>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN MAKING HIS
NETWORK TELEVISION DEBUT.
PLEASE WELCOME, BYRON BOWERS!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH!
HOW Y'ALL DOING?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MY COUSIN HAS A FLIP PHONE.
AIN'T THAT SOMETHING?
2019, HE'S STILL GOT A FLIP PHONE.
LIKE, I TRY TO CONVINCE HIM TO GET A SMARTPHONE, BUT HE HAS
CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
"WHAT THE HELL DO I WANT A SMARTPHONE FOR, GOVERNMENT
TRACKING ME AROUND KNOWING WHERE THE HELL I'M AT."
"THEY KNOW WHERE YOU AT.
YOU'RE IN PRISON."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
"YOU AIN'T SLICK.
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON YOU GOT A FLIP PHONE.
AIN'T NOBODY SMUGGLING SMARTPHONES IN A BUTT HOLE.
THAT'S A FLIP PHONE HOLE.
WE LEARNED THAT IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL WHEN WE LEARNED SHAPES.
AM I RIGHT?
OH, Y'ALL ARE SLOW?
IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
IT'S FAMILY, THOUGH, MAN.
WE GOTTA FORGIVE HIM.
I SPENT THE PAST FOUR YEARS BUILDING A BETTER RELATIONSHIP
WITH MY FATHER TO BE HONEST WITH YOU ALL.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS GOING THROUGH.
I FORGAVE HIM YOU KNOW.
HE HAD QUITS SCITS FRENNIA.
YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
HE WOULD SAY SOMETHING AND I'D BE LIKE, "MAN, HE'S TRIPPING."
BUT FOUR YEARS AGO I TOOK ACID AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, I GET IT.
HE'S JUST TRIPPING."
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, YOU KNOW THE HARDEST PART ABOUT
SCHIZOPHRENIA?
SPELLING SCWI SCHIZOPHRENIA.
( LAUGHTER )
ABOUT IT!
IT WAS EMBARRASSING.
LIKE I WANT TO BE AN ADVOCATE FOR IT.
I WANT TO FIGHT FOR IT, BUT IT'S HARD TO BRING AWARENESS TO
SOMETHING YOU CAN'T SPELL.
( LAUGHTER )
IT WOULD BE EASIER.
( APPLAUSE )
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
I TELL YOU MY DAD GOT AIDS.
"OH, YEAH, I KNOW HOW YOU GET THAT.
YOUR DAD'S A FREAK."
SCHIZOPHRENIA IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT BALLGAME.
YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH SOMEBODY WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA.
I ARGUE WITH SOMEBODY WITH AIDS.
LeBRON JAMES IS THE BEST BASKETBALL PLAYER IN THE WHOLE
N.B.A.
AND THEY BE LIKE, YOU CRAZY?
MICHAEL JORDAN IS.
AND I'LL BE LIKE OKAY, THAT MAKES SENSE.
I GO TO MY DAD, LeBRON JAMES IS THE BEST N.B.A. PLAYER IN THE
WHOLE N.B.A.
"THAT AIN'T WHAT HE TOLD ME LAST WEEK?"
", WHAT?" "YEAH, I SEEN HIM SNEAKING OUT
OF THE ADIDAS STORE."
HE HAS A NIKE CONTRACT.
HE DON'T AWARE ADIDAS.
I KNEW IT WAS HIM.
HE HAS A QUICK FIRST STEP.
HIS SHOES SCWOOKD AND HE SAW HE AND HE SAID, SHHH.
AND HE KEPT GOING.
TRIPPING, MAN.
( LAUGHTER )
MENTAL ILLNESS.
WE DON'T.
WE WANT TO HELP PEOPLE.
WE JUST DON'T KNOW HOW.
REGULAR ILLNESS IS EASY.
"OH, YOU SICK?
GARGLE SOME WATER.
PUT SALT IN IT.
TAKE A SHOWER.
LET THE STEAM GET IN YOUR CHEST.
HAAA!
GET THAT MUCAS OUT OF THERE."
I TELL YOU MY DAD GOT A MENTAL ILLNESS.
IT'S LIKE, "DAMN.
YOU GOT TEA TREE OIL?
RUB SOME TEA TREE OIL ON HIS HEAD AND LET IT SOAK IN HIS HEAD
AND IT WILL KILL THE BACTERIA.
OR BLOW ON HIM HARD.
IT WORKED FOR MY NINTENDO WHEN IT ACTED CRAZY.
IT WILL WORK FOR YOUR DAD."
( APPLAUSE )
MYSELF.
EVERYBODY.
MY BLACK SUPREMACIST FRIENDS ARE LOSING THEIR MINDS.
YOU HEARD OF BLACK SMEM SIFTS.
THEY'RE LIKE WHITE SUPREMACISTS BUT THEY'RE BLACK.
THEY ALL SAY THE SAME STUFF, "WE GOTTA TAKE OVER."
I'M CONFUSED.
"WHAT ARE YOU TAKING OVER?
EARTH'S DYING."
IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE SOME.
THAT'S LIKE PEOPLE FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE "TITANIC."
"HEY, YOU ALL WANT TO GO TO FIRST CLASS NOW?"
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
LOOK, THEY GOT EVERYBODY EVERYTHING UP HERE!
THEY GOT PIANOS.
TAKE A PICTURE OF ME LEANING ON THIS PIANO!
I TOLD YOU WE WAS GOING TO MAKE IT.
WE STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM AND WE BLUB, BLUB, BLUB, BLUB..."
( APPLAUSE )
WITH DELUSION YOU LEARN WHAT TRIGGERS ARE.
YOU KNOW THAT EVERYBODY GOT TRIGGERS, ESPECIALLY THE POLICE.
SO BE CAREFUL.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING.
NOT ALL COPS ARE BAD, BUT I LEARNED SOMETHING.
I LEARNED YOU CAN TRICK THE POLICE.
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU? CAN OUT-THINK THE COPS.
I WEAR CAMOUFLAGE.
THAT'S HOW I DO IT.
THAT'S HOW I REMAIN SAFE.
WHEN I WALK AND DRIVE I WEAR A JACKET WITH AMERICAN FLAG ON IT.
COPS CAN'T SHOOT THE AMERICAN FLAG.
THAT'S DISRESPECTFUL TO THE FLAG.
( APPLAUSE )
COPS DON'T SHOOT PATRIOTIC PEOPLE.
YOU NEVER SEEN THE POLICE BE LIKE, "FREEZE."
AND THE BROTHER LIKE ♪ O, SAY CAN YOU SEE ♪
THAT WILL PIS THE POLICE OFF BECAUSE THEY GOT TO STAND THERE,
TAKE OFF THEIR HAT...
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND WAIT TILL YOU FINISH THAT SONG.
AND IF YOU CAN SING, THAT'S 20 MINUTES.
( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S MY TIME.
BYRON BOWERS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HIM ON THE SCREEN LATER THIS YEAR IN
"HONEY BOY."
BYRON BOWERS, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )