[Music]
[Applause]
in October 2016 my longtime friend and
conflict transformation superhero John's
roof walked into higher 107a room I
often teaching at Southern Methodist
University and blew up my class he
wasn't armed all he had to do is ask if
anyone was talking about the upcoming
presidential election you have never
seen 35 heads hit the desk so fast my
students were ahh I was and I'm gonna
kill you you may be just imagining
yourself in that moment but if you think
about it that question really shouldn't
freak us out why aren't we talking about
the upcoming election or race or guns or
immigration or other things that are
really important in our lives together
we're not talking about those things
because we are as polarized right now as
at any time in the history of our
country to show you what this looks like
I've got six very brave volunteers if
you'd come up on stage with me they'd
have no idea what I'm about to ask them
so if you all actually would be sort of
on this side of the stage and I need you
to make two lines so three people facing
three people so your backs half of you
have your back so we do that wing of the
stage your backs will be to that wing of
the stage to look at them yep okay and
actually need one more person over here
everybody needs a partner and if you
would make a bridge between you at about
nose level with your fingertips just
touching a little bit higher yeah there
you go
this is what the political landscape of
the United States looked like in 1994
based on work done by the Pew Research
Center so as you can see and actually
let me give you some detail so this is
people with I'm way too short
consistently conservative viewpoints
folks with consistently liberal
viewpoints and where people's hands are
in the middle in reaching there that's
where viewpoints about national issues
converged so as you can see there are
real differences and I don't want to
minimize the differences but there was
also a pretty significant mountain in
the middle if we want to think about
this as a landscape by 2017 that
landscape had changed so if everybody up
here would take about a half a step back
and then drop your hands to waist level
but still kind of touching yeah there's
what you're seeing is the loss of common
ground in our country and it's actually
worse than this by 2018 people were more
willing than ever to say that not only
did they disagree about those important
national issues but the people on the
other side of those national issues were
not only wrong but that they wished to
harm our nation so what happens in this
situation and it's kind of polarize
situation is we come really vigilant for
that harm we're looking for it and it
leads to the kind of stuck and
dysfunctional conversations that go very
quickly to talking points
you could probably all have an argument
with yourself about any major national
issue right now you know both sides you
don't have to listen maybe you've
trained yourself out of listening when
we do this when we're in these polarized
climates we're looking for that
vigilance and we're not listening we
flatten people so that woman across the
street who makes fantastic blueberry
muffins who knows everything about birds
who plays the cello just becomes Betty
the Republican in that moment or maybe
it's the guy down the street who's
always in the park with his kids he
loves a skateboard
who fixes lawnmowers who's on the PTA he
just becomes JJ the Democrat communities
like this like these like ours right now
are weak communities so you all up here
I have one more task if you would step
back so you can't quite reach each other
and actually lean away from each other
there now what would happen if a strong
disruption came along an earthquake or a
wind if you could act that out a little
bit yes rich thank you okay you having
way too much
that's actually the weak community
there's nothing there to catch you you
will fall down it takes a lot of courage
all right
to make the connections that will save
that communities because here's the
thing our communities are only as strong
as our ability to connect across
difference let me say that again our
communities are only as strong as our
ability to connect across difference but
that connection takes a whole lot of
courage you all can take your seats
thank you so much that connection takes
courage because we are hard-wired to
react against viewpoint threats
something that goes against a deeply
held belief or value or experience in
the same way that we react against
physical threats your body's really
terrible at telling the difference
between that person who just said that
thing that violates a deeply held belief
or value and somebody coming at you with
a baseball bat
and the same reactions that are really
useful in the physical fight right
fighting back running away freezing in
place lead to the kind of stuck and
dysfunctional conversations you could
all imagine when I talked about my
friend coming in and blowing up my class
that day by asking if anyone was asking
about the election it takes real courage
to overcome those reactions or to get
curious enough about something to
prevent them from happening in the first
place
classrooms are a perfect place to find
and practice that courage because all of
the same things that make speaking and
listening across difference hard around
our family dinner too
and places of work at the local bar also
exist in classrooms only in smaller
spaces with less comfortable seating
with people you don't choose to be with
