- Are you showering perfectly?
- Let's talk about that.
(groovy electronic music)
- Good Mythical Morning.
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- Now Rhett, it's my humble opinion
that there's a wrong way to do something
and there's a right way to do something
but even more importantly,
I believe that there is always a better way
to do something.
- I'm family with your position on this.
- So today are you and you ready to receive the blessing?
Good because I've prepared a presentation
that is going to revolutionize and streamline
one of the most important things that you do
every single day.
Disrobe and grab the soap because I'm about
to reveal to you A Better Way To Shower.
Now for most people takin' a shower is simple:
you strip down, you soap up, you rinse off
and you get dry, sounds like the right way, right?
- Very straightforward, yes.
- Mm, well just because it's the right way
doesn't mean it is the best way.
(thunder crashes)
Okay, that was lightning.
- Was that really necessary?
- Well that was for dramatic effect
and it also symbolizes the great rains
our ancestors harnessed in order to shower.
Easel!
- Oh, you're gonna use the easel to, oh--
- Yeah buddy. - And you have a pointer.
- Look at me, I got a pointer!
All right, there are three stages.
- Your pointer has a brush on the end of it.
- That's right. - Let me say,
that's potentially more annoying than my pointer.
- That's good, that's good.
All right I'm helpin' you out.
Three stages to taking a shower:
prep, wash, and dry.
The first step of prep is collecting all the hair
from your drain to optimize drain flow.
Hold out your hand.
I collected this this morning.
Now it may seem gross but you know what, you're about
to take a shower. - It may seem gross?
- You're about to take a shower.
- This is house guests as well, I mean,
there's nobody in your family--
- That's Christy, that's me-- - You have a red-headed uncle?
- [Link] That's Lily,
Lincoln, Lando. - That uses your bath?
- I got a curly-headed red-headed Irishman
who just uses my shower and he pulls his hair really hard.
- Is that beard or pubes, that's my question.
- It's best not to ask any questions.
- It got on my face.
- So what are you gonna do with that?
- Well I'm gonna quit holding it soon.
I'm gonna toss it in the trash--
- No no, do not.
What you need to do is you need to take that,
put it out on your hair dryer,
it's that rack on your back deck.
We're gonna come back to that at the end,
so just pretend that you're putting that to dry
on your back deck like I do.
Right there, we're comin' back to that.
Next you're gonna want to start the water
and you're gonna crank it all the way up the hottest
so that it gets hot the fastest and while you're waiting,
you're gonna wanna drape your drying towel outside
of the shower but in a location reachable
from inside of the shower.
- I respect that. - You get that?
And by the way, if you realize at any point
while you're showering that you forgot
to pre-drape your towel, you need to stop what you're doing,
exit the shower and get that towel.
It does not matter how cold you get
or how wet the floor gets even though those are two keys
to a perfect shower.
All bets are off if there's no happy ending, right?
You do not wanna end your shower session
shimmying naked and freezing on the bath mat
across the room to fetch a towel.
(crew laughing)
A wise man once said the moment of nakedness
should always be minimized.
- Well he was moving pretty slowly.
- So as the water is approaching its optimal hotness,
that's when you know that it's time.
- Time for what? - Time to get naked.
(suspenseful music)
And time for a new chart.
- Oh, come on.
(crew laughing)
- Now, I, I didn't necessarily have to have
a diagram of nakedness and it didn't have to be you.
They put so much detail right there and it is accurate
in every way I think.
- Yeah yeah, smooth as a baby.
- Look at the detail in the feet in comparison.
- [Rhett] Yeah I'm really lookin' at the feet.
- All right, would you prefer more generic diagrams
as we move forward? - Please, yes.
- Okay.
All right. - Oh.
- So you get the--
- Well we used all our blurring budget
on the previous diagram.
- [Rhett] Well you might wanna blur that anyway.
- That's not accurate, that's just so we didn't have
to blue anything.
All right to get nekkid, remove your pants but hey,
at the same time, loop your thumbs
into your underwear waistband so that you remove your pants
and your underwear at the same time.
- [Rhett] Why are you already
in the shower with your clothes on?
- That's not-- - That's not part of it?
- That's not part of it. - Okay.
Just checking. - I don't know.
And also when you remove your shirt,
you can remove your hat at the same time.
- [Rhett] Okay.
- Never pull your pants down starting from the bottom
of the middle of your pants, otherwise,
you'll end up lying on the floor like a grown-ass man
gettin' his diaper changed.
Now it's time for stage two.
Easel!
(suspenseful music)
Washing.
- You didn't have to-- - Washing.
- Necessarily need two easels for that.
- Washing.
- And this is an actual different easel.
- Yeah.
- They could have just put new cards.
- Okay Rhett, at this point,
the water should be hot.
You need to dial it into the right temperature
and jump in, now if you gotta pee,
this is the time to do that.
- Done.
- Does that make you thirsty?
- [Rhett] Mm-hmm.
(crew chuckling)
- And now we wash.
Washing should happen from the top down, okay?
Now I recommend standing on your feet
and shampooing your hair first
and make sure you don't grab the conditioner first.
If there's someone who has shampoo and conditioner in one,
please stop, I don't believe in that.
I do however believe in Finland.
- Oh, you're wrong about that.
