-♪ Hashtags ♪
♪♪
-Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite
#VacationFail tweets from you guys.
Here we go.
This first one's from Kalliefornia.
I get it.
She says, "We went to Myrtle Beach
and put my dad in charge of taking the pictures.
When we got them developed,
all the pictures were of my dad's eye.
[ Laughing ]
[ Applause ]
"How do you use this thing?"
It was the best trip ever.
This one's from @stacynovels.
She says, "My friend has a prosthetic leg.
As a kid, her dad would run out of the ocean with it,
screaming 'shark attack.'"
[ Laughing ]
Not cool.
That's not cool, man.
-Or is it?
-Yeah, it might be cool.
This one's from @cheermomma84.
She says, "My dad and brother left us in the tent
to investigate because they heard a bear.
Turns out it was just my mom snoring."
[ Laughing ]
She's not a bear.
This one's from @cuttsmarissa.
She says, "My dad got dragged out by a riptide
and waved for my mom to save him.
She stood on the beach waving back."
"Hi, honey!
You're doing great! You're doing great!"
This one's from @moniefry.
She says, "Our vacation rental
had this picture hanging in the living room.
We had to hide it in the closet because it scared us all."
Look at the --
[ Laughing ]
-Wait, wait.
Wait, what is it? -I gotta see it again.
I gotta see it again.
-Oh, my God. -Is he holding baby bottles?
-I think he's holding baby bottles with like a...
zucchini -- no, an eggplant on his head,
a glass of milk.
Oh, that's another giant bottle. -It's another bottle.
-Yeah, that's fascinating.
I think I just saw its eyes move.
This one's from @livvierosee.
She says, "My dad accidentally bought
women's capri pants at Disney World
and got mad at us when we told him."
[ Laughing ]
They accentuate my thighs. -Slim cut.
-This one's from @LytleSarah.
She says, "In New York City,
my aunt said, with all sincerity,
'The Statue of Liberty's arm is up.
That means the president is in town.'"
[ Laughing ]
-[ Imitates mechanical whirring ]
[ Singing "Hail to the Chief" ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I never knew it did that. -I didn't know. I had no idea.
-This one's from @schwabbie1022.
She says, "On vacation,
the waiter brought over flaming shots.
My dad made a toast, and his hair caught on fire."
"To the paramedics."
This one's from @tress98.
She said, "We missed our flight,
so my parents made us take pictures
in front of a tropical-themed poster
so it looked like we went."
-Yeah! That's thinking! -That's a good idea!
-That's thinking!
-This one is from @brianlub --
lubbin? No, lubing. Brian Lube?
-Brian lovely lubin'? -Brian lub-lub...lubin?
-Brian loves lubin'.
-L-U-B...
-Get some lovin' in the oven.
-It's not -- it's not -- it's not Brian loves lubin'.
I think L-U-B-A-N is his last name.
Anyway. -Here's a tweet from this dude.
-I appreciate the tweet from him, yeah.
I don't have to hang out with him.
-Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure he's a great guy.
-He says, "My mom said she'd ride Space Mountain with me
because I was scared.
When we got to the front, she said, 'Nope!' and left.
I rode with strangers."
Thanks, Mom!
Those were our "Tonight Show" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.
-♪ Hashtags ♪
-Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite,
#WorstRoadTripEver tweets from you guys.
Here we go.
This first one's from @johnnycantrock,
He says, "Got lost on the way to Disneyland
because instead of following the road signs,
my dad just followed a bus with the Disneyland ad on it."
[ Laughing ]
-Come on, dad. -"Kids, pose by the bus.
Let me get a picture with you. We're at a bus depot.
-Alright." -"There we go. Let's go home."
-"I guess Mickey's sick, you guys."
This one's from BECCAnoH.
She says, "We were stuck in traffic for so long,
only one side of my face got sunburned.
I looked like a Batman villain."
This one's from @JLaufe.
She says, "My dad got so fed up with our fighting
that he pulled over and laid down
in the middle of an empty highway."
You finally broke him.
You broke him.
He's a broken man. I don't care anymore.