and grades but classrooms are special
there are opportunity centers because
what we teach in classrooms isn't just
history or math or sociology it's how to
be together in a curious space and
getting curious about something leaning
into that curiosity is how we can
overcome that reactive self that can't
believe you just said that cat videos
are the best thing on the Internet
when we all know the chameleon videos
are the best thing on the Internet's
but that curiosity takes courage and
that creates that courage takes
structures to help it come out you might
think of it those structures as the
training wheels that can help us lean
into the wobble that comes from meeting
something new or different classrooms
are a really great place to put those
structures in place both for teachers
and students and that's something I've
come to call teaching brave because
teaching brave goes both ways
it both means that teachers have to
teach bravely I draw on their own
courage and that they needed help others
draw on practice and find their own
believe me this is not something I was
doing as recently as that last election
cycle there's a reason my students
freaked out at that question I had not
put the structures in the place so that
we could ask are you talking about the
upcoming election or tell me a story
that would help me understand how it is
you came to believe what you believe
about guns or abortion or immigration it
actually took a teacher it took my
friend that day who blew up my class but
then had their heads off the desk and
had them deeply engaged within about
three minutes to teach me that this was
something really important because I had
not been inviting those converses
into my class I had missed an
opportunity to be brave for me and for
my students I had really missed an
opportunity for them to engage with each
other and with the world so how do we do
it how do we teach brave we've been
working on this ever since and the first
thing is to make it a priority nobody
likes the current political and social
status quo as one of my students put it
last year she is and I quote waiting for
the death of Western civilization under
the weight of Twitter and all of its
friends friends was capitalized so when
asked if she would like to try listening
with curiosity and resilience to someone
with a different or even challenging
point of view he was game even eager to
try then curiosity really is a
superpower really people want to know
things and they want to be known so
taking the time to teach people to ask
curious questions as opposed to
rhetorical ones that just make a point
allows people to practice that curiosity
it opens up the space for that curiosity
folks get curious about each other about
viewpoints they even get curious about
course materials maybe you'll be curious
about Aristotle or statistics but again
curiosity is a skill and it takes
practice so we need to take the time to
teach it and then agree to use it in the
space of a classroom so that people can
exercise those curiosity muscles that we
all have we need to teach listening when
you think about it most of the places
we're in likes this one really
emphasized speaking or writing when's
the last time you got a grade or a
certificate or trophy for listening but
listening is a skill that can be valued
and practiced and taught teaching brave
means holding up listening as a value
and then giving people the tools to do
it better maybe this means asking people
how do you know you're being listened to
and could you please model those
behaviors or making agreement
do not interrupt or to ask those curious
questions based on something somebody
else said and finally teaching brave
means practicing brave a lot all the
time class discussions dialogues moments
of reflection before you speak or
conversations about how we want to be
together all makes that possible
every space were in classrooms social
spaces everything we do in those spaces
invites certain practices attitudes and
behaviors or discourages or even
prevents others we want to invite brave
in doing so I've seen my students do
amazing things two years ago it was a
woman who wrote in a reflection after
class dialogue that she had never before
told anyone what religion she is because
of things she'd heard about that
religion
she took the chance and she did it her
classmates listened carefully
and for the first time ever she felt
like she belonged last year I watched
another woman took a deep and troubled
breath before saying what was true for
her about a contentious issue knowing
that most of her classmates would not
agree she did it I also watched as her
classmates took a deep and troubled
breath listening with resilience and
then asked curious questions about how
it is she had come to hold that position
they didn't agree they did walk out of
class together to go study for the
midterm and that's what this is about
teaching brave isn't about teaching
conformity or even deliberation it's
about teaching with the possibility of
complexity of honesty of compassion of
humanization or maybe even something
more another student put it this way I
have come to understand that the way we
learn to love someone really love
someone is by listening really listening
to them what happens in classrooms has
the potential to go far beyond because
here's the secret every one of you is a
teacher
we are all teachers in our homes in our
houses of worship in our neighborhoods
at the grocery store at the gym but you
have to be brave enough to try thank you
you