>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW"!
MY NAME IS JON STEWART! GOOD SHOW!
MY GUEST TONIGHT, AUTHOR JENNY NORDBERG, SHE IS THE AUTHOR OF A
BOOK CALLED "THE UNDERGROUND GIRLS OF KABUL."
SHE WILL BE JOINING US A LITTLE BIT LATER.
BUT FIRST, NEW YORK CITY HOSTED THE BIGGEST CLIMATE CHANGE MARCH
IN HISTORY YESTERDAY FEATURING THE BIGGEST HAT
AND THE BIGGEST SIGN AND THE BIGGEST KINDEST
PUPPET LIBRARIAN AND THE BIGGEST PAIN IN THE ASS
TO GET ACROSS THE STREET JUST TO GET TO CHIPOTLE.
>> THERE WERE BOLD FACED NAMES.
FORMER VICE PRESIDENT AL GORE, MAYOR BILL DeBLASIO, AND U.N.
SECRETARY GENERAL BAN KI-MOON.
>> Jon: WHOA! WHOA!
STOP THE PARADE!
BAN KI-MOON?
THE BIGGEST CLIMATE CHANGE IN HISTORY.
WHAT DID YOU COME STRAIGHT FROM YOUR AUDITION FROM
"YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN"?
LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE WEARING YOUR CAMP CLOTHES?
YOU'RE BAN KI-MOON! YOU'RE THE HEAD OF THE U.N.
BY THE WAY, WHAT A GET FOR
U.N. RADIO.
U.N. RADIO GETTING BAN KI-MOON.
NO, NO, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU.
OH! HELLO.
(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, POLITICIAN WEREN'T
THE ONLY BIG SHOTS ON HAND. THERE WERE A-LIST MOVIE
STARS LIKE MARK RUFFALO AND EDWARD NORTON, BOTH
HAVE BECOME ACUTELY AWARE OF ENVIRONMENTAL DANGERS SINCE
THEIR ENCOUNTERS WITH GAMMA RADIATION. THEY REALLY HAD...
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
>> Jon: WITH THAT SIZE IN STAR POWER, YOU KNOW CABLE NEWS GAVE
IT EVERYTHING THEY HAVE.
>> ALISON KOSIK IS IN NEW YORK. DESCRIBE THE SCENE FOR US
EARLIER. >> EARLIER?
IT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING AS WE SPEAK.
(LAUGHTER) >> Jon: PERHAPS IT'S HAPPENING
RIGHT NOW.
PERHAPS YOU CAN TELL BY THE FACT THAT NOBODY CAN SEE ME IN MY OWN
NEWS REPORT.
COME ON, CNN!
THIS IS CROWD FOOTAGE 101!
YOU PUT THE REPORTER IN FRONT OF THE CROWD!
MSNBC, SHOW THEM HOW IT'S DONE.
>> LET'S HEAD THERE NOW. WE HAVE NED RESNIKOFF WHO'S STAND BY --
>> Jon: [BLEEP]! OH, JESUS!
NOT THAT FAR!
COME ON!
(LAUGHTER) KILL THE FEED!
GOT A GIANT METEOR APPROACHING THE PARADE!
AHHH! (LAUGHTER)
WITH YESTERDAY'S SOUP IN HIS STASH!
(LAUGHTER)
ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU MAY BE THINKING, DO WE REALLY NEED A
MARCH TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE?
I MEAN, IT'S AN ACCEPTED SCIENTIFIC PHENOMENON PRETTY
MUCH EVERYWHERE.
HERE'S WHY YOU NEED THE MARCH.
IT'S ACCEPTED PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE BUT THIS ONE PLACE
CALLED THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES COMMITTEE ON
SCIENCE, SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY.
THIS IS TRUE.
LAST WEEK THEY HELD A HEARING THAT THEY APPARENTLY RECORDED IN
1971 -- (LAUGHTER)
I GUESS THAT'S THE TECHNOLOGY PART OF THE COMMITTEE NAME -- ON
PRESIDENT OBAMA'S PLAN TO SHRINK CARBON EMISSIONS 30% BY 2030.
THE HEARINGS' SISYPHUS, PRESIDENTIAL SCIENCE ADVISOR
JOHN HOLDREN, CHARGED WITH THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK OF
PUSHING 1 MILLION POUNDS OF IDIOT UP A MOUNTAIN.
OF COURSE, LIKE ANY AVALANCHE, IT DID BEGAN RATHER INNOCUOUSLY.
