Ninh explains, The Worst Fan Giveaways in Sports.
Ah sports teams – they’ll do anything to try and entice you into their stadiums,
and that includes giving away free stuff. Now, I like stuff, especially if it’s free.
But some teams really shouldn’t bother because they don’t get the concept of trying to
make people actually come back to the stadium to watch more games.
These are some of the worst fan giveaways you’ll ever see.
Zim-bear – Tampa Bay Rays. Imagine a teddy bear that had sexual relations
with Don Zimmer, the stony faced manager of the Tampa Bay Rays – and you get this, the
ZimBear. This creepy monstrosity was an actual giveaway in 2012, and you’d think that no-one
would actually take one of these things home because of the … you know … weirdness
and all. But people actually liked the damn thing and it was so successful, they repeated
the same promotion a month later. Those people in Tampa must really hate the crappy play
on the field if they came back TWICE just for a creepy little teddy bear.
School folders, Toledo MudHens Minor league baseball is jam packed full of
stupid giveaways. And the Mudhens are no exception. I have no idea why they decided to give away
paper-based school folders. But you don’t get just one school folder, no no no, you
get three – which demonstrates the sheer generosity (or stupidity) of the Mud Hens
marketing department. Seriously guys, why?
Circular Seat Cushions, Toronto FC To celebrate the inaugural game of Toronto’s
brand-new MLS team, each fan in attendance was given a commemorative seat cushion. ‘That’s
a pretty good gift’, I hear you say. But, when Danny Dichio scores their first ever
goal – those seat cushions became oversized frisbees that littered the entire field. And
it took forever for the ground staff to clear them out of the way. Funnily enough, Toronto
FC has never given away seat cushions ever again.
Similar incidences have happened to Florida Panthers with plastic rats, and hockey hard
hats from the Chicago Blackhawks. Good ideas in theory, but …
Wise men bobble heads – Nashville sounds Bobble heads are a common giveaway and if
it’s of a cool player, it’s actually kinda collectable. But I think the promotional team
at the Nashville Sounds have been smoking the ganja, because they decided to make bobbleheads
of the three wise men – even though nobody knows what they actually look like – if
they even existed at all. And to make matters worse, they gave them away … in July. 5
months before Christmas.
Toiletry bags – Chicago Cubs. The Cubs really hit a low point in 2013 where
their game night promotion was giving away toiletry bags. Not those fancy ones that you
buy in a shop of course, the ones that you typically find at any international airport.
That they give away. For free. To every passenger that walks through it’s terminals. Well,
at least you won the world series recently, so you can use that to make people forget
about your terrible promotions - I guess.
Mike Trout Fish Hat – LA Angels. Mike Trout has an interesting last name … I
know, let’s cash in on it? Yes, the Angels marketing department gave away hats in the
shape of trouts and I don’t know who in their right mind wore this outside of the
stadium, but you can still find them on eBay from time to time. Unfortunately, none of
these sellers ship to England. Which is a shame, because I was planning on wearing this
at my upcoming wedding.
10 cent beer night. Cleveland Indians. 10c for a beer, that’s fantastic! And you
could buy 6 at a time?! What’s the worst that could happen? Apart from fans getting
so drunk off cheap beer that they fought each other, vomited everywhere, ran onto the field,
stole the bases and rioted to the point where the game was eventually abandoned, you mean?
In hindsight, it was a complete disaster, but hey at least the beer was cheap.
A bag of shit – Seattle Mariners. In 2011 – the Mariners were on some kind
of green phase and their most notable contribution to saving the environment? Giving away bags
of soil for the first 5,000 fans to enter Safeco Field. Yay, compost, that’ll make
a great valentine’s day gift. Nothing says I love you more than a literal bag of crap
that you got from a ballpark.
Bubble Wrap – Altoona Curve The undisputed kings of giving away garbage
gifts is the Altoona Curve Baseball team. In fact, they actually do it on purpose. Some
of their ‘wonderful’ giveaways include useless squares of bubble wrap – which wasn’t
big enough to protect anything you send in the mail. And photographs of removed gallbladders.
You know, just because every baseball fan needs to see what a removed gall bladder looks
like. How much do I not want to go to an Altoona Curve game, right about now?
Urine Cups – Vero Beach Devil Rays. As part of an anti-doping promotion in 2008,
the Vero Beach Devil Rays gave away 200 pee cups to the first 200 fans in attendance.
I’m not actually sure what the fans did with those cups and I don’t know what’s
actually worse. Giving away the urine cups in the first place, implying that those first
200 fans are on steroids like McGwire, or only being able to afford just 200 cups.
A funeral – Lehigh Valley IronPigs. In 2013, the IronPigs were having a ‘celebrate
life’ promotion … and they commemorated this by giving away a bloody funeral. Yes,
one lucky fan walked away from the ballpark with an all expenses paid trip to a hole in
the ground or really hot oven of their choice. It sounds kinda kooky, but I’d still take
that over a bag of soil and a Mike Trout Fish hat any day of the week.
Have you been to a sports event and received a really crap gift? Was it worse than any
of these? As always, like, share and subscribe and let us all know in the comments section
below, so that we can have some of these “marketing executives” fired for their gross ineptitude.
Ninh Ly - @NinhLyUK - www.ninh.co.uk