I'm having a little bit of an aha moment right now
because I realized in that moment
when things
weren't exactly as we think
they're supposed to be in society,
there's a tendency to run away from it
or to find the fault within.
And I feel like what you and I are sort of promoting
is hook into that family and choose to be together,
choose to stay together.
I just want to say can we go back and say preach, Drew.
When you said "hook in",
that is the mantra
that everyone needs to take away right now.
(audience applauding)
Please welcome Karamo Brown.
(audience cheering) (upbeat music)
I don't know where this music is taking us but-
I know, we're dancing with it.
Karamo,
I'm so happy to be with you.
I've missed you,
I've been thinking about us and our whole revelation
and saying that both of us latched onto like little magnets.
Yes, we did, it was magical.
I love when those things happen where you say something
and we both feel the power within the statement
and how it could help not only ourselves, but others.
It was a good moment.
Sometimes metaphors feels like floating balloons to me,
and hooking in feels the exact opposite.
Yeah, agreed.
'Cause sometimes you have these statements
or these mantras that it's like,
okay, I don't know how to tangibly
make that work for my life.
And this one, it's like, oh.
First of all, like you just said,
the act of hooking into something,
you know that you're grabbing it, you're attaining it.
But then also you understand how that could work mentally
as much as it works physically.
So it is a very powerful mantra.
I think it gives me an anchor metaphor of groundingness,
but it also makes me feel like
I'm gonna have to do the work at the same time.
And that work is so key because with any mantra,
anything you're using for your life,
if you're not putting the work in with it
then you're not able to hook into
what you're really going after.
And that's why this term "hooking in"
I think is gonna be so powerful.
This is the 2021 theme, this is what it is.
Everyone listen.
Hook in.
Because you deserve life, you deserve all these things,
and this is step one.
All right, let's get into it, Karamo.
I'm so excited.
Let's take a look at Jacqueline, roll the tape please.
Hi Drew, hi Karamo.
My name's Jacqueline and I'm a single mom.
I've been in a committed relationship for several years now.
And up until this point,
my partner and I have always lived separately.
So it's been several years now,
and ultimately,
my partner and I have decided to move in together.
We talked about it as a couple
and then we discussed it with my son
and everybody's excited and onboard.
So that will be happening in the next few months.
However, there's a few issues that I'm concerned about.
One of which is that I have a teenage boy,
which I know every parent of a teenager understands.
It comes with its own huge set of challenges
that I feel like I'm navigating through everyday.
One of the things I'm concerned about
is that my partner is very kind and very passive.
Truly love his energy when he comes to our house.
But he has, up until this point,
really just been more of a friend to my son
and I really am going to need him
to step up into more of that fatherly role
or disciplinary role
and having my back so that we are
more of a unified front together
to create some healthy boundaries for my son.
So Karamo and Drew,
I would really appreciate your help
in navigating this new family dynamic
and showing me anyways that we could really hook him.
(audience applauding)
Jacqueline, please come on the show.
Hello!
Hi guys!
How are you today? Hi, Jacqueline.
Hi.
I have some questions right out of the gate,
if I may ask.
What are your biggest concerns
about bringing John and Tristan into the same house?
Up until now,
John has always been just this great friend to Tristan
and that's kind of been his role.
I would like for that role to develop a little bit
into more of
a co-parent and maybe even authority figure.
Something where John has a little bit more
ownership of the co-parenting.
Jacqueline, first of all,
I want to let you know I understand
exactly what you're going through.
I have teenage, I had teenage boys,
they're now in their 20s,
but when I was introducing them to my partner
and moving my partner in,
it was one of these things of like, okay,
what is about to go on here,
how are we gonna make this a family unit,
what are we gonna do?
And I think,
thinking about this theme of hooking in,
the first thing I want you to ask yourself
is do you believe John can hook into the idea
that he is enough
and can you hook into the idea that he's enough?
Short answer is yes.
I think that maybe I need to give him that permission.
You're the person that has to give that permission.
Once you give that permission,
the three of you have to sit down
and establish clear boundaries,
and I'm talking about you got to get specific.
Is John gonna be giving money?
Is John gonna be able to set curfews?
Is John gonna be the one to say when to get in the shower,
when to get up for school?
Is John gonna be able to say "you can go to the park"?
What permission and boundaries does John has?
But also, don't put it all on John.
You have to now look at your son and say,
"Son, with you and the boundaries,"
what permission does he have of what to say to John?
How should he be referring to John in this new step?
How should he interacting with you
so when John's talking to you,
before your son only had mom.
So he could run up to mom and get mom's attention.
There's now another adult here.
So how does he need to learn in that moment of like
mom and, mom and partner,
not to put you, rush you,
but mom and partner are speaking.
You need to now understand how to approach this.
There's a lot about giving permission and clear boundaries
that has to happen here
so that you could have the successful relationship you want.
(upbeat music)