REGGIE, HOW WAS YOUR LAST DAY OF THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY?
>> Reggie: OH, MAN, YOU KNOW, REALLY DEPRESSED AND SAD TO SEE
THAT ERA GO.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'VE GOT TO MAKE WAY FOR NEW STUFF, SO TODAY I CELEBRATED BY
HAVING A REALLY GREAT SESSION ON THE TREADMILL.
>> James: DID YOU?
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: HOW LONG DID YOU DO?
TIME OR DISTANCE.
>> Reggie: AN HOUR.
BUT I HAVE A HEART RATE MONITOR.
>> James: RUNNING?
>> Reggie: NO, NOT RUNNING.
TEN DEGREES UPHILL, ABOUT 145BPM.
>> James: WALKING.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: >> James: JUST WALKING ON THE
TREADER ♪ ♪ JUST WALKING ON TREADMILLS,
OH, YEAH ♪ ( LAUGHTER )
>> James: BUT, YEAH, GUYS, IT'S OFFICIAL.
TOMORROW, JOE BIDEN WILL BE SWORN IN AS THE 46TH PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) INCREDIBLE!
INCREDIBLE!
I'M GOING TO SAY, YOU HAD A GOOD RUN, MALARKEY,
BUT IT ENDS NOW!
( LAUGHTER ) IMAGINE HOW JOE BIDEN IS
FEELING RIGHT NOW.
HE HASN'T BEEN THIS EXCITED SINCE PEGGY-SUE ASKED HIM TO
SHARE A SARSAPARILLA AT THE SADIE HAWKINS DANCE.
JOE BIDEN WILL BECOME THE OLDEST PRESIDENT TO EVER TAKE THE OATH
OF OFFICE.
BIDEN'S 129-YEARS-OLD.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: JEESH.
>> James: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE.
DIDN'T KNOW.
THIS JUST PROVES YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS.
UNLESS YOU'RE IN LOS ANGELES AND OVER THE AGE OF 35.
AND IF YOU ARE, EWWWW.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT -- THANKS, SUSAN.
BUT UNLIKE PREVIOUS INAUGURATION DAYS, DONALD AND MELANIA TRUMP
WILL NOT BE ATTENDING THE CEREMONY OR MEETING WITH THE
BIDENS AT ANY POINT TOMORROW.
IT'S A REAL BREAK WITH TRADITION, BUT IT WILL RING IN A
NEW TRADITION OF ME NOT CARING WHERE TRUMP IS OR WHAT HE'S
DOING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
I'M EXCITED FOR THAT FEELING, AREN'T YOU?
>> Reggie: YES.
>> James: SO WHEN SOMEONE GOES, OH, HAVE YOU SEEN THE
NEWS, YOU CAN GO, I'M NOT BOTHERED, HE'S JUST A GUY, HE'S
JUST A MAN, HE'S JUST A BLOKE DOING SOME ( BLEEP ) OVER THER
AND I DON'T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
IN FLORIDA.
>> James: IN FLORIDA DOING SOMETHING AND YOU'RE, LIKE, I
DON'T CARE.
DON'T CARE WHAT HE'S DOING.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID?
DOESN'T MATTER.
IT'S IRRELEVANT.
IT'S A SHAME THEY DIDN'T MEET, THOUGH.
BECAUSE WITHOUT A MEETING, BIDEN WON'T
BE ABLE TO GET ALL OF TRUMP'S GREAT ADVICE ABOUT THE JOB.
ABOUT THAT SAND TRAP ON THE GREEN BY THE FIFTH.
THE WIND'S THE RIGHT WAY, YOU'RE IN THE SAND, TRYIG TO HINK YOUR
WAY OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS TRUE, THE LAST TIME A
PRESIDENT SKIPPED THE INAUGURATION WAS IN 1869.
AND JOE BIDEN SAID HE DIDN'T APPROVE OF IT BACK THEN, EITHER.
( LAUGHTER ) INSTEAD, PRESIDENT TRUMP
RELEASED A FAREWELL VIDEO MESSAGE THIS AFTERNOON.
AND HE MADE THIS URGENT PLEA TO JOE BIDEN:
>> THE WORLD RESPECTS US AGAIN.
PLEASE DON'T LOSE THAT RESPECT.
>> JAMES: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD HAS BEEN DOING THESE LAST
FOUR YEARS-- "RESPECTING US."
( LAUGHTER ) ALSO, PLEASE DON'T TALK SO
SLOWLY -- YOU'VE GOT PACKING TO DO.
( APPLAUSE ) BUT AT THE END TRUMP GOT A BIT
POETIC.
HAVE A LOOK.
>> I GO FROM THIS MAJESTIC PLACE WITH A LOYAL AND JOYFUL HEART
AND OPTIMISTIC SPIRIT AND A SUPREME CONFIDENCE THAT, FOR OUR
COUNTRY AND FOR OUR CHILDREN, THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
>> James: I AGREE.
MOSTLY BECAUSE THINGS COULDN'T GET WORSE.
THIS MARKS THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE HAS BEEN BOTH OPTIMISTIC
AND MOVING TO FLORIDA.
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
WELL, THIS IS CRAZY.
ACCORDING TO REPORTS, TRUMP IS NOW "FANTASIZING" ABOUT BUILDING
A $2-BILLION PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY AND MUSEUM IN FLORIDA.
I MEAN, TECHNICALLY, IT'LL BE THE TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY,
MUSEUM, HOTEL, CASINO AND ALLIGATOR FARM-- BUT POINT
TAKEN.
THE TRUMP LIBRARY, YOU KNOW WHAT I CALL IT, LIE-BRARY.