- The best way to keep your shampoo and conditioner straight
is with a simple song.
♪ You put the shampoo-poo on the right ♪
♪ And you'll be-be-be all right ♪
♪ Put the conditioner-ner on the left ♪
♪ And you'll make your head so blessed ♪
♪ Poo-poo on the right ♪
♪ Ner-ner on the left ♪
♪ You'll be all right ♪
♪ Your head'll be blessed yeah ♪
- Well they have labels.
- It's hard to read the labels and they look too similar.
- Okay.
- You can't read in the shower, dude.
Discrimination.
So sing with me.
♪ Put the shampoo-poo on the right ♪
♪ And you'll be-be-be all right ♪
♪ Put the conditioner-ner on the left ♪
♪ And you'll make your head so blessed ♪
♪ Poo-poo on the right ♪
♪ Ner-ner on the left ♪
♪ You'll be all right ♪
♪ Your head'll be blessed yeah ♪
And then you're grabbin' it, you put it on there.
(crew claps) - Really?
- Now let the shampoo rinse down your body.
This is what I call the pre-wash body wash
and then you'll add the conditioner but don't rinse it!
- Right, you leave the conditioner in.
- I know. (slapping Rhett's leg)
I know you do some of this right already.
Proud of you.
- Could you not touch my knee?
- Proud of you. (slapping Rhett's knee)
Proud of you.
Next I wash my face with a dedicated face brush.
Try that out.
Feels good, doesn't it?
It's my dedicated butt brush.
This is my dedicated face brush.
So you just wash that thing around.
Now when you're washing your face, don't close your eyes
for too long because shower monsters.
(woman shrieks) Close your eyes.
You see what I'm talkin' about?
(crew laughing)
I guess you don't 'cause your eyes are closed.
All right you can open your eyes now.
You made it. - What just happened?
- Shower monsters. (woman shrieks)
Next you're gonna wanna suds up your loofah and yes,
you have to use a loofah, do you use one?
- No I don't believe in those.
- So you suds up and then you turn the water off entirely.
No water.
- Okay.
- You don't need it and though you may want it,
not having it will make you much more grateful
when it returns, plus, this maximizes your sudsability,
saves water in the process.
Then you're gonna wanna scrub it all, neck down.
If it hides, expose it.
If it flops, lift it. - Oh God.
- And there's no shame in takin' a knee
to wash the bottom of your feet.
But make sure you get everything.
And then you're gonna wanna re-engage the water
to hotness and commence the glorious rinse.
Of course that's top down.
If it hides, expose it, if it flops, lift it.
- What are you,
what do you have that-- - If it flops--
- That flops that big? - Lift it.
I'm speaking for grandmas here too.
Everybody needs to have the perfect shower.
And please do not rush this rinse moment.
This is the climax of your shower.
(thunder crashing)
And it should be close to the end
if there's the lightning storm.
(both chuckling)
Now you're ready for the third and final stage.
Dry!
Step one, do not grab your towel.
Did you know that you were born with two shower squeegees
on your body? - No.
- They're on the ends of your wrists, Rhett.
Use your hands to squeegee off your body.
Right there, right there, right there.
- Show me what happens with the parts that flop.
- Lift it, squeegee it. - Oh on the,
wow.
- Arms, arms, body, I do this every morning,
and then when I grab my ankles, I shake my head.
- Oh God. - Grab my ankles
and shake my head.
- He's not lying. - Every morning.
- He's not lying. - Of course I'm not lying!
I've figured this out.
All right you might say this is ridiculous.
- Yeah, I would say that.
- Does this look ridiculous to you?
The average American family washes 300 to 390 loads
of laundry per year.
That translates into $600 U.S. per year of cost
associated with that, now, the American Cleaning Institute
recommends using one towel three or four times
before washing it.
I say every person can just round that up to a week, okay?
But remember, you have squeegees on the ends of your wrists
and using those squeegees, you can reduce the amount
of water that goes into your towel by 50%,
thereby doubling how often you can use a towel
to stretch one towel to last for two weeks,
so that means, assuming that you're doing towels
as their own loads, that's 52 loads a year reduced
to 26 loads per year.
So a savings of 26 loads of laundry at 30 gallons used
at $1.50 cost per load, you're saving a lot of water,
plus $39 a year.
And if you stretch that out over the average lifespan
of 72 years, you could be a millionaire.
(woman shrieks)
A millionaire. - I mean,
39 times 72, I think that's less than $3000 actually.
- Less than $3000 closer to being a millionaire.
- Okay. - Remove these.
(suspenseful music)
(Link sighs)
- Now you wanna grab your perfectly pre-placed towel
while letting little to no steam escape from your shower
and you wanna dry it all, again, top down.
If it hides, expose it.
If it flops, lift it, and while you're drying,
this is when I take the opportunity
to encourage myself out loud.
I am the shower king.
I am a sweet peach who knows his worth.
I like me.
And then you've done it, you've showered well
and you may exit.
This is where the rest of your life begins.
Now you might wanna say that out loud as well.
Rhett, you can say it with me.
- [Both] This is where the rest of my life begins.
- You can have you butt brush back.
- Oh thank you.
Oh and remember that hair that we collected from the drain?
You can turn that into any number of crafts.
I've made for you this cool hair hat.
Which I call hat hair.
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