Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink. Today, we are going to learn about 7 habits that make you
irresistible. Now, let’s begin.
Quiet Confidence Not every kind of confidence
is attractive. Arrogance, for example, is a common turn-off for both men and women.
It’s difficult to take someone seriously when they’re bragging about their success
or boasting about their accomplishments. You don’t want to hear about how much money someone
makes or what kind of car they drive. But you do want them to be confident in themselves.
You want them to be proud of their achievements, and secure in who they are.
This is called quiet confidence. If you are a quietly confident person,
other people can feel your confidence, even if no one puts a label on it.
Because you don’t need to be recognized or praised to feel good about yourself.
You’re not desperate for someone else to validate your choices, achievements, or triumphs. Instead,
you supply that validation all on your own. In other words, you’re happy with and secure
in the person that you are, and that happiness creates a strong aura of confidence around you.
So keep your humble-brags and success stories to yourself. The most irresistible people are
confident without saying a word. The Social Leader
Irresistible people are leaders, not just in the workplace, but in their social circles.
They’re not afraid to make the first move. They’re not afraid to talk to a stranger,
try something new, or take a risk. In other words, they believe in themselves. They believe
in their ability to do what others cannot, and that makes them incredibly attractive.
If you want to be irresistible, overcome your fears. Don’t sit on the sidelines
wondering what could go wrong. Don’t hide inside your comfort zone, hoping
someone else will make the first move for you. Because they won’t. If you don’t take the lead,
no one else will. If you aren’t willing to make a change, take a risk, or create a connection,
there’s a good chance none of those things will ever happen.
This is true in all aspects of your life—in the workplace, in pursuit of your goals,
and in conversations with strangers. Irresistible people are trend-setters and path-pavers.
They don’t wait for someone else to give them permission to do something they want to do.
It may be asking another person if they’d like to dance. It may volunteer for something when
everyone else is too afraid to step forward. In every environment, attractive and confident
people believe in themselves, no matter who is watching. And that mindset is irresistible.
Imaginary Rejection Before you can take the lead,
there’s one bad habit that’s going to stand in your way. You may summon the courage to
cross a boundary, overcome a fear, or take a risk, but do you believe in your ability
to succeed? Or do you expect yourself to fail? Irresistible people don’t expect to get rejected.
They know it’s a possibility. It’s always a possibility. But, if they are going to try
something new or risky, irresistible people believe they can overcome any challenge.
That belief empowers them to be confident and secure in their decisions.
You may not have the same faith in yourself. You may anticipate failure,
but that mindset leads you down a destructive path. If you don’t have faith in yourself, you may
accidentally bring your worst nightmares to life. In other words, when you expect rejection, you’re
more likely to be rejected. When it happens, you might think, “I was right to expect the worst.”
But the problem isn’t the rejection itself. It’s your mindset. It’s your
negative expectations. When you expect to fail, you lower your chances of finding success.
People can tell when you don’t believe in yourself. It’s written all over your face.
On the other hand, if you believe you’re capable of anything, people will find your confidence
irresistible. But this attractive and confident mindset starts with you. It’s your responsibility
to empower and support yourself. So make a habit of believing in yourself, and others will follow.
The Heart of the Conversation When you approach someone you like, you want
to make an attractive first impression. Right off the bat, you want the other person to think, “wow,
this is someone I want to get to know.” But how do you make such a strong impression on a complete
stranger? How do turn those awkward opening lines into an irresistible first impression?
What do you do when you meet someone for the first time? You engage in polite,
surface-level conversation called small talk. Many people complain about how much they don’t
like small talk. They say it’s rigid, formal, and uncomfortable. You introduce yourselves.
You talk about the weather. You exchange formalities back and forth. And that’s about it.
The kind of small talk might work in the office or at a conference, but if you want to make
an irresistible impression, you have to step up your game. Because standard small talk is boring.
If your conversation is boring, people are going to lose interest.
If you talk about the weather, you’re not going to leave the kind of impression you’re looking for.