YOU UNDERSTAND IT, LIE-BRARY.
( LAUGHTER ) THE TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL
LIE-BRARY.
YOU HAVE TO SEE HOW I'M SPELLING IT IN MY HEAD.
SOUNDS LIKE I'M SAYING LIBRARY.
I'M NOT -- MOVING ON.
MEANWHILE, THE OUTGOING PRESIDENT APPARENTLY SPENT HIS
FINAL DAY IN OFFICE ISSUING AROUND 100 PARDONS.
"ONE HUNDRED PARDONS" SOUNDS LIKE A HUGH GRANT MOVIE.
(AS HUGH GRANT) "UH... PARDON-- YES, SORRY,
PARDON.
PARDON ME IF YOU WILL, I'M SORRY.
LOTS OF PRESIDENTIAL PARDONS TODAY.
TIM, DID YOU GET A PARDON FOR WHAT YOU'RE WEARING TODAY?
IS THAT PART OF A TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL PARDON?
>> HE'S NOT SEEING IT TILL TOMORROW, SO I'M OUT OF LUCK.
( LAUGHTER ) > James: LONDON'S HOUSE THAT
MEASURES JUST FIVE FEET WIDE -- ( LAUGHTER )
-- GET USED TO THIS, WHEN TRUMP IS GONE THIS WILL BE THE TOP
STORY ON THE MONITOR!
( LAUGHTER ) THIS WILL BE THE LEAD STORY!
WHAT DO WE GO WITH ON THE MONO?
I DON'T KNOW, A THIN HOUSE?
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT'S TRUE, LONDON'S
NARROWEST HOUSE, IT'S NOT EVEN BRITAIN'S NARROWEST HOUSE, IT'S
LONDON'S NARROWEST HOUSE MEASURES JUST FIVE FEET WIDE,
AND IT'S ON SALE, REG, AND I KNOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT HOW
MUCH IT IS.
IT'S ON SALE FOR $1.4 MILLION.
THIS IS THE HOUSE HERE.
LOOK AT THAT.
LOOK.
>> Reggie: WOW.
>> James: THEY SAY IT'S THE PERFECT PLACE FOR ANY YOUNG
COUPLES LOOKING TO RAISE AN INCREDIBLY SKINNY FAMILY.
IMAGINE LIVING HERE.
IT MUST BE AWKWARD WHEN YOU HAVE A DATE OVER AND ARE LIKE
"SO, SHOULD WE MOVE THIS TO THE BEDROOM?"
WELL, YOU GO AND THEN I'LL GO.
SORRY.
I MEAN, YOU STAND THAT WAY AND OPEN THE DOOR.
I'LL GO AND THEN YOU GO AND WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME.
AND WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS -- THIS WILL BE THE LEAD
STORY ON THURSDAY -- A WOMAN IN THE U.K. PURCHASED ONE OF THE
TBOOP CANDLES THAT IS MARKETED AS
SMELLING LIKE GWYNETH PALTROW'S VAGINA, AND IT EXPLODED INSIDE
HER HOME, CAUSING A, "INFERNO."
( LAUGHTER ) >> WHAT?
>> James: IT WAS A HUGE MESS, THERE WAS GOOP EVERYWHERE.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T THINK IT SAYS IT SMELLS
LIKE GWINNETT PALTROW'S VAGINA.
>> JUST A FLORAL SCENT.
>> James: SOMETHING ELSE OF A VAGINA OR HEARSE.
>> James: SPECIFICALLY.
YES.
>> James: GOOD TO KNOW.
IT'S NICE.
>> James: NICE, I'M NOT DENYING IT.
YEAH.
GWINNETT PALTROW'S VAGINA CANDLE EXPLODED IN A WOMAN'S HOME.
FORTUNATELY, THE WOMAN WAS ABLE TO PUT OUT THE FLAMES USING HER
JOHN HAM PENIS HOSE.
( LAUGHTER ) MOVING ON, SCIENTISTS ARE
ISSUING A WARNING ABOUT A RAPIDLY INCREASING POPULATION OF
HIPPOS IN COLOMBIA.
THEY'RE CALLED "COCAINE HIPPOS" BECAUSE THEY WERE ILLEGALLY
IMPORTED TO THE COUNTRY BY THE NOTORIOUS DRUG LORD PABLO
ESCOBAR, WHICH IS PRECISELY THE KIND OF IDEA THAT SEEMS GOOD
AFTER LOADS AND LOADS OF COCAINE.
( LAUGHTER ) WE SHOULD GET SOME HIPPOS, GUYS!
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, OBVIOUSLY, THERE'S A BIT OF
A LANGUAGE BARRIER WITH COLOMBIA.
DOWN THERE THEY CALL IT A "COCAINE HIPPO."
HERE WE CALL IT "DON, JR."
( LAUGHTER ) THEY'VE MANAGED TO ADAPT TO
THEIR ENVIRONMENT PRETTY WELL, BUT IF YOU LOOK CAREFULLY, YOU
CAN TELL THAT "COCAINE HIPPOS" LOOK A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT WAS NOT WORTH IT, THAT
GRAPHIC.
I'M SORRY.
THAT GRAPHIC HAS BEEN GRAPHICKED TO COME ALL DAY.
PUT IT UP AGAIN.
>> Reggie: OH, IT CAME.
IT'S HARD TIMES.
COVID.
COVID TIMES.
>> James: YOU WANT TO GET A GRAPHIC OF A COCAINE HIPPO, IT'S
DIFFICULT IN COVID.
>> Reggie: IT'S THE TIMES.