(cell phone dinging)
- Hi, Sammy.
Um, I, I hope I can call you that, um,
but just in case, Hello Mr., Mrs., Dr.,
President, um, Donawitz, you must be one of those, right?
Anyway, as you can probably tell,
I'm very new to Cameo, and I appreciate you picking me.
So let's see what you've written.
Um, you're a Clevelander.
Right!
Okay, so love those Browns,
and you have some questions for me.
What is your favorite food?
Oh, I love sashimi.
Mm, the fresher the better, like right when it's dead.
What's your favorite movie?
I want to say anything Christopher Nolan, like Inception
or Dark Knight.
Those are so good.
Okay, and what's your favorite music?
Just like anything old-school hip hop, like Tupac, Biggie,
Run-DMC, all that, yeah.
Oh, and that's it.
Okay, well, thanks again for the questions.
I hope my answers were interesting enough?
Adequate? Anyway, all the best to you Sammy Donawitz,
have a good one.
Bye.
(phone dinging)
(bass note booming)
Hi, again, Sammy.
Um, look, I'm gonna check with the Cameo people if,
you know, there's been an error, but I just,
I received this exact same request that you sent last week
with the same, um, questions.
So maybe it's a duplicate.
I just don't want you to get charged again.
If, if you know you didn't mean to, but I'll find out.
But I guess just in case, maybe I'll,
I'll answer the questions again.
So favorite food?
What should I say last time?
Sushi, right?
And favorite movie, um, David Fincher?
Is that what I said? Fight Club?
And then favorite music, right.
Okay, um, just like old Jay-Z.
Okay, got 'em, three pointer.
Okay, once again, feel free to dispute this.
Have a great weekend, Sammy.
Ciao.
(phone dinging)
(bass note booming)
Hello, Sammy.
So I did contact Cameo and they did indeed confirm
that you meant to send that request again,
um,which leads me to believe that you have willingly sent me
the exact same request a third time.
Which is, I mean, it's fine, it's just, you know,
the internet is kind of like a weird place
specifically for women,
and while I don't think that you're trying to be creepy,
I just don't really know how to perceive this,
but you know what?
It's your money.
So fuck it.
Uh, Let's answer these questions.
So favorite food, you know what?
I am gonna be completely transparent with you.
My favorite food is a nasty goopy dank cheese pizza,
like a Chuck E Cheese, cheese piz-
like a bowling alley cheese pizza.
I don't even dab off the grease.
Favorite movie?
It's a toss up between Fast Five and Furious Seven.
I mean the whole franchise is is a masterpiece, frankly.
And favorite music.
Taylor Swift's Blank Space.
It frigging slaps.
That's, uh, that's me.
That's the shit I like.
So I guess this has been humbling?
I don't know, anyway, Sammy, I hope this is what you wanted.
(phone dinging)
(gentle music)
Hi Sammy.
Hey Sammy.
Hi Sammy.
Hi Sammy, I'm at a restaurant.
So people are saying that, like, the series isn't the same
after Paul Walker, but I think Vin Diesel
is doing an amazing job carrying the weight
of two protagonists.
See, I thought it was
♪ Gotta lot of Starbucks lovers ♪
but it's actually
♪ Gotta long list of ex-lovers ♪
Also, I don't think it's ridiculous to have flying cars
if that's the natural direction the series is going.
♪ And they'll tell you I'm insane ♪
You hear how it sounds the same?
I feel like there's like two personas for me, you know,
like an online persona, and then the real me.
I also wonder, like, is this all there is,
like, am I living life or is life living me?
Does that even make sense?
Oh, Sammy, it's so good to talk to you though.
Even if it's just one sided.
Goodnight.
(phone dinging)
(suspenseful music)
(Julie sniffling)
(Julie sighing)
Argh!
Sammy.
(computer keyboard typing)
Sammy?
- Julie, what are you doing here?
- Where, um, where the hell have you been?
Did you delete the app, or-
- No, I'm still on Cameo.
- Okay.
So um that's it then,
you're just gonna ghost me,
no more requests?
Like I'm fucking nothing after all that we've been through?
- I'm talking to the Soup Nazi guy from Seinfeld now.
Okay?
- What do you ask him?
- Can I have some bread?
- What does he say?
- Come on, you know exactly what he says.
It's his most famous line in the show.
There's t-shirts with the quote on it.
- Well, I hope you're really happy
and I hope he gives you whatever you're looking for.
- It's still pretty early.
So I don't-
I'll probably ask for a few more videos from him-
- You know, you're the only person who really knows me?
And I know nothing about you, I know,
except for your address and your social security number.
- Julie, I care about you a lot.
- You do?
- Yeah.
Look, um,
one of my rats is pregnant and it's her feeding time.
How about you come inside,
we catch up and you watch me feed one of my pregnant rats.
- I mean, I'd love to,
yeah, that, that would be really great.
- Great.
Can you fart in a bag?
- What?
- I brought this bag.
Can you fart in it?
- Um, fuck, no.
No, this, this-
- You can hold the bag. - Was a really bad idea.
This was, uh-
- We just have to seal it after-
What's your favorite movie?
Aw, man.
(music outro)