Hello. Welcome back.
My body language buddies! my name is Jesús Enrique Rosas, I'm the body language guy,
and I had to make this video since a long time ago
since the Johnny Depp versus Amber Heard trial,
there was this line of Johnny saying that he had to hide in the bathroom
because Amber was on the other side telling him to go out
because they were having an argument and he was avoiding the situation.
He was avoiding having an argument with her
and he was avoiding the solution in some way.
And this is a manipulation tactic that I wanted to
delve deeper on and and tell you
how can you avoid the same situation for yourself?
How to fight back.
That kind of situations is when someone tries to guilt trip you into
keeping an argument over and over again for even for many hours
to drain your energy so you feel exhausted in the end.
So first, let's see how this works, how this starts.
It's that set up
that starts with the manipulator, turns any accusations against you.
This is something very usually a common tactic.
At first when you are going to accuse them of something, maybe of cheating
or maybe of something that happened that hurts you.
And in some way, you want to make it clear that you did not like what happened.
Well, the first tactic that they are going to use is that they
whatever you tell them that they're guilty of or they're responsible off,
they're going to turn it back to you that you're the one responsible
because they cheated, because it's your fault.
It's something they're going to do.
Any and any kind of acrobatics to make it clear that you were the one
responsible for this.
And it will be baffling for you,
because if you're an impasse for most, probably you will consider
all those points as not valid.
Now you will think about saying, Well, maybe I was guilty of this
and responsible of that.
And you begin you will begin doubting your own perception
of what's going on, that you were going to you were going to tell the manipulator
that day.
Well, they went too far with this, but well, what happens next?
They escalate to the point of verbal, psychological or even physical abuse.
After all, they are the victim.
So once you begin to lightly
consider that you were responsible in some way of whatever they did,
I think that doesn't make sense because it's not like
you controlled them, like a puppeteer or something.
Then that moment they will explode or they begin exploding gradually.
But most probably it will be an outburst,
a verbal outburst or psychological telling you names
or telling you all these past faults, maybe
nitpicking something from the past that was never talked about.
Maybe they will mention that you
talk to a person.
Okay, of the opposite sex in a way that they did not like
and they'd never say that about it at the moment or ever.
And all of a sudden it all pops up
and all of a sudden you begin,
you feel attacked of whatever it is,
whatever the manipulator tries to reframe the situation into you
feeling guilty and will can't even get to a physical abuse.
They can begin maybe slamming doors or maybe threatening you
or maybe even hitting you.
So you must be very careful with this.
This is not going to make sense because.
But that is exactly what the manipulator wants, because right after that,
if you tried to withdraw from the argument because you notice
that it is escalating in a way that can literally hurt you physically,
they label you as cower and not cooperating.
That is sort of guilt.
Tripping you is a wave of manipulation and reframe the situation.
Even if you lock yourself in the bathroom, just like Johnny did,
then they're going to yell at you and say and say that you are not cooperating.
You are the one that Dawson said doesn't want to save the marriage.
You're the one who has problems.
You are the one who should go to therapy.
You're the one that is conflicted, that you're
the one to, well, all sorts of label, maybe, you know, there's much
more much better than I hope note I have not because this is a very
difficult and
uncomfortable situation that can
harm you for life because it this psychological
this constant psychological attacks take a dent in your self perception.
There's all deniable that is going on.
There's going to have. Yeah.
A dent.
Now, how can you fight this back?
It's important to understand that you need to confirm
that there is no rational way out of the argument.
Okay. You have to confirm that.
You notice that regardless of your logic
or regardless of the facts or regardless of your words
that are that you know, that that just work, that just makes sense.
Well, there's no way out of it.
The manipulator always finds a way to go more baffling or blame you for something,
or just turn the conversation away from what you are right about.
Maybe you are right about something.
They will turn the conversation away from it to another
flow of you aren't related to the moment.
Okay, so do you feel guilty and bad in any way?
So if there is no rational way out of the argument,
if it's only an emotional attack, a constant emotional attacks,
and always deflecting the main topic
or the main subject of what you race in the first place,
then we go on we go on to the next point that is confirm
that respect has been lost to the point you being in danger.
Okay, this is important
because if you can have an argument with your significant other.
Okay, that's okay.
We always have arguments with our partners.
