-Today is Friday, and that's usually
when I catch up with some personal stuff.
You know, I check my inbox, return some e-mails,
and, of course, send out thank-you notes.
And I was just -- [ Cheers and applause ]
I was running a bit behind today, so I thought,
if you guys wouldn't mind, I'd like to write out
my weekly thank-you notes right now.
Is that cool with you guys? [ Cheers and applause ]
James, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?
♪♪
Little extra flair there, I heard that.
[ Imitates a cat purring ]
[ Notes play ] Yeah, yeah.
You put a little extra. -Put a little English on it.
-Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah.
It's the holidays. -Yeah a little sprinkle, man.
[ Clears throat ]
Thank you, "House of Gucci" or as I like to call you
Italian succession.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Hey!
-It's good. -What's a matter for you?
-Thank you, 75% of Americans, limiting the relatives
they invite to Thanksgiving because of COVID
or as 100% of them put it,
"Yeah, we're not inviting them because of COVID."
[ Laughter ]
Sorry. Are you vaccine?
Yeah. Oh, we don't want anybody who's vaccine.
Did you get your booster? -We're celebrating the 26th.
-The 26th we're gonna be there.
You know, where Walmart is?
We'll be celebrating that parking lot.
We'll meet you there, don't worry about it.
-You're going to celebrate Thanksgiving in Walmart?
-Yeah. -Noice! [Nice]
Noice! That's righteous.
-Thank you, Adele's "30," for being the official soundtrack
of staring out a window with your hand against the glass.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Vocalizes ]
-It's out.
Thank you, booster shots, to be a good thing for society,
but sounding like a tequila, you give to toddlers.
[ Laughter ]
-For teething. For teething.
-Thank you, calling someone on their birthday,
for being 10 seconds of excitement,
followed by 10 minutes of awkwardness.
[ Laughter, applause ]
-Happy birthday. -Uh, did they already sing?
Thank you, moving walkways at airports,
for being the best way of getting to my gate
exactly 14 seconds faster.
[ Laughter, Applause ]
Thank you, KitchenAid stand mixer,
for making sure I can't make baked goods until I can deadlift
all 400 pounds of you onto my counter.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Grunts ]
[ Imitates crash ]
-Gosh. -Oh, where's the blades?
-Is that the last one? -What was that?
-That's the last. -Yes.
-Thank-you note, Tariq's gonna be here for,
like, a month or two. -Yeah, that's right.
I'm going to miss Tariq, man. I'm going to miss you, bud.
-I'm going to miss you, too, man.
-I mean, [muffled chanting]
Speech. -From me?
[ Audience starts chanting "Speech" ]
-I mean, you know, listen. -They want one.
Wow. [ Cheers and applause ]
Alright.
You know, at the top of, of one mountain
represents the bottom of of the next.
-Oh, my goodness never mind. -Wow!
-Boo! Boo! [ Laughs ] -I really, you know.
[ Laughs ]
-Your high school yearbook quote or something? No.
-Too good. -It's too good.
-It's too good. -To be.
Wait a minute. Is this really the last one?
-Yeah. -Oh, well, I didn't know.
-Thank you, cornucopias for being baskets
that are bad at their job.
There you have it, everybody, those are "Thank You Notes!"