Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. You made it.
Thank you for watching at home.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Guys, I want to wish everyone a Happy Fallon-tine's Day.
[ Cheers and applause ] That's what it is.
Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.
You can tell it's Valentine's Day
because CVS just put out all their Easter candy.
Yeah, that's...
Of course, a lot of people celebrated tonight
with a romantic dinner.
And for everyone who tried making a reservation
on OpenTable today, it just says,
"Everything is booked. Call Uber Eats."
That's interesting.
Well, this is going viral.
A restaurant in Belgium has come up with a unique way
of serving customers their pasta on this day.
Take a look at this.
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
After watching that, Stanley Tucci
locked himself in a closet and cried.
[ Laughter ]
I don't want to brag, but when I'm out with my wife,
we like to order the whole bottle of pasta.
[ Laughter ]
No big deal.
Get this. I ready that 52% of Americans
plan to celebrate Valentine's Day today
and spend an average of $192.
You know, they release this kind of data every Valentine's Day.
It's very interesting here. Take a look at some other stats.
When it comes to dates, 20% of couples go to a nice restaurant,
20% go to the movies,
while 60% go in the backyard
and shoot down UFOs together.
It's a thing that people are doing.
"Right there, honey!"
[ Applause ]
-Whoo!
-Up next, when it comes to boxes of assorted chocolates,
10% are caramel, 10% are coconut,
and for some reason, the other 80% are "orange créme."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Another one. Another one."
And finally, when it comes to single people
on Valentine's Day, 30% treat themselves to a nice meal,
30% spend time with their friends...
A lot of interesting data. [ Applause ]
Don't worry. Valentine's Day is almost over.
I saw that this Valentine's Day
Walmart was selling a Teddy bear
that you could give to someone to break up with them.
-Ugh. -This is real. Here it is.
This is a real -- Look at this.
-Ugh!
-T-shirt says "Bye bye!" on it.
There's also another one you can get, wearing a shirt
that says "Get your own Netflix account."
-Oh, my... -That's very interesting.
Meanwhile, today in Washington, First Lady Jill Biden
installed a massive Valentine to the country
on the North Lawn of the White House.
Check -- Look at this thing. Yeah.
Joe actually played with the dog for almost an hour
before realizing it was cardboard.
[ Laughter ]
"Stay, Commander!"
[ Steve growls ]
"Good boy."
[ Steve growls, barks ]
Some political news.
Today former Trump cabinet member Nikki Haley
announced that she is running for president.
Yep, she served in Trump's cabinet,
which is listed on her website in very, very small font.
Yep, Haley was Trump's ambassador to the U.N.
She's the one who taught him that it's not pronounced "oon."
[ Laughter ]
Some business news.
For the first time, Amazon's self-driving car
transported passengers on public roads.
The car drove perfectly, then they were thrown
on to their front porch like a cheap set of luggage.
Whip!
Unfortunately, after the Amazon car
dropped one guy off at his doorstep,
someone ran up and stole him.
-Oh. -Terrible. Terrible story.
Speaking of cars, I heard that Hyundai and Kia
just rolled out a new software fix
that makes their cars harder to steal.
Yeah, anti-stealing software is just a huge sign that says,
"This is a Kia."
[ Laughter ]
And finally, in Las Vegas,
someone stole the catalytic converter...
[ Laughter ]
...out of the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
[ Laughter ]
Right now, Oscar Mayer doesn't know whether
to call a mechanic, a butcher, or a urologist.