So that means it's hard for you to find a partner.
Yes it is. I am too picky. It's difficult.
I don't know what to do. That makes it hard to date someone in Japan.
You want him to do it?
I want to do it, but it's impossible.
I want him to understand that.
Hey guys it's Cathy Cat on the streets of Tokyo today. I am gonna ask
Japanese girls what problems they have when dating boys here in Japan.
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Let's go and ask Japanese girls.
What problems do girls in Japan have when dating?
I have too many requirements, like perfect height and such.
Do Japanese boys have many requirements?
I am the one who is too choosy here.
You're too strict. - I am!
What are your high requirements for a partner?
For example, he has to earn more than me.
He has to be taller than me too.
He should look my type and such...
His physique needs to be thin yet muscular.
He should also share my sense of fashion...
There is no end to my requirements.
That makes it hard for you to find a partner.
Yes I am too choosy. That makes it hard.
Now that I heard that, how is it with you?
I might... actually be the same.
Are you so choosy, because you are thinking of being together forever?
I am already thinking of marriage so...
That's why my standards are so high.
So you are strict now, but you didn't use to be like this?
I think I was a bit more ... relaxed when choosing before.
I have problems with giving gifts.
What do you mean?
Well girls are happy when they get makeup products and such, right?
But boys don't have something like that.
That's a real problem.
I don't know what to give them at all.
I have a problem. So in my case...
my emotions and the emotions of the boy I like seem to miss each other.
Can you describe that?
When I like him 100% he might only like me 50%.
At least I will think that.
Yes, Japanese boys have problems expressing their emotions.
Many are gallant but can't express their feelings.
You're not sure... - Whether he really likes me or not.
When you just start dating, boys do a lot of things for you...
but once you actually decide to officially be together, they won't do that anymore.
Does that happen a lot in Japan?
It's very common.
The women ends up taking the lead.
Fixing up a guys cleanliness, saving up money etc...
Nowadays, generally women have to suggest that to the guys...
and get them to do that. Boys just tag along with what she says.
Boys here are not very progressive.
Japanese boys take a step back then?
They leave things up to the girl? - Yeah.
They don't say how they feel, so girls don't know if he likes them or not.
And we won't know what he wants to do. That's a big problem for girls in Japan.
You said once you go out officially, he won't put effort into it anymore.
I heard this saying "You don't feed the fish that you already caught."
That's exactly what's happening!
I heard a common pattern is that boys stop trying once you start going out.
Yes that's true.
They feel like they have the deal once you go out. So they stop trying.
So before, he takes you to a nice restaurant, later to a families diner?
Yes that happens a lot!
Communication is a problem.
What do you mean?
When I am busy with work... he asks me to contact him...
and that's really difficult for me.
You are working hard, yet he wants attention?
- Contact meee - I WANT to contact him but...
I can't while I am at work.
I really want him to understand that.
What type of work are you doing? - I work in a pet shop.
That's not really a job where you can play around with your phone.
Is your partner a student?
Office workers can use their smart phones sometimes right?
But at your job...? - No I can't do that.
That's my problem.
Going out with a Japanese guy is a hassle.
What is such a hassle?
Before we are meeting, we have to decide when we are meeting after that.
But we are gonna meet soon anyways.
We are meeting soon, why do we already have to decide when we meet next week.
It's a real pain.
Saying "When are we meeting next" even though you didn't even meet yet.
- It's such a pain. - A bit suffocating. - Such a pain.
When do you prefer to set the date for the next date then?
After hanging out is good.
If you feel like meeting again, then you can decide when you meet next.
But on the way home saying "when are we hanging out?" I think "We just did."
WE JUST hung out.
Yeah that's how I get.
Recently, boys are wearing makeup too...
I feel like it's a girls only thing.
I don't want the boys to become so pretty.
Don't go that far?
It used to be a thing that was only for girls...
But if boys start doing their makeup too..
I will feel like I have to become better at my own makeup.
More pressure!
If I was not wearing makeup in my daily life, I'd feel pressured to wear it.
If you feel like going without makeup, but he is wearing makeup...
That would be terrible.
If I didn't wear it but my boyfriend did,
I would totally be against that.
Are there many men in Japan who wear makeup?
There are.