-"Take me, Lord!" -You broke dad.
This one's from @masonclashes.
He says, "My older brother wired my friend's car brakes
to the horn so that whenever he braked, the horn honks."
[ Laughing ]
Oh, this is a good one.
This one's from @klaracee91.
She says, "We got detained at the Canadian border
because my brother answered 'not really'
when asked if he had weapons in the car."
What?
"Not really."
What does that mean?
This one's from @AndrwWard.
He says, "Dad drove through a paper mill town,
cranked down the windows, and yelled,
'Breathe it in, boys, that's what money smells like!'"
-Is he a paper magnate? -I don't know.
This one's from @AmyTucker26.
She says, "My parents let my brother
buy a harmonica at Cracker Barrel
on the very first leg of a weeklong trip."
I could just imagine how annoying that would be.
[ Imitating harmonica ]
This one's from @BelleofBabble.
She says, "My friend's crappy car had no working blinkers,
so I had to hang out the window with the toy lightsaber
to indicate our turns."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Someone's landing a plane in front of us!
-This last one's from evanaye.
He says, "Our stuff fell off the roof, so people honked.
My dad didn't know why they were honking,
so he flipped off every car that had honked."
There you go! Those are our "Tonight Show" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
tonightshow.com/hashtags.
-♪ Hashtags ♪
-Now I thought I'd share
some of my favorite #TextFail stories from you guys.
Here we go.
This first one's from @memersvg.
She says, "Tried to text my photographer/foodie friend
'What if you were a food photographer?'
but sent, 'What if you were a good photographer? 'instead."
This one's from @lisalou9399.
She says, "My daughter texted me
about an award she got in the Navy.
I accidentally replied with the middle finger emoji
instead of the thumbs up."
-Wow, Mom. -Wow.
This one's from @shoholajc.
He says, "I once texted my mom to send me a picture of my dad.
Five days later, I got a picture in the mail."
It's not worth it. It's not even worth it.
-He didn't say "text me," he said "send me."
-This one's from @sdbalasundaram.
She says, "My dad learned you can abbreviate hate to 'H8,'
but didn't understand, and started abbreviating
all the words with an 8.
Instead of 'love you,' he writes 'L8 Y8.'"
[ Laughing ]
-L8 Y8! -L8 Y8!
-This one is from @HannahEStrother.
She says, "My sister accidentally texted her ex
that she wished 'nothing but the bed' for him
and his new girlfriend."
That's nice.
Oh, this one's good. This one from hannahpellicer.
She says, "I got this text from my mom.
I don't know if she was trying to tell me something,
or rap something."
It says, "As soon as you get to Alabama,
as soon as you get to Alabama, as soon as you get to Alabama,
as soon as you get to Alabama, you need to go
as soon as you get to Alabama,
need to go as soon as you get there,
as soon as you get to Alabama, as soon as you get to Alabama,
unh, as soon as you get to Alabama, unh!
As soon as you get to Alabama. - [ Drums play ]
As soon as you get to Alabama. -Unh!
-As soon as you get to Alabama. -[ Band playing along ]
-Huh! As soon as you get to Alabama.
-Unh!
-Go see bananarama.
[ Music stops ]
Go see Bananarama when I get... are they on tour?
-Rappers love Banarama. -They're on tour, yeah.
This one's from @LindsaySwink.
She says, "My sister was texting a client who said,
'I'll meet you by the bathrooms.'
She meant to write, 'okay, perfect,'
but instead wrote, 'okay, pervert.'"
"Oh, I didn't mean... just meet by the bathroom."
-Not in the bathroom!
-This last one is from the one and only Sheryl Crow,
-Oh! -She played the game!
We love Sheryl Crow.
Thank you for playing, Sheryl. We love you.
Got a new record out, by the way.
Sheryl says, "We taught my mom how to use voice-text.
This is now the family sign-off."
Look at this, it says,
"Karen and I just arrived. Where in my room 720.
See you in a little bitch. Mom."
"Don't call me that, Mom!"
There you have it. Those are our "Tonight Show" Hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.