uh okay well uh we're in for something now folks my next guest is making his network television
debut tonight and we believe it's long overdue he is one of the strangest and most original
comedians working today brace yourselves i'm not kidding please welcome sam kinison
there's still time to call the church and call all this off
i know a lot of you come here you watch tv you wait every night
for somebody to come on here and give you an answer for your lives waiting
for someone that'll come and say hey this is it i don't have to settle for defeat anymore
i can rise up out of my routine i can get a hold of myself i don't have to lose i can win
there's some dead inside me that's not gonna let me go down anymore but i'm not the guy
no i don't have any answers for you but i can tell you about one thing
oh yeah yeah you think you're safe huh you people here you think you're safe do you think you're
safe what's your name lou blue you have been married you do me a favor if you ever think you
want to get married if you ever think you've met the right woman you want to settle down you want
to get a house you want to get a car maybe raise a family do your favor will you remember this face
says it's the face of hell lou
it'll be your face every day have you ever married are you married what's your name
bill tom show him the face shawn
i'm trying to help here i'm trying to do a good thing
i was married for two years my life was so boring i actually worried about my yard
the rest of my friends had goals careers visions they
we're doing things with their lives i was out there looking for crab grass
weeds and stuff going i have a responsibility to the neighborhood there is a weed here
and that doesn't happen to have kids have you seen those guys those guys in the malls with
the strollers have you seen them with that look on their face like they envy the dead
i buy it every time though i swear i do i buy it every time i love women
i can't help but i buy it every time love comes to me goes come on
yes this is love yeah come on trust it i don't know you've been in love before this is love
i wouldn't lie to you eight times in a row come
on come on open the door let's see what we have for you again
i keep going for that same kind of love too man that van gogh kind of love you
know we walk in you go hey you heard me so much i don't even know what pain is
i know half american right now is going what are we watching what kind of comedy is this is this
the man that was prophesied to come out of the scene control the cities no no not him i'm just
a comic with some weird fashion choices but uh a lot of you don't trust that that's up to you
read your bibles your new testaments your torahs your course whatever you think will protect you
you're not safe but i'm trying to help and do the best i can folks i swear i do i do the best i can
like this world hunger thing i'm really involved with it i'm just like you i see
the same commercials those little kids out there you know hungry i watch this on tv and i'm home
i'm going gone you know how sad how cool because i know the film crew could give this kid a sandwich
come on you know there's a director five feet away going don't feed him yet
that's what i see if i'm talking to get that sandwich out of here
okay [ __ ] back in the mud hole all right we're losing daylight we are losing daylight
it's true but i'm not trying to make fun of world hunger if you want to do something about world
hunger uh i think i have an answer i think that a lot of people are adopting this attitude you want
to do something about world hunger stop sending them food i mean that's network television i'll
be the first look right here zoom in stop sending them food all right don't send them
any more food you want to help these people send them u-hauls send them boxes you know some luggage
send them a guy that goes hey you know we just drove 750 miles across the desert with your food
and it occurred to us that there wouldn't be world hunger if you people would live where the food is
you live in a desert you understand that you live in a castle
ah
shoot me
uh my next guest for 16 years
okay folks have a good weekend saul please come back next week nice to meet you sir
and my thanks to mary lou henner and of course sam kinnison
monday pat mccormick will be here howard jones and maybe
tony randall i don't know thank you very much