post-realization?
I personally am interested in becoming more in-tune
with what's going on with the queer community,
so if you yourself are queer YouTuber or creator of any kind,
and you're interested in doing a project, let me know.
Maybe we'll figure something out.
I also personally just need to educate myself
more. I really am ignorant in a lot of the history of my own culture,
because it's not something that they teach you in school, and it's not something that you can feel
safe to explore and learn about when you are still in the closet,
because there's this fear of being "found out."
Y'all have been super lovely and encouraging to me along this whole
video-making journey, and I really appreciate it.
And if you have anything that you think that I should read or learn about,
even if it's not related to this topic, let me know -
I really do want to learn more. I'm thirsty for knowledge. I am full of fervent curiosity, seriously.
I would also like to say that you are normal -
you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are not just good enough - you are good.
You may have to work harder than other people, but you will be stronger for it.
You will get through it, and you will be that much stronger - believe me.
Please believe me - it is entirely worth it. There are people out there for you.
I am here for you.
As long as you aim for goodness and taking care of yourself,
and aim to take care of other people, you are worthy.
You deserve happiness and friendships and a good life.
I am here with you - we are on the same timeline together - you are not alone.
And it's it's nice to know that I'm not either.
'til next time!
[click!]
[♫ All Apologies - Nirvana ♫]