Hey psst!
Do you wanna learn how to waste your life and be as miserable
as you possibly can?
Alright then, watch this video carefully, because this might be the difference between
living happily and enjoying every day or living a life full of miserable sadness.
And misery is not just a destination.
It’s a bit like football: a skill set that can be honed and perfected.
So in this video, based on the book: How to be Miserable by Randy J. Paterson, you will
learn a variety of strategies grouped into 5 easy steps to follow to become less happy.
Along the way, you may discover that you have already mastered many of them and practice
them on a daily basis.
But you can always get better—or perhaps I should say worse.
First Become an Island unto yourself.
We are a social species.
Unlike bears, we are built to spend our time in groups.
Alone on the savannah, we would never have lasted long.
For most of human history, we appear to have lived in tribes of around 75-150 and those
who could not handle the complexity of the relationships would go off on their own.
Tigers need to eat, after all.
So here we have a great strategy to become more miserable.
Isolate yourself.
Build an island.
Put up the fence, close the basement door, switch on the computer, and kid yourself that
you have successfully replaced in-the-flesh social contact.
It is one of the most effective routes to unhappiness that
exists.
Second Take things seriously.
Very seriously.
Very..
very seriously.
And take them personally Keep yourself distant and unapproachable.
You don’t want to spend time with those inferior, inadequate, stupid or unpleasant
people, which by the way should be everyone in your eyes, just judge them as soon as you
see them and then remember keep your distance.
If you happen to be with someone and have to spend some time with them, complain.
Complain about anything and everything.
Complain about the weather, about noise, about your neighbors, and my favourite complain
about the government and the system.
Mhh sweet.
Third There are three times that matter.
The past the future and the present.
Yeeeah..
Wwe don’t need the present.
Because you should spend most of your day thinking and living in the past reminding
yourself how bad things were, and in the evening try to think and worry about the future, about
things that will most likely never happen, but still, you don’t want to waste your
day without worrying.
So play some scenarios in your head, play the “what if” game.
I mean what if you can’t find a job after college?
And if you get sick?
What if you fail your exams next week?
And for bonus points try to do this right before going to bed so you can maximize the
misery from it.
Think of something that might happen tomorrow, something bad, let your mind consume that.
Now roll over and slide gently off to sleep.
Good luck with that.
Fourth One of the best ways to be miserable is to
relinquish your goals altogether, thus becoming utterly directionless.
But if, like many people, misery is not your only goal, then you can dissatisfy yourself
with the way you approach your various missions.
Instead of setting SMART goals which stand for Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic
and Time-Defined.
Set all of your immediate goals VAPID: Vague, Amorphous, Pie in the Sky, Irrelevant and
Delayed.
Most ultimate goals are a long way off— and If you allow yourself to focus on the
smaller steps, you will frequently find that you have succeeded.
This runs the risk of increasing your enthusiasm to continue on the path you set for yourself.
Soo, be sure to never do that.
Instead, stubbornly attend to the ultimate goal.
If there are fifty steps in the process, you will get forty-nine identical answers of
“Not Yet.”
That way you can maintain the aura of failure for almost the entire journey.
This will make sure that your interest and motivation degrades, and you are likely to
give up long before you reach the finish line.
Fifth And finally
Let fear paralyze you, and please do not leave your comfort zone.
If you have the urge to do something new or make a change in your life, immediately stop
and let it pass.
Simply obey your impulses.
If your impulses say that you should avoid dogs, heights, people, talking to your crush,
enclosed spaces, traveling, asking questions, relationships, airplanes, tests, medical exams,
job interviews, and all potential humiliations.
Than do exactly that.
Avoid them at all costs.
We don’t want any kind of novelty or risks.
Stop growing, stop wanting more, stop doing stuff and wait for the perfect moment.
Just lean back, be passive and let the time pass by.
You will do those scary things when you feel like it.
You know, maybe that’s a good idea.
Yeah, maybe.. maybe you’ll do better in the next life.