Burnie: OK, one note from the kitchen:
If you're gonna use the coffee pot to make coffee,
you need to use water, ok?
I don't care what the fucking Internet says,
there is no such things as double coffee.
All right, and one last item:
ah!
I have finally solved our intern problem.
Gus: We have an intern problem?
Burnie: Not anymore we don't!
I would like to introduce you to the newest member
of our team.
[music playing]
[shoe tapping sounds]
Joel: Is that?
[silence]
Is that a muppet?
Burnie: No, don't be silly. Muppet's a trademark.
Geoff: Is it alive?
Gus: Is it hypoallergenic?
Burnie: His name is Pongo.
Joel: His name is Pongo.
Burnie: Yeah, the city offers grants to small businesses that
promote or celebrate cultural diversity.
That's not to say that, that Pongo here
is some kind of token affirmative action hire.
You know, like Gus.
Gus: Hey!
Burnie: Pongo actually has a really great resumé.
Gus: I'm right here.
That's, that's not cool.
Burnie: And Pongo?
We are expecting you to stand on your own around here.
Geoff: How is it standing on its own?
Burnie: And I would expect that all of you
would give Pongo the respect he deserves.
Geoff: Is there like a hand up its butt?
Gus: So exactly how is hiring a puppet
celebrating diversity in the workplace?
Burnie: Pongo is from the Dominican Republic.
Pongo: I'm from the Dominican Republic!
Geoff: No way, it talks?
That's awesome!
Joel: Yeah I, I don't. I don't think this is gonna work.
Geoff: Say "waka waka" or something wacky like that!
Joel: Yeah, um that's not even a real person.
Burnie: Joel, that's exactly the kind of attitude that
Pongo's people have been battling for centuries.
Joel: Pongo's people? That's redic-
Wait, do you mean
you mean people from the Dominican Republic or
Burnie: Joel, come on. Be respectful, man.
Joel: No no no no no. It's see that's what I'm saying.
See, Pongo can't have any people, see?
Because Pongo is not a person.
See look. He he's purple.
Burnie: Joel!
Just because somebody doesn't have the same skin color as you
does not make them inferior!
Gus: Jesus, way to place the race card, Joel.
Joel: No no no no. See it's not it's not a skin thin, right?
See because it doesn't, it doesn't have any skin.
See, it's it's covered in felt.
See because it's a pupp- it's a
Look see it has got like
its got the ribbons for hair, right?
He's got the like little googly eyes
Look see he's even wearing a funny hat
Burnie: It's called a yamaka.
Joel: It's Jewish?
Pongo: Burnie, tomorrow is the Sabbath.
I was wondering if I might
Burnie: Yeah sure.
If you need to take tomorrow off, absolutely.
Joel: Pongo is Jewish?
Pongo: If you will excuse me then.
Burnie: Sure, Pongo!
Pongo: It was a pleasure to meet you all!
Now Pongo go get to work!
[music playing]
Geoff: Seriously, how are you doing that
and can it juggle?
Burnie: Sorry about this.
It's not as first days are bad.
Not everybody who works here is a jack ass.
Hey, Joel?
Can I see you outside please?
Joel: It's a, it's a puppet.
Geoff: Do we have any music?
We should totally get Pongo to dance.
Burnie: Ok, Joel:
they money that we can make from the city on this deal
is actually pretty important to the company.
Joel: No, I know. I mean I didn't Burnie: so I don't want you fucking this up
with like your crazy whacked on mania prejudice crap Joel: Ok. I did know.. just... I
Joel: Just because he's Jew-
I didn't know the puppet was-
All right look, that doesn't make me
Burnie: Here's what we're gonna do, ok?
I'm gonna give you this.
And you're gonna read it or look at the pictures.
Joel: What's this?
Is this a pamphlet?
Burnie: Yeah Joel: You're giving me a pamphlet?
Burnie: I am. That's a pamphlet and I'm giving it to you.
And it has an 800 number on the back.
Joel: 800 number?
Burnie: Yup. And you can call it.
And you can talk to somebody and go:
"Hey I'm crazy and I hate a bunch of people,"
"What's wrong with me?"
Geoff: Oh my god dude, Pongo's dancing!
That's fucking awesome!
You gotta check this out!
Joel: I'm not a racist!
Burnie: Woah woah woah woah woah
Nobody is calling you a racist, Joel.
Nobody is calling you that.
All I'm saying is that you could benefit from
some kind of extended therapy
where you learn to hate- not hate other races
Joel: Ok, I don't care if the thing is from Haiti
or wherever it's from Burnie: Haiti, Joel?
Burnie: You hear what you just said?
Haiti.
Why can't he be from Loveland, Joel?
He's from Dominican Republic.
It's a totally different country.
With a totally different culture.
Joel: Ok I know those are different culture, Burnie.
It's a puppet.
Ok, Burnie? It's a puppet.
How can you possibly ask me to take the thing seriously?
It's- will you please turn down that jungle music?
Burnie: Jungle music, Joel?
You people?
Joel: I didn't say "you people"
Burnie: You just did.
Pongo: [clearing throat]
Burnie: Oh, hey Pongo!
Uh yeah
It seems that Joel has some things
that he wants to say to you right now.
Pongo: I don't think Joel likes my people's music.
This makes Pongo sad.
Joel: Uh yeah
Pongo.
Uh sorry I guess I, I didn't
I didn't see you down there? Uh I
Burnie: Down there, Joel?
Down there?
Pongo: Burnie?
Is Joel making a short people joke?
Burnie: Christ, Joel!
Sorry, Pongo.
I know you probably don't wanna hear about Christ
since you're a Jew and
you guys hate Christ and all that.
Joel: What?
Pongo: It's true!
Burnie: Emotions are high.
Joel: No no no see I didn't no I didn't understand
because he was behind me so I didn't see him
I said "down there" because I didn't see him.
So I mean I, I you could see how that
What were you- what was that Christ stuff?
Pongo: Pongo may be short, but Pongo's heart is tall.
Burnie: That's beautiful, Pongo.
Joel: What?
It doesn't make any sense!
Burnie: You know, it seems like you two
are getting things worked out, so
I'm just gonna leave you guys to it.
Burnie (whispering): Don't forget the money.
Don't fuck this up, jack ass!
Joel: Uh listen, Pongo.
It's Pongo, right?
Um yeah listen I don't-
Pongo: No, you listen to me douchebag!
Pongo doesn't like your bullshit!
Joel: What did you just say?
Pongo: Pongo said, "watch your back cracker"
or Pongo is gonna cut you open like a fish!
Joel: Is that a knife?
Burnie: Hey, look at all the big smiles!
I guess that means we've worked out our differences?
Pongo: Pongo and Joel have a new appreciation
for each other!
Burnie: Awesome!
Score one for the pamphlet, right buddy?
What's the matter?
You're not talking?
Cat got your tongue?
Pongo: Yes, if the cat you're referring to is Pongo!
[Burnie & Pongo laughing]
Burnie: OK, everybody get back to work.
Pongo, go scrub the toilets.
Pongo: Scrubby scrub! Burnie: ándale!
Burnie: Arriba, arriba!
Joel
You too get back to work.
What the fuck do you do here?
[Spanish music plays]