We've all been there.
You're sitting in traffic one day and as you look over you spot a driver, two knuckles
deep in his nose.
He's so busy mining for gold that he doesn't realize that everyone around him can see him-
or maybe, he just doesn't care.
You watch as he roots around, and then predictably, he finally unearths his find, a nice, fat,
golden nose oyster.
Then, to your horror, you watch him pop it into his mouth and swallow it in one go with
a satisfied sigh, then he's back at it again, angling for more delicious nose clams deep
in his own skull.
Hello and welcome to another episode of The Infographics Show, today we're going to tell
you why despite the temptation, you should never, ever eat your boogers.
According to statistics that we just made up, three out of every seven Americans regularly
pick their own nose and then eat their boogers.
At least that's what it seems like to us as we're sitting in traffic and observing our
local earth cohabitants.
There is no official statistic, because nose picking is unsurprisingly something that isn't
very well studied by scientists.
Booger eating is even less well studied, as scientists can't find enough willing volunteers
to form the basis of a credible study.
We'd like to think that's because there's just not enough booger eaters, but in all
likelihood it's simply because they are probably too embarrassed to admit to the habit.
But other than being a disgusting thing for others to see you do, what are the actual
risks or possible benefits to booger eating?
First though, we have to explain boogers themselves.
What is snot exactly?
Mucus is a slimy, water-based bodily fluid that your body produces in order to help protect
itself.
It turns out that snot is actually pretty important, and is typically your front line
of defense against infection.
That's because snot helps trap dust and any other particles that you accidentally inhale,
which very often includes viruses, bacteria, and fungus spores.
As the would-be invaders catch a ride on air currents, they enter your nose or throat and
more often than not get trapped in the sticky mucus that lines the walls of our respiratory
system.
Mucus however also helps to moisten the air that you inhale in, which makes it easier
for you to breathe.
If you've ever been severely dehydrated you know that breathing can actually feel quite
uncomfortable, which makes you thankful for snot in your normal day to day life.
So knowing that boogers help trap harmful bacteria, viruses and other nasty things that
are best kept out of your body rather than in, we bet some of you can make a pretty strong
argument already for why we should in fact eat at least some of our own boogers.
We're willing to bet you're in fact already prolific booger eaters, but hey, its your
body and we can't tell you what to do, or not do, with it.
Unfortunately.
Back to our point though, some booger aficionados claim that eating our boogers is actually
beneficial to our health, as it ingests some of the bad bacteria and viruses that the body
would normally keep out and thus forces the body to fight off a much smaller infection.
These people typically base their rationale on the way that vaccines work- which by the
way, they do work and you should never, ever take medical advice from Jenny McCarthy.
In a vaccine a deactivated form of a pathogen is injected into the body, and while the pathogen
is unable to actually cause infection, it prompts an immune system response which teaches
the body how to fight this infection off.
Then when the real pathogen comes around ready to kick the door down and make your body its
property, your immune system already knows how to respond and has the proper antibodies
prepared to shut it down quickly.
Eating your own boogers should work much the same way, thus proving to be a health benefit
instead of a health risk, right?
Well, no, because that's just not how biology works.
See when you eat your boogers you're not inserting them into the blood stream directly but rather
into your stomach, and most of what ends up there gets destroyed by strong stomach acids
long before it gets absorbed into the body.
So you're not really boosting your immune system, you're just trying to cover up your
nose clam habit.
But if your boogers just get destroyed in stomach acid, then what's the big deal- how
could it possibly be dangerous to just eat them?
The answer to that question comes from two different potential points of entry for infection
that are facilitated when you pick your nose and then eat the boogers.
First, the act of picking the nose itself can often scratch up the inside of your nose,
which leaves openings for all the germs your boogers are trying to keep out of you to happily
migrate into your body.
More to the point, you're also placing yourself at risk with bacteria that you normally wouldn't
breathe in, such as Staph bacteria that live under your disgusting finger nails.
Don't even pretend that you've cleaned your nails anytime in the last three weeks, because
you haven't, at best you've given your hands a cursory washing.
Staph bacteria is actually pretty common under people's finger nails, along with fecal matter
and a host of other fun stuff.
When you pick your nose you're giving all that nastiness a free ride directly inside
your body, which is why we recommend you never pick your nose or you cut all your fingers
off.
Because if you don't, the bacteria will get you.
It's pretty rare but one 53 year old woman managed to carve a hole right through her
sinus with her constant nose picking.
While the damage was discovered and repaired in time, holes in your sinus are a pretty
serious threat and can make it possible for the bacteria living in your nose right now
to make their way straight to your brain.
For some people you'd hardly notice, but for the rest of us brain infections are very serious
business that can lead to brain damage or even death.
The other way that germs can find their way inside you by eating your boogers is by hitching
a ride inside the mucus that you roll up into a tight little ball before you chuck it down
your throat.
The odds are low, but it is possible that protected by the mucus, bacteria could make
their way past your stomach acid and into your intestinal track, where it would be free
to start setting up shop.
So let's say that you're addicted to eating delicious nose clams, and you can't seem to
stop picking your nose- what can you do to help stop or at least limit how much nose
picking you do?
1.
Identify underlying causes.
If you always have an itchy or runny nose then seasonal allergies could be to blame.
Over-the-counter medications such as claritin or zyrtec can help with the symptoms of allergies.
As can simple anti-congestion medications such as cough syrup, which will go a long
way towards drying up the fields and fields of slimy nose oysters waiting to be harvested
and eaten.
2.
Remove your fingers.
Scientific studies have proven that fingers are the number one tool used for nose picking,
and our Infographics medical staff recommends removing them so as to prevent you from picking
your nose.
No fingers, no nose picking.
It's not exactly an elegant solution, but we dare you to argue that it wouldn't work.
3.
Use saline nose drops or humidifers.
Using drops or humidifiers can help keep your boogers from drying out and thus becoming
hardened.
Admittedly it's when boogers are nice and crunchy that they are the funnest to pick,
and keeping them nice and humid will prevent them from getting that way.
4.
Tracheotomy.
If you get yourself a tracheotomy and then proceed to plug up your nasal cavity you'll
no longer have a need for the upper respiratory system.
With your nostrils permanently plugged up- we recommend humid environment contact cement-
you'll no longer be able to shove your fingers into your nose to mine for gold.
The plus side of a tracheotomy is that you can get a voice box and sound like a cool
space robot!
5.
Use a memory device to help reduce subconscious nose picking.
It's no accident that nose picking activities reach their zenith during rush hour traffic,
as most people resort to nose picking while bored.
Using a memory device can alert you to this subconscious time waster, and you can wrap
a small bandage around your lead nose picker so that the moment you see it approach your
face you realize you shouldn't be picking your nose.
6.
Gather the Avengers, defeat Thanos, wield the Infinity Gauntlet and use its power to
wish yourself to never picking your nose again.
Top medical experts agree this is the best way to end a troublesome nose picking habit.
So now that you know better, do you still plan on snacking on some all-organic nose
oysters?
Check out our other video, What Happens If You Drink Only Soda And Nothing Else!
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