- He's coding.
Nurse, get five cc's of parallelograms
and one Sega Genesis.
(laughter)
- Tik, tok, tik, tok, doopity doo.
I've got some medical laughs analysis for you.
Peewoop.
- [Female Speaker] You don't have a double chin.
What you do have is bad posture.
So all you need to do is two steps,
bring your shoulders up, back and down,
bring your chin slightly forward and then slightly down,
and look at the difference that makes.
(laughter)
- It's backwards.
No, you want to keep your shoulders open,
chest open, facing the world,
ready to take on challenges.
I don't know if you noticed,
I've started working out again,
I'm really sore and this really hurts.
- [Male Speaker] Things Tik Tok made me buy.
- Oh.
- [Male Speaker] This is a phone charger
that supposedly leads you
to the strongest power source in the entire house.
Oh no.
(laughter)
- Oh, it went to a mitochondria.
Powerhouse of the cell.
Touche.
(clapping)
Golf clap for that.
(laughter)
(upbeat music)
This gives new meaning to walking your dog.
Honestly, if my dog walked like that,
I wouldn't put it on a leash.
I would just say like look, my dog walks next to me.
I would hold its paw.
When you finally get that long white coat
and your boys invite you over to watch the game.
Students wear short lab coats, white coats,
and doctors wear long ones.
So if you ever see people in short white coats
walking around they could be students.
- I can't take it off. I can't take it off, like.
- Take it off.
- I can't.
- Take it off.
- I can't take it off. Like.
- Take it off. - I can't.
- You don't want to take it off.
I remember when I was a student
and I went through my white coat ceremony
and I had my white coat for the first time,
I remember pulling up to Coney Island Hospital,
parking my car two blocks away,
and proudly wearing the white coat
as I walked the two blocks from my car.
When really I still had like seven years of education left.
Mm. This is going to be stressful.
- Do you remember that patient
you saw yesterday for chest pain?
(somber piano music)
- Malpractice lawyers near me.
Fired doctor. Anything helps.
- Yes. How come?
- I ran into her today. She's doing so much better.
Thanks for your care.
- It's so true.
I will literally have someone from my office staff say,
"Oh, you know that patient you saw for something?"
And the anxiety levels start creeping up,
like, did something bad happen?
Did they file a complaint?
And it's not because that happens often.
In fact, that's really rare for it to happen,
but it, like, there's this fear
that you did something wrong
because you want to do right by everybody.
It is scary.
You want the best for your patients.
And as a doctor you're going to miss stuff,
you're going to misdiagnose things,
because patients' conditions don't always
present so clearly.
They take time to develop.
Part of the art of medicine.
- Oh. I have such a bad headache.
- I have essential oils.
- Wait, is this safe?
- Of course, doctors use it all the time.
- Essential oil.
- It literally cures anything.
Here. Breathe this for 30 seconds.
Keep breathing it in.
- It's burning my eyes.
- That means it's working. Closer.
You have to believe in it or it won't --
- He's just like chloroforming her with the essential oil.
- -- or it won't work.
- My eyes are literally burning.
- You're almost through the crystal.
Just keep breathing.
- I don't want to do this any more.
- He threw in a Reiki crystal.
- Just one more. Feel better?
- My headache's gone.
- I told you.
- Wait. Is that grapefruit.
- Yeah. Why?
- I'm allergic.
- So I don't have an essential oil for that.
- He's going to need an EpiPen,
and luckily he's not over the Atlantic Ocean.
If you haven't seen that story of mine,
Watch me as I try to break it.
(laughter)
- Oh, what?
Okay.
I don't know if this person is a legitimate doctor.
I don't know what the purpose
of fighting that saline implant was.
I don't know the durability of saline implants,
but I'd like to think they're quite durable.
I don't know if they're made
to be twisted and turned like that,
and I've actually had patients come in
who had an implant that ruptured, saline implant.
The one experience I've had was
a patient came in and she walked into this,
like the edge of her car door,
and she like, kind of turned in
and didn't expect the door to be there
and it punctured the implant.
