From a leopard hooked to pot to pleasuring oneself in a library, we count 30 more ridiculous
newspaper headlines.
30.
“Hospitals Resort to Hiring Doctors”
What have they been hiring, then?
The second headline just explains there are a shortage of physicians and there needs to
be some kind of move.
Nothing else.
29.
“Lawyers Back Despite Use of Bug Spray”
A prosecutor’s office was sprayed with pesticides after a swarm of wasps invaded the space,
which is what the article was about.
Maybe the person who wrote this headline could’ve mentioned the invading insects instead of
the bug spray.
Yeah, those pesky lawyers will ruin any camping trip or barbecue.
28.
“A deputy responded to a report of a vehicle stopping at mail boxes.
It was the mailman.”
There are no words that can describe what a line like this is doing in a news article.
Do people not know what a mail truck looks like?
Even if the mailman was out of uniform and driving a personal vehicle to deliver mail,
it still doesn’t seem newsworthy enough to include in a newspaper.
27.
“So far, they have determined that the crash occurred when the plane struck the ground…”
This line of an article was probably the result of the reporter either hurrying to meet a
deadline, or was just bad when it came to explaining events.
Despite how funny the line may be even though they’re reporting on a plane crash, it is
possible the plane crashed into something midair.
26.
“Leopard Hooked to Pot, But Not Stoned”
This article, about a young leopard that wandered into a village and got its head stuck in a
water pot, said that nobody approached it or harmed it – including throw stones.
But seriously, if you don’t think the pun in the headline is funny, seeing a leopard
with its head stuck in a pot has to be.
25.
“Being Bullied?
Just act less gay, advise teachers”
Unlike many headlines on this list, this particular one is exactly what teachers at an unnamed
school told students to do to lessen their chances of being bullied.
How… supportive.
Messages like these make you wonder why bullying and being gay are such issues these days.
24.
“Woman Missing Since She Got Lost”
It sounds like the writer of this article was given a word count to aim for by the editor,
and just added a few unnecessary words.
“Woman Missing” would be a good headline, because it would capture the reader’s attention,
plus sums up the article well.
23.
“Fish Need Water, Feds Say” While it’s unclear what this article is
about, it still sounds more like a line you would find in a children’s book instead
of a newspaper.
And, in recent news, water was found to be wet.
22.
“City Council runs out of time to discuss shorter meetings”
The city council for Laguna Beach, California, were tired of adjourning their meetings in
the early morning hours.
Part of their agenda was going to be a discussion of holding shorter council meetings, but it
appears as though other important issues came up.
Sounds like the real issue here is newsworthiness, thanks to a possibly slow news day.
21.
“Clinton licks Beavers”
This article about a high school basketball game, where Clinton High School defeated the
opposing team known as the “Beavers”.
They could’ve used a different word than ‘licks’, such as ‘beats’… though
now it sounds like an article about animal cruelty.
20.
“Animal-rights group to hold meeting at steakhouse”
Out of all the places these animal rights activists in Montana could have held their
meeting, this is where they chose to have it?
The article went on to mention that the group hoped to teach others to live a “cruelty-free”
life which included not eating meat.
19.
“Prisoner serving 2,000-year sentence could face more time”
A jury will decide if the man, serving time for kidnapping and murder, will face the death
penalty or more time in prison.
Instead, maybe let him have the possibility of parole after, say, the first 1,000 years?
At least this kidnapper and murderer is behind bars and – hopefully – will be for the
rest of his life.
18.
“Nudists fight erection of towers near Wreck Beach”
This is just wrong.
They could’ve used another word, like maybe ‘construction’ or ‘building’?
You can’t blame reporters and editors for trying to write more noticeable headlines
but, again, this is just… wrong.
17.
“Report of unresponsive man at Malden Casket Company”
When writing this news brief, the writer should have elaborated on where the unresponsive
man was found.
It’s more likely that this man wasn’t found in a casket, but then again that is
only speculation as it doesn’t go into any more details.
16.
“Barbershop singers bring joy to school for deaf”
Unless there were a group of sign language interpreters on the stage with the singers,
signing everything that was sung by the singers, it’s ridiculous – and maybe even a bit
insensitive – to put on a musical show for a bunch of deaf students.