If you’re awkward and formal, you’re not going to capture someone’s attention or steal
someone’s heart. Instead, you’ll have a forgettable conversation and make
a forgettable first impression. If you want to be irresistible,
and unforgettable, you need to turn your small talk into big talk. In other words, you need to
use those opening lines to your advantage. Don’t worry about “what you’re supposed
to say,” and create a real connection by opening the conversation on a high note.
Irresistible people leave attractive first impressions by creating those
intimate connections in seconds. They talk to strangers like old friends, and they give you 100%
of their attention. In that moment, you are the only person they care about.
And that makes you feel heard and special. If you’re connecting with someone new,
skip the awkward small talk. Don’t talk about the news or the weather. Instead, get the good part.
Establish a meaningful connection right away, because that connection can make you irresistible.
The Irresistible Listener Irresistible people lead
almost every conversation, but they don’t spend the whole time talking. In fact,
irresistible people often keep their mouths shut. They don’t control the conversation
by talking the other person’s ear off. Instead, they direct the conversation from topic to topic.
Irresistible people ask good questions and prompt the other person to tell stories,
because best conversationalists know how powerful a good question can be. These people are fun
and engaging to talk to, because they devise interesting, personal questions that lead
the conversation in exciting, new directions. If you want to be irresistible, practice coming
up with great questions. You don’t have to talk for hours. You don’t have to transform yourself
into a bubbly or passionate storyteller. But you do need to take a real interest in the other
person and listen closely. If you’re actively listening, good questions will pop into your head.
Ask the other person about something you didn’t understand. Or let them elaborate on something
that they’re excited about. Irresistible listeners use this foolproof strategy on a regular basis,
because a handful of good questions can make you the most attractive person in the room.
Expressing Vulnerabilities Do you honestly express yourself
around other people? Many of us neuter our personalities in social situations.
We tone down our excitement, stifle our happiness, and pretend like nothing phases us.
But your cool, calm, and collected demeanor doesn’t attract others that you think.
Instead of attracting other people with your go-with-the-flow attitude, you’re pushing people
away. The truth is… people want you to care. They want you to get excited. They want you to show
your feelings, because your vulnerability opens the door for a mutual connection
Irresistible people aren’t afraid to be vulnerable. They show their emotions.
They express their genuine concerns, and they take a real interest in the people around them.
They aren’t always the coolest person in the room. Or the most level-headed. But
they’re often the most attractive, because they’re vulnerable, approachable, and honest. They’re the
kind of people you can be yourself around, because they act the same way around you.
So express your vulnerabilities. Stop trying to play yourself down. Irresistible people
let their emotions show, because it’s those emotions that make you attractive.
Shifting Your Perspective Can you read people’s moods, body language, and
vocal tones? You might think this a complicated thing to do. If you’re trying to decipher tiny,
subtle details, it can be; however, most people send pretty obvious signals that anyone can read,
as long as you know what to look for. A friend or partner may not vocalize
their feelings, but those feelings are often expressed through physical signals,
facial expressions, and body movements. For example, let’s say you ask your friend
how they’re feeling. They say they’re doing alright, but the bags under their eyes, the slump
in their spine, and the anxious shaking of their leg tells you otherwise. While it’s important to
listen to what someone says, you should always consider the messages their body is sending.
But why does this make you more attractive? What does
body language have to do with being irresistible? Paying attention to other people’s body language
gradually changes your perspective in a way that’s irresistible to others. Before you pay
detailed attention to someone else, you have to shift your attention away from yourself.
In other words, paying attention to others teaches you to look outward—to observe the people around
you and understand how they’re feeling. Irresistible people are some of the least
self-centered individuals you’ll ever meet. They rarely worry about the things they say or the
way they look, because they’re more concerned with others. They’ve changed their perspective.
They’ve learned to read, understand, and connect with the world around them. And that
skillset makes them irresistible. Thank you for watching TopThink,
and be sure to subscribe, because more incredible content is on the way.