It's been a trend in Korea, and it's come over here.
Wearing foundation seems to be normal now.
Also colored contact lenses.
Boys here were colored contact lenses.
I thought it was a girls thing, but boys are doing it too.
Boys have eyeliner and such. There are boys who talk about what products they bought.
That seems to be normal.
They wear makeup. I actually feel like I am learning from them.
If you do it like that, my makeup will look better! I had an aha moment like that.
You learned from boys doing their makeup. - Yeah!
Do boys look more feminine if they wear makeup?
Some do boy to girl makeup.
Or they define their features.
They get a more dolly face.
They make their noses look taller and such. No girly blushes like we do but...
they prefer makeup that makes their facial features stand out.
And emphasize their eye.
Would you pick a no-makeup boy or a handsome looking makeup boy?
I like boys who wear makeup. I am ok with that.
I don't want them to wear makeup. They should do lots of sport and sweat.
That's my type.
If he did sport and his makeup dropped off, I'd cry.
One issue is this... because I wore this dress during the other date, this time...
I need to wear something else next time... so I probably should buy something
And then you end up buying lots of clothes.
So for dates you need to buy more clothes?
Yes, I might. It's expensive.
If girls say too much what they want, they get labelled as selfish.
But if you hide your needs too much, he won't know what to do either.
That's a real problem.
If you say "I want to do this or that" too much, boys think you're selfish.
You don't know how much to say what you want?
Yes.
Some people are too needy.
Needy such as? - Don't have contact with other boys but me...
Don't text anyone.
So he gets really jealous? - Yeah that's it probably.
Yes.
Some girls get that from their boyfriends.
That's kind of scary. - It is, right!
Boys who constantly want to be in touch are a pain.
If I have to write them text messages every day, I get annoyed.
If you get a message like "Why did you not reply to me today"?
That stuff is such a pain. - No doubt.
I am too busy for that.
How would it be best to contact you then?
Just a few messages a day are enough, if you like each other.
10 messages is too much for me. 5-6 is good.
If I like him,
Just from time to time like "Good morning".
I don't need a good morning message.
Daily things like good morning and good night are useless.
Pictures of something funny that he saw during the day? - Yeah stuff like that.
Thank you so much.
Where do girls in Japan have a hard time when they date guys?
One thing that Japanese girls said that Japanese boys don't express their emotions
as clearly as maybe they have seen for example in American movies.
Where everything is very romantic and men are able to express their emotions
in grand gestures. But in Japan many of the guys don't do that.
They don't talk about it that much. So they (girls) don't know how the other person feels
about them. So that seems to be a big issue,
there is not so much communication about love love love...
Also, there might be grand gestures while the guy is still courting the girl,
before they start going out, on dates they go to fancy restaurants,
put a lot of effort in. But once you start going out...
That's done. Not anymore.
They call it "Tsutta sakana wa esa agenai"
Which means the fish you caught, you don't feed that fish anymore.
That seems to be a big thing, because I heard lots of people say that.
It seems to be a big thing in Japan that the guys don't put as much effort
into it once they start dating.
One of my colleagues, she said well....
you have to give them a reason to feed the fish again.
Might be a big problem there.
Another thing is that boys are getting to pretty. That surprised me.
That lots of boys are wearing makeup.
I must say in my friends and circle of acquaintances I barely see that.
Apart from the Harajuku fashion walk, where everyone is very fashionable
you have seen it on my channel where I take you on the walk with all the people
dressed up in crazy stuff. Makeup there is totally normal but on the general...
general common base, even in my company I can't see any guys wearing makeup.
To be fair. That's maybe just their circle of friends.
Other thing is they don't know what gifts to give to guys...
they don't wanna be too selfish, come across as too selfish,
and give too many requests. And again, many are thinking of marriage...
Thinking of marriage, going out with someone they will be more selective
and date differently, than when they are very young and don't think about marriage just yet.
What is really hard when you are dating guy in your country?
Is there any problem? Guys do you see any problems that girls might have?
Girls in your country, what is really hard when you are trying to date a guy?
What do you wish wasn't like that or what would you like to have a little bit of help with?
Let us know. Looking forward to reading your comments.
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Hope you have a great day and catch you soon on Ask Japanese! Bye!