Hot pans.
Sharp knives.
The always-terrifying mandoline.
Navigating the kitchen can sometimes feel like running a gauntlet of dangerous obstacles.
Lurking in every corner is a contraption just waiting to maim you in its own unique way,
leaving you running for some Neosporin and a bandaid - or sending you straight to the
emergency room.
Strap on your exploding NutriBullet-proof goggles and prep your palate for a taste of
the creepy-crawlies living in your Instant Pot - these are some of the kitchen appliances
at the frontlines of the anti-human revolution.
"Kill all humans.
Kill all humans.
Must kill all…"
"Bender, Wake up!"
Keurig machines
If you're like most people, your daily routine probably involves topping off the water that's
been chilling in the reservoir since you bought your trusty Keurig, popping in your K-cup,
and enjoying your cup of joe minutes later.
Chances are you probably don't take the time to clean the machine on the reg.
Let's be honest - you probably never clean it.
But your coffee tastes just as delicious as it always has, so what's the risk?
"You have no idea."
Well, Mold, to start.
And bacteria.
And yeast.
And, you know… roaches.
"Single-serve coffee brewers can be crawling with things that can make you sick."
That's right.
Everyone's least favorite disease-carrying insect could be making their home inside your
coffee maker.
It's the perfect environment for cockroaches who love the dark, warm, and damp environment
of the machine's water tank, which also happens to be the same environment mold, bacteria,
and yeast prefer.
So what do you do?
Before you chuck the whole thing, there's good news: You can rectify all these disgusting
situations by simply cleaning and disinfecting the machine regularly.
It might a pain, but at least your morning cup will be roach-free.
Immersion blenders
Nobody can argue the handiness of an immersion blender.
They save you the time of dragging out the big blender, and let you whiz up your condiments,
soups, and even smoothies right in their own pot.
Another plus?
They're super easy to clean… unless you forget to unplug it first.
The New York Times reported countless stories of home cooks slicing and dicing their fingers
while trying to dislodge food from the blades of their immersion blenders, and that's because
the power button has something of a hair trigger.
It's just a little too easy to turn it on while handling it - and if it's plugged in,
you're in trouble.
According to Consumer Reports, in 2015,
"More than 9,600 injuries occurred involving blenders.
Immersion blenders are great [...] but recent reports show that injuries are growing with
the use of those small appliances."
Yikes.
So, we guess the takeaway from this one is: Don't touch the blades if the machine is running
or plugged in.
"Duh-doyyy!"
Toasters
As if roaches in your Keurig weren't enough, you've got to worry about your toaster now,
too.
Hey, cockroaches have to eat, and what better place than that bottom tray where a three-course
meal of crumbs resides?
That tray is a common hiding place for those little buggers.
Keeping 'em away means cleaning your toaster and ensuring it's free of crumbs.
"But that's not all."
Toasters are a fire hazard, too.
Consumer Affairs reports that the small appliance has a history of catching fire, due to both
mechanical failure and an accumulation of crumbs in the bottom.
They recommend keeping it clean, and unplugging it when not in use, just to be safe.
And remember, if your toaster does catch fire, use a fire extinguisher, not water, or you
risk being shocked.
Slow cookers
Thanks to This Is Us, you might already be a little hesitant about plugging in the slow
cooker.
In the now infamous scene, a faulty Crock-Pot caught fire, burned down the Pearson house,
and led to Jack's death.
It also caused the masses to question the safety of their once favorite appliance.
"So, why is the episode causing a social media firestorm?
Some viewers are actually throwing out their crockpots, fearing they too will erupt in
flame."
Crock-Pot quickly released a statement ensuring consumers that there was nothing to worry
about, and that a faulty switch as portrayed in the show could not cause the unit to spontaneously
combust.
But - there's always a but, isn't there?
- there are other ways your slow cooker might pose a danger.
Frayed or broken cord?
That's a short circuit waiting to happen.
Aside from potential fire hazards, an old slow cooker might not heat properly, leaving
your foods in the danger zone when it comes to bacteria.
According to the USDA, the temperature range of a functioning machine should be between
170 and 280 degrees.
You can check your slow cooker by filling it half full with water and running it for
eight hours on low.
If the water temperature isn't 185 degrees at that point, it won't cook your dinner safely,
and that could lead to foodborne illness.
Trash that thang.
NutriBullets
Anyone who's ever watched late-night television is familiar with the magical NutriBullet.
But beware — there's one thing the infomercial might have forgotten to mention: Besides turning
all your favorite frozen fruits and veggies into a deliciously nutritious puree, your
beloved blender might also explode on you.
Dozens of people have claimed that while properly operating their NutriBullet, the contents
inside heated to a temperature high enough to cause the container to burst off its base.
The explosion sent hot liquids flying, resulting in burns to the hands and faces of its unsuspecting
users.
"She thinks it malfunctioned."
"Things happen, unfortunately, and it's not always the user's fault."
NutriBullet denied any wrongdoing in a statement, saying,
"Reports of blenders, which have operated normally for years, suddenly turning cool
ingredients into scalding hot mixtures after less than 20 seconds of normal operation are
perplexing and contrary to the hundreds of millions of uses by satisfied NutriBullet
customers worldwide."
Regardless of who's at fault here, is any smoothie worth a potential trip to the emergency
room?
"No, no, no.
No.
HELL no!"
Instant Pots
"Say it ain't so, Joe."
Everyone's favorite electric multicooker couldn't possibly have any flaws, could it?
Buckle your seatbelts… this one's going to give you nightmares.
Like most, you've probably fallen in love with the Instant Pot.
After all, it can do just about everything.
It can make breakfast, it can make dinner, it can even make yogurt.
It can also grow maggots in its condensation collector.
Yes, really.
And if you don't know where the condensation collector is, you're probably in real trouble.
This plastic cup collects the water that runs off the lid when opened.
If it's doing its job, it's probably moist and warm and contains some bits of food.
In other words: if you aren't cleaning the condensation collector thoroughly after each
use, you're inviting maggots to come party in your kitchen.
And that larvae, if ingested, can put you at risk of parasitic infections, gastrointestinal
problems, food poisoning, and allergic reactions.
So needless to say, it's probably best to keep them out of your Instant Pot.
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