Are you married but in love with somebody else?
This can be one of the most difficult situations to navigate, especially if you still love
your spouse.
So what’s the right thing to do?
Hi, Brad Browning here… marriage and relationship expert, and today I’ll be talking about
just that.
What should you do if you’re in a marriage but you’re head over heels for somebody
else.
Well, the first question you should ask yourself is… do you still love your spouse?
If the answer is no, and you’ve been out of love with your partner for a while, then
the path forward might be a lot simpler.
You could try and buckle down with your spouse, get marriage counselling, and try and make
your marriage work… but, if you think you’ve done everything you can to make it work with
your spouse, then exploring the alternative option might be something you want to do.
Of course, decisions like this are never easy.
Finances, children, and family can all be considerations that you have to weigh carefully,
and there’s no “one size fits all” solution that can work for everyone.
However, if you still care deeply about your spouse, there are several things to consider.
First, you have to consider that you and your spouse have built a life together – like…
you’ve probably spent years getting to know each other and it is unlikely that there are
many people in the world that know you as well as your spouse does.
You know what you’re getting and your spouse knows what they’re getting too.
That’s a huge advantage.
And here’s another thing to consider: when you meet someone new and exciting and you
begin falling in love with that person, it’s easy to overlook this new person’s flaws…
or you might not even see their faults at all!
In fact, if there’s anything that I know for sure, is that this ‘new’ person does
have a myriad of other flaws that you aren’t aware of yet, even though your emotions are
telling you otherwise.
With your spouse, you already know what you’re getting.
Of course it isn’t perfect (and nothing is), but you have to realize that chances
are, things won’t be perfect with this new person either and you have to take that into
consideration moving forward.
Second, you know your spouse has committed to you.
They’ve been through ups and downs with you and yet he or she has supported you and
loved you through thick and thin.
The same can’t be said about your new love prospect.
How do you know they’ll be willing to tough out what you and your spouse have already
been through?
There’s a huge unknown there and that’s a risk that you’ll have to take if you leave
your spouse today.
Third, if you do have children with your spouse, you’re going to have to think about how
it’s going to affect their lives as well.
This obviously complicates the situation even more.
Fourth, there is a strong, psychological fault the humans go through when they see something
fresh.
It’s like that new, shiny toy that you really want but isn’t necessarily better than something
that’s tried, tested, and true.
A great way to think about this situation is to ask yourself how you felt about your
spouse BEFORE you met this brand new person.
Did you still love your spouse dearly?
Were you happy?
Could you still picture a strong future together with that person?
If the answer to those questions is yes, then it’s likely that the best action moving
forward would be to stay and try and make it work with your spouse… because chances
are, the infatuation that you feel for this new person might be fleeting.
Now, I just wanna say that if you want to try something a little more in-depth, you
can try taking the free quiz tool that I have on my website that will determine your chances
of saving your marriage.
To take this free quiz, just head on over to MarriageGuy.com/quiz.
It only takes a few minutes, and it will also give you personalized advice based on your
answers.
So go take that quiz after watching this video at MarriageGuy.com/quiz.
But if you feel like there are massive problems in your existing marriage and you’re totally
fixated on them, then your spouse deserves to know.
It’s therefore logical to voice your opinion and you actively try and make things work
out.
This is what marriage is all about.
When you decide to marry someone, you’re entering into an agreement that this lifelong
commitment will be the focus of your entire life.
You need to exhaust everything with your spouse before you even think about a life with another
person.
If you DO think that trying again with your spouse is the logical course of action moving
forward, that you absolutely must do whatever you can to make sure that this new person
is out of the picture entirely.
Remove their contact from your phone and social media.
If you work or are around this person on a regular basis, you must do whatever you can
to limit your contact with him or her.
The more out of sight they are, the more out of mind they’ll be for you… and you can
concentrate on making your marriage as good as it possibly can be.
For more information on how to revitalize your marriage, then I highly encourage you
to check out my video on the subject.
To watch it, just head on over to MarriageGuy.com.
Check that video out right after watching this one.
However, if all of this advice is something that you simply can’t relate to… if you
really did try to fix EVERYTHING with your spouse… and you know, in your heart of hearts,
that you’ll be way happier with this new person… then what you absolutely should
NOT do is engage in an affair.
I repeat, do not engage in an affair.
I feel like this is pretty obvious advice, but it needs to be said.
There are too many things that could go wrong with an affair, and if you choose to go down
this precarious path, you might be asking for a world of hurt if your spouse ever finds
out.
What you SHOULD do is get the wheels in motion as quickly as possible and file for a divorce
or separation.
There’s no point in prolonging the suffering for you, and you’ll be doing your spouse
a favor by getting out of a marriage that you’re not happy with.
But only do this if you’re actually sure about what you want here.
And when you decide to break the news to your spouse, do your best to try and remain calm
but unwavering.
If they sense a bit of hesitation in your actions, they’re going to try and fight
for you which will prolong the process and add to the heartache.
Overall, this is maybe one of the most difficult decisions that you’ll ever have to make
in your life… and it is indeed life altering!
So if you have any additional questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments section
below and I’ll do my very best to get back to you.
Or… if you think that your situation is totally unique, then you can think about enrolling
in my marriage coaching program.
For more information on this program, just head on over to MarriageGuy.com/coaching.
That’s MarriageGuy.com/coaching.
It’s way less expensive than marriage counselling and you can do it WITHOUT your spouse ever
finding out.
That’s all for today…
Good luck and talk to you soon!