It’s unclear if the singers did anything else for the students, besides sing various
songs that they couldn’t hear.
15.
“Students cook and serve grandparents”
Some students served and cooked a pancake breakfast for visiting grandparents who were
at their school for Grandparents Day.
What was the special ingredient in the pancakes?
Was this a special school for cannibals?
14.
“Masturbator ‘yanked’ from library”
Unlike the other headlines on this list, this particular reporter was well-aware of the
words she wanted to use.
It’s everything a good headline should be… it summarizes the article and catches the
reader’s attention.
But, while funny, it’s still a little inappropriate.
13.
“Wal-Mart: Police receive a report of a newborn infant found in a trash can.
Upon investigation, officers discover it was only a burrito.”
Mistaking a piece of Mexican food for a baby is perhaps the epitome of ridiculous.
It’s not clear if it was just a prank call, or if the caller was under the influence of
something and honestly mistook a burrito for a baby.
This is something you would probably find on satirical websites, such as “The Onion”.
12.
“Parents keep kids home to protest school closure”
The reporter who wrote this headline forgot to include the word “possible” between
“protest” and “school”, because the article tells about the parents of 200 San
Franciscan schoolchildren who kept them at home to protest the planned closure of the
school.
If “possible” would have been included, then it probably would’ve implied the parents
were contributing to their child’s truancy.
11.
“Bridges help people cross rivers”
While the headline does summarize what the article is about – education about different
bridges, such as how they are constructed and where to find certain ones – still reads
like another piece of information found in a children’s book.
The article doesn’t appear to be much of a news-oriented article, as it reads more
like something from Wikipedia.
10.
“Homeless man under house arrest”
Somebody who doesn’t understand the concept of “being homeless”.
Even though the court acknowledged that this man doesn’t have a home, the judge ordered
he remain on a particular section of sidewalk for a certain period of time.
Local police even made sure he was “tucked in” every night.
9.
“Man arrested after cops spot suspiciously small package in his undies”
This is why reporters and editors should come up with their own headlines.
It was later revealed by the then-editor that the headline was taken from a press release
issued by the police.
The man referred to in the headline, as it turned out, had a bad of amphetamines stuffed
in his pants.
8.
“Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs”
The headline came from what appeared to be an educational column written by an educator.
It’s not clear what the article itself was about, but the headline does kind of come
across as condescending, considering how it was written by an educator.
7.
“Planes forced to land at airports”
Another headline that might make a reader exclaim “no kidding!”, this article began
talking about two smaller planes that were chased out of a restricted airspace by two
fighter jets.
While nothing more is known about the article says, it sounds like the smaller planes were
forced to land at airports other than their own.
It’s hard to tell, thanks to the vague headline.
6.
“Lawn mower: Tends to catch fire but put out easily with garden hose, $30…”
This classified ad doesn’t specify whether this lawn mower comes with a garden hose.
Of course, that’s doubtful.
The ad is so ridiculous that it sounds more like a joke.
5.
“Drunk drivers fail blow job test”
Another reporter who was probably trying to meet the deadline.
In addition, it’s called a “breathalyzer” test.
Sounds like this reporter had either just graduated from college, was an intern, or
knew the test was called a “breathalyzer” but just has a dirty sense of humor.
4.
Have you seen this man?
He’s been described as wearing a black facemask, hood, and large sunglasses.
Another newspaper blurb that is so ridiculous that it almost seems like a joke, but to the
right of the police sketch it appears to be a humorless article about a criminal.
3.
“Illiteracy an obstable, study finds”
Mistakes happen in writing, which is why many newspapers and magazines employ copyeditors…
except for this one, apparently.
The researchers involved in the study were just lent a hand by this newspaper in proving
their point.
2.
“Patriots Beat Cocks…”
One of the writers for “The Patriot”, a student newspaper, came up with a funny
headline when writing an article about a baseball game where a team at Francis Marion University
beat the South Carolina Gamecocks.
With a team name like “Gamecocks”, it’s hard not to be ridiculed.
1.
“Researchers: Overeating can set stage for obesity”
The headline here is an accurate description of what the article is essentially about…
how people gain weight by overeating.
The article itself is interesting, but the headline states a fact that most of us already
know about how weight can be gained.