-One of the things I like most about your show is --
you give context to stories that I don't feel like
get covered a lot -- not just on late-night shows,
but even on news shows here in the States.
Prime Minister in India, Prime Minister Modi,
and he was here,
and Donald Trump went to this rally.
-To open for Modi. -Yeah.
-It was a big deal. -Yeah.
So, explain that, because it certainly seems surreal to me
to watch President Trump holding hands with another man,
just sort of walking through.
-And they were full-on swinging. -Yeah.
-It was a strange thing to see.
But for those who don't know, you know,
Prime Minister Modi had sold out NRG Stadium,
where the Texans play, in Houston.
50,000-plus people showed up.
And then Donald Trump was like, "I'll open."
-Yeah. -I'm like, "Oh, I've got to go."
This is like the Jay-Z and Beyoncé of ethno-nationalism.
-Yeah.
-Like, imagine a Jay and Bey concert
but with no white or black people and no coolness at all.
And so I was like, "I got to be there."
-So you went.
You decided, "This is the perfect thing
for our show to cover."
-Yeah, because I knew that, like, what Modi pulled off --
And this is a political gangster.
A lot of people in the Indian community don't rock with Trump.
But because of this weird pairing,
they just had to stand for DJT.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
Like, imagine if you got Ed Sheeran tickets free.
-Uh-huh. -Sold out, NRG Stadium.
And then, a week before, they were like,
"Special guest -- Bill Cosby."
You'd be like, "All right, you've got a monster,
but then I really want to hear 'Shape of You.'"
And all the aunties and uncles were like,
"I got to do Shape --'" Yeah, yeah.
-So, you go down there. -I go down there.
Well, I was like, "I have to be there."
So we submit our press credentials.
Immediately get an e-mail back.
They're like, "We're out of space."
I'm like, "Word."
Like, I've been to Indian weddings.
You just walk in. -Yeah.
-You're out of space in a football stadium?
No. So, I reach out to the organizers.
I'm like, "Hey, come on. This is my community.
You guys get it. Like, I want to be there."
And they're like, "We're out of space, but we are discussing."
-Oh, my goodness. -I'm like, "All right."
And if you've ever done field pieces,
you know that you've got to show up and, you know,
be a good-faith actor, and they'll take care of you.
-Right, right.
-So, I show up to the press table that morning,
and they're like, "Mr. Minhaj, we are out of space,
and you've been denied because of
some of the comments you have made."
-Wow!
-And I'm like, "I'm sorry for making fun of cricket.
It's not just a sport for FOBs.
It's an international game that is taking over the world.
They're like, "No.
The comments you have made about Prime Minister Modi
were not appreciated, and you've been blacklisted."
-Wow!
-And I was like, "Dude, you're treating me like
Indian Jorge Ramos."
This is Trump 101. -Yeah.
-And I'm in Texas, so you guys pretty much think
I'm Jorge Ramos.
So, I'm in the parking lot and I'm just watching
this whole thing on live stream
while I'm looking at the stadium.
And I'm watching the program.
And during the program, they're honoring
prominent Indian-Americans.
"Indian-Americans have done so much
in arts, music, even comedy."
And then they show a photo of me on the Jumbotron,
and people start clapping.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, you understand what's happening.
-So, this -- And we do have a photo of where you were
when you were watching that.
-I'm in the parking lot.
So, they were honoring me for my comedy while also
blackmailing me and blackballing me
and kicking me out for my comedy.
It was the most Indian thing ever.
They were like, "We're proud of you,
but we'll never say it to your face."
It tore me apart, man.
Like, inside the stadium and outside the stadium,
there were protesters.
So, it's all my community.
This is my basic community, right?
And when everything's filling out -- you guys get this --
they were arguing.
Everyone is arguing with each other.
They're yelling at each other.
Cops are trying to break it up in between two people.
And I was like, "Dude, come on. This is us.
We live in the same neighborhoods.
You guys probably both work at Google."
-Yeah. -"You both weigh 135 pounds."
You both have never fought in your life."
And the police officers are like,
"Why are you guys arguing over sweaters?
Everyone can have cashmere."
And they're like, "That's the problem.
Everyone can't have Kashmir."
So, that was the event. -That sounds very intense.
-It was intense. Yeah.
-Was this more or less intense?
You went and you spoke before Congress.
-Yeah.
-You addressed the student-loan crisis.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yes.
-And was it Maxine Waters who asked you --
-Maxine Waters. Yep. -She invited you.
-Yeah.
-And, so, what was the experience of
speaking before Congress?
-Well, I was kind of shocked, 'cause I was like,
"Is this where we've gotten?"
-Right.
-Like, if we need to move the needle on an issue,
you have to call up a comedian?
-Right, yeah.
-Like, "Oh, man, the opioid epidemic is out of control.
You know who can solve this? Gilbert Gottfried."
-Yeah.
-"Let's see what Gilbert's doing,
and maybe we can get this thing through."
But, look, I've watched one-hour dramas on TV.
Like, I thought Congress was going to be hot, sexy,
witty banter, you know, affairs in the air.
No. It was like the DMV in there.
-Yeah. -Just, like, gray lighting.
You show up.
They give you a Dixie cup and hand you
a "Men's Health" from 2014.
When I was in Congress testifying --
C-SPAN didn't get this, but in the corner, like where Fred is,
I saw a mousetrap with cheese.
I was like, "Dude, Trump is right --
there are rats in this building."
-Yeah. It's so low-end, though, right?
-Yeah. -It's just, like, brown.
-Yeah. It's really not -- It's really not hot.
-Like, the shot of the congressmen
and then the shot of the person testifying
is always very dramatic, but every time
they take a wide shot --
-You're like, "Oh, this is an open mic."
-Yeah. -"Three people are here."
All of the seats are empty.
-'Cause they just -- People file in,
they ask you five minutes of questions,
and then they just vamoose, right?
-They do their five. and then they leave.
-Yeah.
-And I stayed there the entire four hours, no bathroom breaks.
I thought that's what you're supposed to do.
-They don't give you bathroom breaks?
-No! And Maxine Waters told me, at the end --
She's like, "You should have asked."
I'm like, "You really wanted me to be like,
'Um, Mrs. Waters, can I get the cube with the bathroom key?'"
-Yeah. Did you have student-debt crisis?
Do you have loans? -I didn't. I'm lucky.
-Yeah. -I'm lucky.
I did not have student debt.
You know, I have immigrant parents,
and they forced me to live at home,
so I don't have crippling student debt.
-Yeah.
-I have crippling emotional debt.
-Oh, sure, of course.
-Yeah, and Congress has yet to do anything about that.
-Yeah. Likely never to be repaid.
Hey, man, it's always such a pleasure to see you.
Can't wait for your show to be back in November.
Thanks for being here. -Thank you, buddy.
-Hasan Minhaj, everybody.