TEXAS REPUBLICAN STEVE STOCKMAN.
>> THE LEAD SCIENTIST AT NASA SAID THIS, HE SAID WHAT ENDED
THE ICE AGE WAS GLOBAL WOBBLING.
IS THE WOBBLING OF THE EARTH INCLUDED IN ANY OF YOUR
MODELINGS?
AND THE ANSWER WAS NO.
WHEN YOU HAVE A MODEL AND YOU SAY WE'LL LEAVE OUT THE MOST
IMPORTANT IMPACT OF THAT MODEL OUT OF OUR THEORY AND NOT TALK
ABOUT GLOBAL WOBBLING, HOW CAN YOU MAKE PROJECTIONS?
(LAUGHTER) >> Jon: WHAT'S UP, SCIENTISTS?
GLOBAL WOBBLING, BITCHES!
(LAUGHTER) HE SEES YOUR SO-CALLED GLOBAL
WARMING AND RAISES YOU A GLOBAL WOBBLING.
EXPLAIN THAT DR. WHITE HOUSE.
>> GLOBAL WOBBLING WHICH REFERS TO CHANGES IN THE EARTH'S
TILT AND ORBIT TAKES PLACE ON CHARACTERISTIC TIME SCALES OF
22,000 YEARS, 44,000 YEARS AND 100,000 YEARS. IT IS VERY SLOW.
GLOBAL WOBBLES IS A TINY EFFECT OF THE TIME SCALE OF 100 YEARS
IN WHICH WE TRY TO RUN THESE MODELS.
>> Jon: I DIDN'T KNOW WE WOULD BE TALKING TO AN ACTUAL
SCIENTIST...
(WHISPERING) ALL RIGHT, HOLDREN, YOU ACED
THE WOBBLE WARMING.
RIDDLE ME THIS:
>> AT WHAT POINT A LEVEL OF CO2 DOES CO2 BECOME DAMAGING?
AT WHAT LEVEL DOES IT BECOME HARMFUL TO HUMAN BEINGS?
>> Jon: BOOM! HOW CAN CO2 BE DANGEROUS WHEN I CAN STILL
BREATHE?
>> VICE CHAIRMAN ROHRABACHER, I ALWAYS ENJOY MY INTERACTIONS
WITH YOU.
>> Jon: MUCH THE WAY ONE ENJOYS PLAYING PEEK A BOO WITH A
BABY. (LAUGHTER)
>> Jon: OR PERHAPS TEASING A CAT WITH A LASER POINTER!
(LAUGHTER) >> I HAVE TO SAY WITH RESPECT
THAT'S A RED HERRING.
WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN CARBON DIOXIDE CONCENTRATIONS BECAUSE
OF THEIR DIRECT EFFECT ON HUMAN HEALTH, WE'RE INTERESTED IN THEM
BECAUSE OF THEIR EFFECT ON THE WORLD'S CLIMATE AND CLIMATE
CHANGE HAS DISASTEROUS EFFECTS ON HEALTH.
>> Jon: WHY CAN WE STILL BREATHE?
THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING! I MEAN, YOU CAN HEAR ME RIGHT?
I'M BREATHING!
AND IT GOT MORE AMAZING AS IT WENT.
INDIANA'S LARRY BUSCHON.
>> IT'S NOT ABOUT AFFECTING THE GLOBAL TEMPERATURE AND CLIMATE
CHANGE.
>> THERE IS PUBLIC COMMENTS OUT THERE THAT QUESTION HAS BEEN
ASKED AND ANSWERED SAYING NO.
>> YOU SHOULD LOOK AT THE SCIENTIFIC LITERATURE RATHER
THAN THE PUBLIC COMMENTS.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
>> Jon: WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, REPRESENTATIVE
BUSCHON, I SUGGEST YOU GET THE JOURNAL OF APPLIED
METEOROLOGY AND CLIMATOLOGY AS
OPPOSED TO THE YOU TUBE COMMENT FEED OF OBUMMERLIES1776.
BUT HERE'S WHERE BUSCHON FINALLY GIVES AWAY THE GAME.
>> OF ALL THE CLIMATOLOGISTS WHOSE CAREER DEPENDS ON THE
CLIMATE CHANGING TO KEEP THEMSELVES PUBLISHING ARTICLES,
YES, I COULD READ THAT BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE IT.
