hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about how to turn shyness into
confidence now let's begin number one a minute of courage how do you muster enough confidence to
break out of your comfort zone well the truth is it doesn't take as much confidence as you'd think
all you need to do is change the way that you think about your fears look let's try this imagine
you're standing face-to-face with a new challenge you pick something that you've never been good at
like introducing yourself to a stranger now when you think about facing that fear what's the first
worry that pops into your head you might be nervous about running out of things to say
or you're scared there will be too many awkward pauses my point is you're worried about how the
entire conversation is going to play out in your mind you're not brave enough to fill such a tall
order so you back down and your shyness gets the best of you but you don't need to worry about
the entire conversation the only part you need to focus on is the very beginning getting started is
by far the hardest part of any challenge whether it's starting a project at work or chatting with
a stranger from the outside the first step feels like a wall that you'll never climb or a notion
that you'll never cross but if you can summon enough courage to overcome that first intimidating
obstacle you can handle anything the rest of the conversation will feel like a piece of cake
because once you've climbed that wall or cross that ocean you'll realize something all these
perilous hurdles that you imagine running into on the other side they don't exist there's nothing
there that's why after taking that very first step you'll gradually feel more comfortable your
nerves will settle down and you might even start enjoying yourself so if you don't feel confident
enough to face up to your fears hey don't worry because in reality you only need one minute of
courage one short burst of confidence to leap over that first hurdle and if you can survive that very
first minutes hey your shyness will evolve into genuine self-confidence number two shouting from
the rooftops how often do you apologize for being shy imagine you're standing in the hallway talking
to a co-worker that you've always admired you were terrified at first but now you're starting
to settle into the conversation until suddenly there's a long awkward silence what do you do
do you immediately blame it on your personality do you assume things wouldn't be awkward if you
weren't such a shy person well chances are things would have been awkward no matter what it really
doesn't matter if you're the most outgoing person in the world every interaction will have its
highs and it's lows so you don't need to blame those social missteps on your own inexperience
because the only thing you did wrong was assume that somehow it's your fault here's an important
fact that most shy people don't realize the rest of the world doesn't know that you're shy it's
more than obvious to you but to everyone else hey you're just average at worst someone might
think you're a little on the quiet side but the vast majority of the people you meet won't say or
notice a thing well unless you tell them that's exactly what happens when you blame your shy
personality you're giving yourself a label that other people will use to define and understand you
in other words something as simple as an apology can completely change your person's perspective of
you it transforms the image they have in their heads and it leads that person to treat you
differently so each time you label yourself timid or shy what you're doing is a lot more damage
than you think but that's not even the worst part every time you apologize for being shy you're not
just affecting others No you're hurting your own self image over time you subconsciously adopt this
negative vision of yourself and it becomes harder and harder to see yourself as anything but a shy
person so don't go shouting your shyness from the rooftops even if you know you're acting shy just
keep it to yourself pretend that you don't know you're a shy person and more often than not no
one will be able to tell the difference number three lower your bar social confidence doesn't
mean you have to have long deep conversations with everyone you meet these types of intense
social interactions terrify most chai people but no one's expecting you to suddenly jump from zero
to a hundred so why do you expect something so impossible from yourself just think about how
you'd learn a sport like tennis when you pick up a racquet for the very first time should you
automatically know how to serve across the court of course not you've never even hit a ball before
so why leap ten steps ahead you need to practice hitting and swinging before you even think about
complicated stuff like direction or power in other words if you want to turn your shyness into
confidence you need to lower the bar now to put this idea in context your very first conversation
with a new person should be short sweet and simple short sweet and simple got it talk about surface
level stuff like work or the weather it won't be the most exciting conversation in the world
but hey that's okay there's nothing wrong with easy and there's nothing wrong with average so
you don't need to worry about telling some epic story or dazzling people with your charisma just
focus on the basics and you'll be serving in no time number four people watching whenever you're
feeling socially awkward just spend a few minutes people watching and pay special attention to their
body language start with their eyes where are they looking are they confident ly making eye contact
or are they staring at the ground or into space now what about the way they're standing do they
look comfortable or do they seem like they'd rather be anywhere else nine times out of ten
you'll find that almost everyone is feeling just as out of place as you are there might
be a select minority who loves the attention and they might feel totally at home but most of us
get nervous shy and at least a little bit awkward in social settings the problem is unless you stop
and take a look around you might never notice if you're a shy person you might automatically assume
that you're the only one in the room you look out into the crowd you see people talking and laughing
and you assume that you're surrounded by social butterflies but if you take a closer look you'll
discover just how wrong you really are so how does people-watching turn your shyness into confidence
people watching shows you that you're not alone and that has a major impact on your self-esteem it
makes you feel more normal more in control people won't seem nearly as intimidating because you know
deep down they're scared of the exact same things that you are number five casual ownership shyness
isn't always a secret most people won't be able to tell but occasionally someone will call you out if
someone says hey you know you're kind of shy most shy people get down on themselves they apologize
and they lose all their confidence but shyness doesn't have to be something you're ashamed of
because you don't have to let your shyness define you think about this simple change instead of
calling yourself a shy person what if you were a person who can be shy the two titles mean the same
thing but the second one sounds really different doesn't it so the next time someone tells you that
you're shy you don't have to say you're sorry or try to explain yourself just say yeah I guess I
am sometimes suddenly your shyness doesn't sum up your entire character it's just a small part
of your personality because that's exactly what shyness is it's just a tiny sliver of
the well-rounded person that you really are number six discover your safety nuts we all rely on some
kind of safety net some self-soothing routine to make us feel stable and comfortable if you're at a
party you might hide in the corner of the room or across your arms over your chest some people grab
a plate of food and use that like a shield when you're not feeling brave or confident you fall
back on these safety nets to calm your nerves now on the surface having a safety net seems like a
good thing but they're hurting your confidence in the long run safety nets are like your behavioral
comfort zone yeah you feel safe and strong inside them but that safety keeps you from coming out of
your shell it stops you from taking risks or expanding your horizons if you ever hope to
develop your confidence then you can't be afraid to put yourself out there luckily your safety nets
are pretty easy to recognize you might already know what they are but in case you don't here's
how you can spot a safety net in action the next time you're stuck in a situation that stifles your
confidence pay attention to the first thing you want to do because your brain is trained to use
those nets whenever you're feeling negative as soon as your shyness kicks into high gear your
brain answers with a safety net like staring at the ground or picking your nails thankfully
there's a way out once you recognize what you're doing you can change your behavior you
can systematically retrain your brain and finally step out of your comfort zone hey thank you for
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