Brainy Dose Presents:
12 Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Don’t Use
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others.
It's also the ability to use that knowledge to your advantage in social situations.
Emotionally intelligent people are aware that communication is a two-way street, and that
their words have an impact on those around them.
So, they pay close attention to what they say and they tend to avoid certain phrases.
It's not that these phrases are inherently bad; it's just that they often have the opposite
effect of what is intended.
Check out the following and see if any of these sound all too familiar!
Number 1 - I don’t care
When someone says this, they quite literally mean that they don't give a damn about your
thoughts and feelings.
They're not going to listen to what you have to say or even try to understand why you feel
the way you do.
This can be hurtful and insulting and it can make you feel small and unimportant.
Emotionally intelligent people are actually very sensitive to others' feelings, which
is why they strive to be as thoughtful and considerate as possible.
They’re careful not to say such things because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
They know that everyone has a right to his or her own opinion, and they respect that
right even when they disagree with it!
Number 2 - You have no choice
This phrase is emotionally manipulative, and it makes you feel like your choices are restricted;
like you are trapped by a circumstance or situation.
It's a way of saying that there's no other option but this one.
And while it's true that we don't always have a choice in all matters, it's also true that
we always have a choice in how we respond to the things that happen to us.
It may not feel like it at first, but there are always options.
And being emotionally intelligent means being able to look for them.
Number 3 - I don't want to fight, but…
Saying this phrase is basically an invitation for a fight.
It's like saying, "I know what I'm about to say is going to piss you off, but here it
goes anyway."
When someone says this, they're trying to resolve something in a way that will end with
them being right and you being wrong.
They might even be trying to make you feel guilty or angry, so they can prove their point.
It's also a way of avoiding responsibility for their own feelings and actions by putting
you on the defensive.
Emotionally intelligent people know that arguing is a waste of time and energy both for them
and the other person involved.
Rather than argue about how one person might be right or wrong, it's better to work together
to find a solution that makes everyone happy.
Number 4 - That’s your problem, not mine
This phrase is a common one in our culture, but emotionally intelligent people know that
it’s just a way of shirking responsibility and blame.
When someone is upset or struggling, they don’t need to be told that their situation
is theirs to deal with and that no one else can help them.
They need to be shown that someone cares about them and has their back.
So instead of being insensitive and dismissive, emotionally intelligent people offer their
help, even if it's just listening to you venting.
Number 5 - I know exactly how you feel
When someone says this to you, what they're really saying is, "I have experience with
this exact situation, so I understand how you're feeling."
But here's the thing: we all have our own unique set of experiences, and the way we
feel in response to those experiences is going to be different from person to person.
One can guess and empathize, but they'll never know for sure.
Emotionally intelligent people don't like to assume they know what you're feeling.
If you need an empathetic ear, they will listen and validate your feelings, but they won’t
try to claim that they understand exactly what you're going through.
Number 6 - Everyone else is doing it
While it's true that a lot of people use this phrase to justify their actions, emotionally
intelligent people know that it's not a good reason to do something.
Whatever it is, there’s a pretty good chance that not everyone else is doing it…
And even if they are, that doesn't mean you should too.
You have to make your own decisions based on your own values and beliefs, and most importantly,
by doing your own research, not just following along with what other people are doing.
Number 7 - I told you so
This phrase is often used as a way to gloat about something.
It's not about helping you learn from your mistakes; it's about making you feel bad for
making those mistakes in the first place.
Emotionally intelligent people know that everyone makes mistakes, and they want to be supportive
of others and not bring them down by reminding them of their shortcomings.
Also, they can empathize with the other person and imagine how they would feel if they were
in that situation.
They know you’ve already realized that you messed up, so there's no need to rub it in
your face.
Number 8 - "It's not hard"
Whoever says this phrase, is implying that they have no trouble doing something and therefore,
it must be easy.
They're actually minimizing the effort of others and making it seem like they are more
capable than everyone else.
Emotionally intelligent people know that what is easy for one person may not be so easy
for another.
So, instead of focusing on the difficulty level of a task or project, or really, just
about anything, they focus on the outcome and how it will actually benefit you.
Number 9 - Whatever you want
People who use this phrase are often hoping that someone else will make the decision for
them, so they don’t have to.
They may be afraid of making the wrong choice or feeling guilty about what they want.
This phrase can also imply that everyone is interchangeable and that any choice will be
equally good for everyone involved.
Emotionally intelligent people know that this is not true.
Everyone has different tastes and preferences and may not enjoy the same things that others
do.
For this reason, they're more assertive in their communication in order to help make
the best decision possible.
Number 10 - Someone has to tell you…
Saying this phrase really is just an attempt for someone to try and make you feel bad for
making choices that are different from theirs.
They also don't understand that there are many factors involved in how we make decisions,
from our past experiences to our current momentary moods, and so they believe that if someone
chooses differently, it's because they're stupid or wrong.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that everyone has their own experiences and
can come to their own conclusions about what is best for them.
They don't feel the need to force their opinion on others or make them feel bad for making
a different choice.
Number 11 - You're overreacting
This is a common response to someone who is having a strong emotional reaction.
It's often used to dismiss the feelings of others; to suggest that the way they feel
isn't valid.
But emotionally intelligent people know that emotions are important and that there are
many reasons why our feelings can be intense.
They understand that when someone is feeling strong emotions, it's not necessarily because
they don't see things clearly or because they're being irrational; maybe they just need to
be heard and felt understood.
Even if you seem to be overreacting to an event or situation, emotionally intelligent
people will take the time to find out why you're reacting so strongly instead of dismissing
your feelings entirely.
Number 12 - It is what it is
When someone says this, they're essentially saying that there's nothing that can be done
to change the situation.
They're admitting defeat, perhaps before they even try.
It's not that emotionally intelligent people don't want to accept reality, but it's a phrase
that isn’t helpful at all.
Yes, things do happen, and sometimes there's no changing them; however, saying "it is what
it is" shuts down any possibility for improvement.
Emotionally intelligent people know that even when things are difficult or seemingly hopeless,
usually there are still solutions.
You just have to look for them.
Of course, we all have our moments.
We get frustrated, feel like giving up sometimes, and it's not always easy to keep our cool
when things get tough.
But if you want to be a better leader, employee, friend, or partner, if you want to be known
for your emotional intelligence, then it's time to drop these phrases from your vocabulary!
After all, they don't help anyone; not the person saying them, not the person hearing
them.
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