Oh, that hurt.
But we right away got her an urgent plastic surgery eval
and it got figured out.
- Sweetheart, there's no need to worry.
You won't feel a thing.
- Why when anyone on Tik Tok
tries to play a female character,
they put a disgusting white towel on their head,
and they're like, oh that's somehow represents female hair.
- Okay?
(screaming)
- If you ever enter a pediatrician's office,
or a family medicine doctor's office,
there are screams galore.
That is part of the process,
because children are naturally nervous.
They get scared, there is stranger anxiety.
This is part of normal development.
When we give vaccines, even if it doesn't hurt that much,
it's scary.
Imagine a stranger bringing a needle to you.
So yes, there are screams all the time.
My strategy, is to give the child a distraction,
and sometimes a present before I do anything.
Not, I'll give you a lollipop if you listen,
but here's a lollipop so you'll listen.
- I just want you to know that I miss you and I love you.
Can't wait for this show to be over --
- Oh.
- -- so that I can touch people.
- Touch people. Mm.
No, honestly, like I want to go back,
this sounds weird, but to touching people.
I want to go back to shaking hands.
Insider, I don't know if you follow that,
it's an Instagram account,
they recently posted that,
like handshakes are about to become a thing of the past.
No, it's not, Insider.
Handshakes are an important part
of non-verbal communication for humans.
It's how we trust others.
It's how we show we have no weapons,
from back in the day.
But it's like a way to communicate with someone.
A handshake tells a lot about that person,
about your relationship,
about how you're going to communicate.
And the fact that there's a pandemic going on,
sure, we can suspend it now,
but it doesn't mean we need to be afraid of all germs
and become germophobic.
Pandemic, no handshakes,
no pandemic, handshakes.
See how that works?
We don't have to swing the pendulum the complete other way
every time something happens.
(upbeat music)
(laughter)
That's funny.
Oh my God.
So yeah, there is Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma,
and again, they're using the little towel
and the pillowcases for the hair.
I don't get it.
♪ Come with me and you'll be ♪
♪ In a world of hippaviolations. ♪
(laughter)
♪ Hippaviolations. ♪
- For those of you who don't know,
Hippa is Health Information Patient Protection Act,
(buzzer)
Health Information Patient Protection Accountability Act,
(buzzer)
Health Information Protection Accountability Act,
(buzzer)
oh no.
It's down below.
(orchestral music)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
When I was in the hospital and I worked a 36-hour shift,
I wasn't like,
(bell pings)
in fact, when you're leaving the hospital
after a 24-hour, 36-hour shift,
you're literally walking with your eyes half closed,
body fluids all over your scrubs, placenta on your shoe
if you're working in the OB department.
Residency is a hard time.
There would be a period
where I wouldn't see my friends for a month.
And they were like, where were you?
I'm like, ICU life, six days a week, 18-hour days.
Tough.
- Good morning, sexy doctors,
and welcome to "Hospital".
Six of you will die this season,
and I don't want to catch any of you
having sex in the on call room,
unless it's with me.
He's coding.
Nurse, get five cc's of parallelograms
and one Sega Genesis.
(laughter)
The chest compressions are like this,
and she's getting parallelograms and Sega Genesis,
which is the first ever video game console I've owned.
God, that's brilliant.
Medical dramas are so inaccurate.
Uh-oh.
Are they cutting into it with a Cuisinart knife?
That is not an approved medical piece of technology.
That's made for chicken and steaks.
That was a good flap.
I'm not going to lie, solid flap.
(laughter)
Was that supposed to be a delivery of macaroni's.
Those are little macaroni's.
How did they get the macaroni's inside the banana?
You guys are going to probably laugh at me.
Those aren't macaroni's.
Those are like fettucini's or,
God, what's like the long pasta called?
(frustrated grunt)
It starts with a Z, no it doesn't.
Let's give another huge thank you to ExpressVPN
for sponsoring this video.
The link is down below.
Click it to get up to three months free
and if you want to know how I got into med school,
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As always, stay happy and healthy.
Which one are clicking on?
(instrumental music)