You know, honesty is something that we often regard as a good thing, right?
We want our friends to be honest,
Anna: What do you think. Is it too much?
Kelly: That outfit should be burned.
Because it's so lit!
[laughter]
We want our partners to be honest.
Anna: Kelly, um, I want to tell you something. Ugh, I'm so nervous.
Um,
I've never said this to anyone before, but.
I love you.
Kelly: Oh my god. Anna, are you serious?
Anna: Yes!
Kelly: Oh my god, thank you!
I don't love you, but,
You're great.
Anna: [quietly] Okay.
But sometimes when people are speaking their truth, it feels cruel.
I was at a gals dinner when a friend said to me,
Kelly: Anna, don't get too drunk. You're a loud drunk,
and I don't want to have to move.
And, I mean she's not wrong!
When I get drunk I get really loud,
I mean to my credit, most people do,
but it felt so mean to me in the moment, even though I know
she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, because it was like
what was I supposed to say? You know, how was I supposed to react?
There was no way for me to continue the night without just
sitting still, and shutting up, and feeling
like I can't have fun. And it made me wonder.
Where is the line between being honest and being mean?
I mean does it lie in a person's intention 'cause I had a guy say to me, verbatim
Guy: Yo, do you like to take a shit before
I ate you out yesterday, 'cause your pussy smelled like shit.
And that is by far, the cruelest fucking thing
anyone has ever said to me in my entire life.
Especially 'cause he knew I had issues with like letting people go near my vagina,
it was like, weird, and it's vulnerable, and it's scary,
So I was like, why would you say that to me?
And he genuinely didn't think he was being mean.
He thought that he was being honest and straightforward,
and that I would appreciate that.
Guy: What? I'm just being honest.
Isn't that what people do when they fall in love?
Now, we have all kinds of stupid horrible thoughts every day.
But that doesn't mean we should articulate every single one of them.
I mean, every time I have a knife in my hand, I think,
[voiceover] Wow, I could just go crazy and stab all of them right now.
And what would they do ? I could just take each of them down.
I mean, I won't 'cause I love them
But I totally could, their lives are in my hands, I could just stab and slash
and just blow them all away. Hmm.
But it's not like I'm gonna "be honest" and tell a bunch of people that.
Guys, isn't it crazy that I could just like, kill all of you right now?
Like, for real though. Like, none of you have any weapons,
I could just sprint at you Mary, and slit your throat,
[giggling] and stab you in the heart, Jenny,
and just like, slash at Kaitlyn,
and then rip Melissa's face off, like [laughs]
[laughing] And like, what would you do? A bunch of you would die.
Maybe sometimes we're using honesty as an excuse to be an asshole.
And I'm definitely guilty of this for sure, for sure I have done this.
But I genuinely want to stop. Like I don't ever want to unnecessarily hurt someone's feelings,
just because I feel like I have the right to be straight up with them.
And vice versa, if people are being honest with me,
I would hope that it comes from like a place of love like
someone's telling me that I'm probably dating someone abusive, or that, I'm maybe becoming an alcoholic
I don't want someone to tell me that in their opinion
I've done something wrong. Because my vagina did not smell like shit
and if it did, God forbid, you don't frickin say that to me.
So I encourage you to think about all the times that you've been honest,
and ask yourself, were you actually just being mean?
Are you ever honest when it's hard, when you have to tell someone
a truth that maybe they don't wanna hear, and you don't wanna tell them,
not just something that you don't like.
I'm Anna Akana, stay awesome Gotham.
Also, thank you so much to Kelly for being in today's video,
You can check out her channel here, she uploads every day, and is a kawaii ambassador.
Thanks Kelly!
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[laughs]
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[whispers] Squarespace.