I have a question about the warrior mentality I recently was dumped on a
deployment and it's difficult now that I am home
stateside how does a warrior handle this is it like any other emotional loss I'm
trying to use this loss and get after it and improve myself mentally and
physically I'm not sure how to properly submit questions to the podcast all
right so the Dear John letter the old classic Dear John letter and so you know
agree sometimes you can keep it at bay when you're deployed but then when you
get home and you get back to the places the familiar places where you have the
met specific memories that's that's where the pain start to come in and
that's fine you know that's that hurts that's we get that but in my opinion
I've said this before the person that you built in your mind the person that
you had a relationship with that you built in your mind that person doesn't
actually exist they're not real they're not real she wasn't who she appeared to
be and she isn't who she appeared to be she isn't the sweet understanding fun
person that you cared so much about that's not her that's your memory that's
what you built in your head she is actually the selfish self-centered
person that cares about herself first and doesn't care about you that's the
reality and that's fine but a lot of times the pain that we feel isn't based
on the reality it's based on the fantasy so you're feeling pain of losing
something that wasn't real so let the fantasy go remember that she is not the
perfect person that you built in your mind period she's not otherwise we
wouldn't be in this situation right now and then move on brother get after it
work out train hard go to jujitsu hike run of play guitar just get after it
and those things not only gonna distract from the pain which is good they're
gonna improve you as a human being which is good and they're to rebuild your
confidence which is good they're gonna make you feel good they're gonna make
you stronger and smarter and better and put you into a place where you don't
need that little made-up fantasy anymore and they're gonna put you in a place
we're gonna find something badder than the fantasy now I'm gonna tell you right
now the fantasies don't exist the perfect girl or guy for you doesn't
exist they don't exist so you're gonna be out
looking for someone that's good but you're not gonna find perfect don't get
obsessed with finding perfect if you find someone that's perfect it's not
true everyone's got their flaws so that's what you have to do and you will
end up finding someone that's real and I get it man I know you're gonna have some
moments down in the hole as Alison chains put it or trapped in the
heart-shaped box as Nirvana put it or so lonesome you could cry as Hank Williams
senior put it is that you notice a theme here this is what people go through but
those feelings of they're temporary so let them say hi let them hang around for
a minute or for half an hour or an hour or whatever and then kick them out kick
those feelings out get them out of there and go do something else
take your mind away from those memories of fantasies and put build some good
memories that are real then yeah you know what you can use your anger and
your frustration to fuel positivity for sure I spent much of my youth doing that
very thing for sure all those breakups yeah I turned those things into in the
fuel and the other thing I'm gonna use if if
you take action with your body your minds gonna follow and pretty soon
you'll be on to the next chapter and you can move beyond this bad fantasy chapter
that you kind of got roped into girls man I can teach you every time if you
let him it's so hard to I'm with there's so many times you know because when I
was a assistant platoon commander platoon commander at asking the
commander what I was doing right but more in the earlier phases right because
once I was you know what to ask you to commander I was dealing with a lot less
those those problems that would come to me on a relationship level would be
something big you know divorce custody of children yeah some kind of domestic
violence scenario like real things but when I was younger and I was in a seal
platoon that's when you're dealing with guys going through the breakup with the
girl and that you know the method messing with my head yeah it's messing
with my head man yeah of course every guy goes through that me you ever
that's the way it is you get that weird thing kicking around in there and you
start getting crazy and what's so funny is what's so funny is when you're on the
outside of it it's so like when you're in the heart-shaped box yourself and you
just can't see anything else it's just devastating and everyone that's looking
at you is like bro let's just go to the bargain night you meet 17 new girls
tonight yeah but I fight back no it's not I
remember I kind of had a this is kind of evil but I had a kind of a standard
response to guys when they'd say you know hey you know I broke up with
Jennifer last night I made sweet man let's let's roll
I would always and I even carried that honestly this is like not something I
don't think I do anymore but even when guys who would be like came in me and
Jennifer getting divorced I back oh right on bro that's let's rock and roll
you know I kind of and part of it was just to kind of spin it like guys man
it's not that you need to you know you don't just wallow in it right you're
getting divorced okay here's what you needed to do here's how you maneuver but
you know what are you gonna do you're gonna get dragged down by that into that
mire or you're gonna you know salvage what you can of your life and let's move
on let's rock and roll yeah so that's again it might be a
little harsh I don't know that I would still have that react maybe with maybe
fall still in the Jews you know and most and 99 I had one guy that that that in I
probably said that too we have a high divorce rate in the single team so yeah
ii 85 90 percent divorce rate so I've said this to quite a few individuals
over there I only had one that ever kind of you know was was like no man you
don't get it and then I said no I said you get it mmm you don't get it
yeah and it always is a little rougher when there's kids involved and all that
so that would put another little horrible spin on it but the bottom line
is that is a good attitude to have hey broke up with my girl right on I'm
glad I got out of this relationship before it developed into something where
I did have hooks in me financial hooks children yeah all those things I made it
out scot-free you know I'm getting divorced
oh you have any kids no okay rock and roll yeah you got kids okay well how's
it gonna go you know what are you put in line yeah you know so yeah definitely
hard here's the question have you ever gotten your heart broken
a negative you haven't straight-up even of course I I was I was a boy boys get
their heart broken win-win tell me you know 10 11 I'm 21
ish time cuz you know when you're 10 it's like okay 15 14 17 13 I mean I
think once I was obscene once I was in the SEAL Teams that kind of had that
coping mechanism yeah yeah gotta be hard yeah and the girls are like mmm yeah you
know you gotta you gotta just kind of
but the other young that's you know the younger days for sure every guy goes
through that and that's what that's what's hard and you know what I'm saying
guys specifically but the girls are the same way both guys and girls go through
these two horrible breakups when you and and and this is the other thing that we
got to realize as parents when you're 16 years old
we you know I look at my 15 16 17 year old daughters right as they were growing
up and and I think oh they got a boyfriend
whatever he'll be this guy is meaningless in their lives i factually
know that these guys are meaningless in terms of the broad spectrum of their
life yeah but guess what when you're 15 years old and you got a boyfriend that
is your whole life yeah and so when something goes sideways I had to say oh
I had to remember that myself when I saw my daughter's distraught over something
I'd say okay here's what's going on this is her whole life and I tried to explain
to him this guy I understand that you like him and then he was good and blah
blah blah but you know let's remember you're only 15 and there you know you're
gonna meet another nice guy and other there'll be other opportunities and blah
blah blah but the of course it barely barely gets through to their head yeah
belief they can't even imagine and no certain is different I know because he's
the best no and so yeah yeah you're you're on that question restriction from
now on no bail I wanted her to know I think we all wanted to know