>> Jon: I DO NOT BELIEVE THE SCIENTISTS BECAUSE IT IS THEIR
PROFESSION NOT THEIR HOBBY. (LAUGHTER)
WELL SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE INFLUENCE MONEY MIGHT HAVE
ON CLIMATE CHANGE OPINION, IT TURNS OUT REPRESENTATIVE
BUSCHON'S THREE BIGGEST CAMPAIGN DONORS ARE MURRAY ENERGY,
KOCH ENTERPRISES, AND PEABODY ENERGY. AND TRUST ME.
(AUDIENCE REACTS) TRUST ME, THOSE THREE WELL
FUNDED COMPANIES WOULD LOVE TO DISPROVE CLIMATE CHANGE.
TO THE SATISFACTION OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY AT
LARGE. SO IF SCIENTISTS COULD BE BOUGHT THESE MOTHER [BLEEP]
WOULD HAVE ALREADY MADE IT RAIN IN NERD TOWN. TRUST ME.
AND AGAIN, I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
THIS IS THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES COMMITTEE ON
SCIENCE, SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY.
>> HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR THE SEA LEVEL TO RISE TWO FEET?
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT, IF YOUR ICE CUBE MELTS IN YOUR GLASS, IT
DOESN'T OVERFLOW, IT'S DISPLACEMENT. I MEAN,
THESE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT
MATHEMATICALLY AND SCIENTIFICALLY DON'T MAKE SENSE.
>> Jon: ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?
ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW -- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT!
HOW FAR BACK TO THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CORE CURRICULUM DO WE
HAVE TO GO TO GET SOMEONE ON THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON SCIENCE,
SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY CAUGHT UP?
DO WE HAVE TO BRING OUT THE PAPIER MACHE AND BAKING SODA SO
YOU CAN MAKE A (BLEEP) VOLCANO? IS THAT WHAT WE HAVE TO DO?
IS THAT HOW BASIC THE SCIENCE CLASS WAS WHEN YOU WENT?
NAH, I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THIS ANYMORE. FOR GOD'S SAKES!
LOOK, HERE -- HERE, LOOK.
HERE'S A GLASS OF ICE WATER.
HEY, THAT ICE ISN'T MAKING THE WATER OVERFLOW BECAUSE IT'S
ALREADY IN THE WATER!
BUT IMAGINE THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER ICE THAT'S NOT IN
THE WATER, IT'S ON THE LAND -- YOU KNOW, THE PART WHERE THE
WATER ISN'T!
AND THEN WHEN TEMPERATURES RISE AND THE LAND ICE MELTS ENOUGH,
TO FALL IN, OH, (BLEEP)!
IT'S EVERYWHERE!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WAIT A MINUTE.
GLOBAL WARMING, GIANT TOWELS.
(LAUGHTER) ULTIMATELY, THE WHOLE INCREDIBLE
AND BY ALL AAPPEARANCES WILLFUL MISUNDERSTANDING OF HOW
THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD HAS BEEN APPLIED TO CLIMATE CHANGE MODELS
AND WHAT THE EFFECTS OF WARMING CAN BE, PARDON THE
PUN, BOILED DOWN TO THIS EXCHANGE.
>> THAT SCARE TACTICS LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW, IS REALLY APPALLING TO
ME TO USE MEDICAL INFORMATION TO SCARE PARENTS THAT THEIR
CHILDREN ABOUT ASTHMA ATTACKS AND SCARE PEOPLE SAYING THAT
THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE HEART ATTACKS.
I ARGUE THAT WE SHOULD ALL ON BOTH SIDES OF THIS DISCUSSION
AVOID SCARE TACTICS.
>> Jon: FIRST OF ALL, THERE AREN'T BOTH SIDES TO THE
DISCUSSION. WHAT HE'S BASICALLY SAYING IS
IT'S UNFAIR TO TALK TO US ABOUT THE SCIENTIFIC
AND MEDICAL CONSEQUENCES OF OUR ACTIONS BECAUSE THEY'RE SCARY
AND WE REALLY DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT ANYWAY
SO FROM NOW ON WHY NOT AGREE THAT SCIENCE AND THE OIL
INDUSTRY BOTH HAVE OPINIONS.
OH, AND BEFORE YOU TELL YOUR KIDS TO WASH THEIR HANDS AFTER
THEY TAKE A (BLEEP) SO THEY DON'T SPREAD DISEASE, MAYBE WE
SHOULD SPEND AN EQUAL AMOUNT OF TIME HEARING FROM BIG FECAL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.