That's that's something that sometimes it's not uncommon,
but it's something that's going to happen at some point or another.
But it's important.
It's always and and the framework of respect, okay.
That you don't do don't lose the respect for one another.
And when you notice that you're you're not being respected,
we you notice that you're being attacked as a as a person,
intrinsically as just a person, that that is a problem.
That is a very big issue because you realize
that this is not about solving the issue and arguments should be about solving
an issue and arguments should not be about attacking the other person.
And if you feel attacked and you feel that there's
no more respect and there's no respect in that argument
that you realize this is it, this is you being in danger.
The other person, the manipulator, Dawson, want to solve things.
They just want to attack you personally so you feel bad and you forget.
What are you saying that the first place where you accusing them off
in the first place, that is their tactic.
So at this point, keeping the argument with only drains your energy
and that's what they is exactly what they want.
They play the big team.
You are the one who is hurt in the relationship.
You are the one who is doing this and this.
That's why your family doesn't want you.
And if, for example, the argument that your family doesn't want you
something that issue exploring other video because they make sure to
separate you from your friends and family and somehow blame you for it,
that if you got separated from your friends and family
is because you did something to them or you act in some way and pick
every single weakness that you have
and weakness that you perceive about yourself to reframe it
as you're the one putting everyone away
like getting everyone away.
So with throw in is the only option.
That's why in that case, Johnny hid in the bathroom.
But that was only a temporary solution.
And this is
irrelevant because
this temporary solutions only will lead to your willpower drains out.
And if you willpower drains out, they win.
What do I mean? When I say that they win?
This means that you are going to just relent
to whatever they said, to whatever they said about June
the at the end it's that your main topic your argument
what you said about your accusation about them
like you cheated or something that will ro invalid,
that will be invalid, whatever you said,
your stance is going to be invalid and whatever is going to be achieved
is like just a middle ground, just like splitting the difference,
like in saying negotiation, finding a middle ground
between their accusations and your accusations.
And that is that is absurd because we already confirmed in point one
that there's no rational way out of this argument.
Their words are sentences. They're
their ideas.
So whatever how they attack you are not rational.
They're attacking you emotionally and you're feeling bad for it.
And you realize and you begin to question yourself.
Am I really dee dee dee bad guy here?
Am I the bad one here?
And that will be if you lose all your willpower.
If your willpower drains out,
you will say, I just want to rest to take a break from this argument.
And that's it for today, because you will be so spent
after hours of that, you will say, well, maybe you are right.
Okay, it's like those interrogation techniques
that are based on structured
confession from the person no matter what.
And that's why you deprive them from sleep.
You deprive them from food, from water,
until they just break down and make a make out a false confession.
This is same principle that's why the manipulators do,
and they can do it more effectively because they know your weaknesses
and they know your flaws and they use them against you.
And that is something
that you never realized they could do, because most probably at first
they gained your trust by love, bombing you at the start of the relationship
at just just a word of warning, this can happen in any setting.
This can happen in a family setting or a social media setting to
that is much worse when it's your partner that does it because they have spent
months or even
years gaining your trust and all of a sudden they begin using that against you
just to control you, because they enjoy that control.
They enjoy that power.
But they they knew that they had to gain your trust, earn your trust first.
So this is how it works.
Going to that original example, we got this.
Remember when Johnny said that he hid in the bathroom?
Now you know why he did that?
He wanted to withdraw from the argument he wanted to and that he wanted to
not not nonstate not
keeping that fight because he knew that Amber
was getting physical every time and he wanted to avoid that.
Okay.
And that's something that you want to avoid.
The problem is that you might think
that you can win those arguments or you can cure the person
or you can get the manipulator back to that state where you were happy.
And if you see that there's no rational way out,
if you see that the respect has been lost, then withdraw.
Withdrawing is the only solution left and of course
cutting court in the relationship with the manipulator.
Of course, this is going to be much more difficult if you're a kids.
That will be the topic of another video.
But for starters, this is a manipulation tactic.
The manipulation tactic is a side labeled you as coward.
And not cooperating is you try to just court the arguments
that don't make sense and even attack you when you know that you did nothing wrong
and you were right and somehow you're doubting yourself
more and more every single time.
My body language body is this quick body is here
to give you tips on manipulation and narcissist and, well,
all these tools to defend yourself against toxic behaviors.
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Take care.