welcome back well early this week NBA
star Kevin Love revealed his struggle
with panic attacks and as we were
talking about it around the table Carson
you shared your own story and I rose
with anxiety unexpectedly too I just
started talking about inspired by that
Kevin love story it's something that I
can't change about myself in fact it's
okay I've learned to embrace it and
hopefully by just being honest and maybe
opening up it'll inspire others to do
the same looking back on my life that
was a worry work kid I was always
worrying father died when I was five I
thought sir when I was in high school
I've been nervous my whole life my very
first panic attack happened and by the
way I didn't know what it was at the
time happened when I was a host at MTV
welcome to the show solo requests live
the success my career I moved to New
York and my life changed overnight and a
hard time breathing I was terrified for
no apparent reason at times I feel like
there's a saber-toothed tiger right here
and it is going to kill me attack me in
by my other I'm scared as if that's
really happening you feel like you're
dying in fact I went to the hospital and
the first thing you put it on I got
leads on my chest I'm like my heart's
going to stop I'm gonna have a heart
attack and of course what happens is
you're perfectly fine to this day even
when I'm on television if you ever watch
The Voice live on NBC watch on a Monday
or Tuesday nights
I'm never still it's the same thing on
Today Show in the morning some days I'm
just so little anxious and you'll see me
I mean you could be able to tell you'll
seem I'm fidgeting people think you know
that here always anxiety there was
unhappy I pressure life you know around
television has nothing to do with that
I've had heightened anxiety and mild
panic attacks at the playground with my
own children and wife there and the
feeling was so gripping so terrifying
but I literally had to leave and excused
myself I've done relaxing things like I
rode my motorcycle across the country to
find some relaxing time and had you know
panic-stricken moments and that this is
the way I was born this is the way I'm
hardwired this is kind of the downside
of the
God made me and there's a tremendous
upside as well I'm very sensitive I love
music and music moves me in a very
visceral way physically so I get the
chills when I hear you know certain
music definitely like soul music when
I'm with my family and it's a euphoric
moment those things resonate to me very
very deeply and that's a beautiful thing
because I feel so much love and empathy
and compassion and that's just the flip
side to a lot of the anxiety I don't
walk around every day you know a nervous
wreck I don't want people to watch this
and think like are you okay are you
freaking out right now it's like no I'm
good you know they'll watch this piece
and go well how do you fix himself how
do you get how do you fix it so we live
in that world what'd he take I'll take
that too it's not that simple
what helped me was talking to a friend
once who said everything you're
experiencing I have to you have anxiety
you need to go you should go talk to
somebody about it I'm like it's a thing
the anxiety the thing I was like stress
like not really a thing I opted for a
cognitive therapist somebody who really
teaches you kind of about anxiety the
model of it and offers you tools on how
to kind of you know work through it so
the muscle retention relaxation really
helps me I'll do one now this will
actually help make some nervous doing
this interview so I'm gonna clench my
fists and my arms and my biceps as hard
as I can like I'm lifting a weight wow
that felt great
like an ocean of relaxation I mean I
really where the way I am like a badge
of honor this is who I am and I'm proud
of it I may be a little anxious but I
know I'm gonna be okay
we're so proud of you here my father
talking in that because as it pertains
to men's health and anxiety that was my
dad growing up was you know there's no
such thing as stress or anxiety it's not
the flu or breaking a bone rub some dirt
on as boys we grow up like that yeah and
then you know anxiety and the doctor can
talk about it you you literally feel
like a little boy when you're really
uncomfortable having anxiety and you
want your mommy which is the anticip our
grew up yeah so I was inspired by Kevin
Love speech to say hey listen if you're
out there and you're dealing with any of
this stuff go find somebody and they'll
talk to somebody and let's introduce our
guest this is Tom Kersting he's a
licensed psychotherapist he's an author
of the book disconnected and I mean I
think Carson has done a really brave
thing which he does every day actually
by just coming on and in spite of his
fears and in spite of that anxiety
coming on and you know just doing this
job so well but I mean it's also
important because I think a lot of men
do have that stigma it really is I mean
when you look at the statistics like
more women see treatment than men okay
and this is why you see the statistic
when you hear that more women have
anxiety than men that's not really true
it's just that more women go and seek
the treatment and sort of like what
you're talking about like the guy thing
as well you know we got to push things
under the road I'm a man I have an
anxiety right now is we're talking
literally my heart rate is up right now
because I'm you know here this is
important but it's something and it
which is great that you and people like
Kevin love and come out and say that
this is you know relatively normal to
some how do you know if it's stress and
or if it's something more if it's
something you should go speak to someone
about well if it's if it's really
debilitating to you to the point where
you know you can't sleep at night yeah
okay you having a hard time functioning
at work and so forth and it's just
crippling you then that's the time to go
and see some help and have somebody to
talk to and the men you know you get
more women in my profession that come to
your office but the men usually it's to
you know the wife kicking them in
somebody I knew when they do that
becomes the highlight of their week it's
now an outlet for them to unwind to
reframe their thinking to understand
their inner being and why and I think it
was interesting what you said cuz a lot
of people go okay wait a minute does
that mean that I'm supposed to be on
some drug or something and I don't want
to sign up for drugs for the rest of my
life but you've actually felt with this
cognitive behavioral therapy it really
makes it difficult for me to understand
the model I wanted to understand she's
like flying if you're scared to fly go
learn about it avionics and flying and
and lift and aerodynamics and learn
about it
still gonna be nervous in the air but at
least you'll have a clear understanding
as to how it all works yeah so I have an
understanding about how I work also
framework is everything no matter listen
people are so afraid about what other
people think of you you know and I wish
people could break down that wall too
because well I guarantee you everybody's
got something everybody's got something
else how you deal with it talking about
this others I talk I give a lot of
lectures and I talk about self esteem
and what's the important word their self
yet many people in our society nowadays
we're trying to extract attention from
the outside world to fill themselves up
yeah it doesn't work that way
go inside ourselves and unfold what lies
deep within our person that was terrific
by the people do you know they shared
with Carson and I think it makes a big
big difference we want to put more
information on our website look at this
somebody tweeted or I never knew there
was a name for how I feel thanks for
sharing Carson and help me not feel
alone I'm with you right there with you
Marcy me all right download today Ferris
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