• From denying the existence of a historical figure to playing tic-tac-toe with someone’s
poop, the Planet Dolan crew re-enact some of the best true stories from our subreddit
about the cringiest things people have said to us.
I’m Hellbent and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by FleshTearers Spinalpalm Spinalpalm worked at a convenience store for
3 years.
During his shift one night, a surfer dude in his late 40’s came in and started to
flirt with two college girls who were in town for spring break.
After hitting it off with them, they invited him to a party.
After accepting their invitation, the girls went outside to wait for him while he grabbed
a large sandwich and a large burrito.
After buying them, he looked at Spinalpalm and said, “By the end of the night, I'll
be eating the burrito out of one of these girl's assholes, and the sandwich out of the
other."
He then walked out and hopped into the girl's car.
Number 9 was submitted by reppupu Tolop One day, Tolop was walking downtown to meet
up with his friends.
As he was walking, he saw a small group of out of shape men in their mid-40's wearing
tights and homemade superhero costumes.
One of the men, wearing bright red garments with a picture of an illuminati fidget spinner
on his shirt, approached Tolop.
He asked, "Hey, do ya wanna join our crime fighting club?”
Tolop politely rejected his request.
Moments later, an elderly woman bumped into him by mistake, and he yelped just before
saying, “You won't get away with this!
You have a clever disguise, but your old woman costume doesn't fool me!"
He dabbed several times before saying, "Catch me outside, how ‘bout that?"
That’s when Tolop briskly walked away.
After a minute or so, he looked back and saw the old lady walking away and the man hugging
himself, crying.
He hopes the man has matured since then, but then again it wasn't that long ago.
Number 8 was submitted by HollowGhoul27 Spincess One day, during her lunch period, Spincess
and a few of her guy friends sat at a table to talk.
There was one other guy there, and none of them really knew who he was.
He just kind of awkwardly inserted himself into the conversation.
While they were talking to this guy, who already seemed like a very odd character, the subject
of milking animals came up.
As the conversation progressed, the odd kid looked at Spincess and said, "You're the only
one at this table who can actually milk yourself."
It may not sound that bad, but for Spincess and her guy friends, it was incredibly uncomfortable.
Number 7 was submitted by Paltato Andiemations During Andie’s freshman year of high school,
she and her two best friends were hanging out with a guy at the library.
During the conversation, Andie started to talk about Hamilton the Musical.
It was all fine and dandy, until he said, "You know Hamilton isn't real, right?"
Seriously… he said Alexander Hamilton wasn’t real.
Number 6 was submitted by Howdoyoudrawhair Pandora
Back when she was in elementary school, Pandora was known as “The Weird Kid”.
Therefore, everyone made it their job to bother her.
One day, while she was getting packed up at the end of class, a little boy walked up to
her and said, “I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle."
Pandora just slowly walked away without responding to the boy.
Number 5 was submitted by AGrimFate Ramona Ramona was trying to diet and exercise, and
had been sharing her efforts on social media.
One day, she noticed that a woman started to follow her efforts.
That would have been fine, except the woman would keep sending her the message, “You
want to know how to lose weight?
Drink skinny men's sperm!"
Ramona would stare at her comments, shocked.
It took 3 years for the woman to stop stalking her online, sending her comments and telling
her to join her study where women were drinking skinny men's sperm.
Ramona doesn’t even know what was going on in the woman’s head.
Number 4 was submitted by thisislilygaming Froggy
One of the cringiest things someone's ever said to Froggy was when she was on the phone
with her friend.
They would sometimes find pick-up lines and read them to each other.
Of course, they were only joking around and didn’t mean any of them.
But one that she remembers is one that her friend said to her: "Are you my homework?
Because I'm gonna slam you on the table and do you all night."
Yep, it was cringy.
Number 3 was submitted by _marsbars__ Honeybits Honeybits worked at a well-known ice cream
chain about two years ago, and one night she was working the night shift with someone she
got along with well.
She ranted about some creeps that would often come into the store or hang around, and told
her co-worker to be careful and always call the cops if she ever felt uncomfortable.
Her co-worker agreed, saying that she wouldn’t want to be raped and said she would run away
screaming while letting them rape Honeybits.
Honeybits was too shocked to call her out and avoided her like the plague until they
closed.
To this day, she still wonders what was going through her co-worker’s head to say that
to another person.
Number 2 was submitted by thekeatonfox Doopie Doopie used to work retail where she would
just walk around helping customers.
One time, a kid no older than 15, who was soaking wet for some reason, ran up to her.
She figured he maybe got caught in the rain.
He demanded that she followed him, which she did.
He ran into the men's bathroom, with Doopie reluctantly following.
When she walked in, he flung open the door to the handicapped stall and, depicted on
the wall, was a picture of the earth with people holding hands around it…
DRAWN IN HIS OWN FECES!
He then dug around in his pocket, fished out a turd, and offered it to her.
He asked, ''Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?''
Doopie said, “Sure, hold on!”
She walked out of the bathroom and radioed the manager on duty, but by the time he got
there the kid was gone.
He was almost caught brown-handed!
Number 1 – What was the cringiest thing someone has ever
said to me?