- The energy of control creates resistance,
and many people that have controlling tendencies end up
not only resisting them actually manifesting what they want
but also they end up repelling either love,
they repel abundance,
they repel new opportunities
because control is creating a dynamic of resistance.
In this video, I'm gonna show you
the root cause of the control
and offer in a perspective on healing it
so that you can finally start trusting
the flow of your life,
trusting the universe, doing less,
getting more from simply being in the right energy
and in the right vibration.
What if we found out
that there is actually a root cause of control,
there's a reason we may be controlling?
We may be controlling in love.
We may be wanting someone to text us back,
things to happen a certain way.
We might be at the same time wanting
and obsessing about a job that we want,
trying to control our friends
and how they're showing up for us, our family.
Now here's the thing with control, too.
The more rules we have
for how people need to be
and how things need to happen in our life,
the more resistance there is.
Now imagine we're more general.
It's like, you know, what would it be to have a good day?
It's like, "Oh, you know, I wake up,
I feel gratitude,
and I just am doing X, Y, Z."
It's like real simple, right?
But imagine, it's like, "For me to have a good day,
I have to have my son or daughter do this,
I have to have my mom text me this,
I have to have this happen in this sequence,
and people need to show up for me like this,
and there's all these rules,"
it's gonna be way less likely that you have a good day.
Now the thing with vibration
and energy is how we feel translates
into what we experience.
So the more rules we have to what makes a good day
or the more rules we have for the way reality should work
under the power and the energy of control,
the more resistance there is
versus having a more general sense
of being able to go with the flow.
Because when we let go of control,
(Aaron sighing loudly)
we're able to relax.
And when we relax,
things happen in reality in a much easier way.
So first off,
just realize that control is a matter of letting go
of the desire for that power.
Control is like an ego desire.
Now let me first off say as well,
this is a pattern that I am working at shedding
and I definitely have in my own life.
There's aspects of my business.
My business for me has been always like,
my business in a way was my saving grace
out of getting out of the nine-to-five job
that I worked selling women's shoes.
I started making daily videos.
I started having this work hard
and kind of like focused mentality.
And I had to do everything.
I did my own thumbnail.
I did my own editing.
I did my own everything.
And then eventually, I kept growing.
And I'm like, "Man, I'm doing so much."
And it was so hard for me to let go of control
because I had this belief that nobody could do it
as good as me.
But guess what?
That belief was there to keep the energy
from childhood alive inside of me.
And that's what we're talking about in this video
when it comes to the root cause of control.
Now here's my theory on control.
Here's what I've noticed
in almost everyone I've talked to about control.
And all my friends,
we tend to attract each other.
Like attracts like, so I got a lot of friends
that also have these little control things.
Control is related to the energy of trust.
It's the other side of the coin.
Now most likely what happened,
and you let me know,
you comment below or like this video and let me know,
when you were in childhood,
did you have some way that one of your family members
or friends broke trust with you?
Maybe it was a parent that was emotionally unavailable,
a parent that walked out on you.
Maybe you were physically or emotionally abused
or sexually abused.
Many times the reason people have a control dynamic
is because there was trust that was broken at a younger age,
and then there was a decision that was made.
There was a meaning that was made.
'Cause remember, everything in our life
has no built-in meaning other than the meaning we give it.
But when we're kids,
we make a meaning,
and we say, "This means that I can't trust,
therefore I must draw the energy
and do it."
So trust has been broken.
So instead of trusting other people,
instead of trusting the universe,
it says, "I only trust myself
because I had to get myself
out of shit experiences growing up."
Now in a weird twisted way as well,
I look back to my childhood,
and there was a familiar energy in childhood of control
because many of you know,
if you've watched my videos or know, you know,
heard my story before of my ex-stepmom,
my ex-stepmom from 7 to 15 years old was in my life.
My dad was a nice guy people pleaser.
My ex-stepmom was a narcissist control freak.
And what happens is,
she was controlling my brother and I.
We weren't allowed to have friends.
We had to earn going to like school even.
Were not allowed to watch TV.
Like we had very interesting childhood
where normally we're just locked
outside doing yard work all day,
and really socially awkward and all this other stuff.
But we're in this little box.
My dad divorced her when I was 15 years old
when he finally woke up.
He's like, "Oh, we have all this freedom all of a sudden."
And in that freedom,
in not having to work outside all the time,
in being able to watch television
and eat enough food
and start looking healthy and all this shit,
guess what happened?
I started to feel anxiety.
(Aaron gasping loudly)
They call this Stockholm syndrome.
But I remember feeling, even though I had to,
my brother and I would have to watch television,
we would watch television when they weren't home.
And what we would do is,
one of us would be on the lookout by the window,
one of us would have our remote with our finger
on the previous channel button.
So that as soon as they came back,
we pushed that button and run outside
and continue to do yard work.
Even though that was the control dynamic,
there was something about that that felt safe.
It felt safe.
I knew what my little box was.
I knew what I was allowed to do and not allowed to do.
And I felt safe in it.
All of a sudden I have all this anxiety.
(Aaron gasping loudly) I'm allowed to do anything.
I'm allowed to have friends.
It felt very shaky.
It felt very uncertain.
So what happened?
Well, here's what happened for a while.
(Aaron laughing loudly)
What happened is,
after my ex-stepmom left my life at 15,
I attracted other people into my life
that were very similar to my ex stepmom,
very controlling, jealous even.
And they gave me a little box to be in.
And I was like, "Oh my God,
it feels so safe to be in this box.
Thank you so much."
And I was in that box.
But then eventually, you guys wanna know what I did?
I created my own box.
I created my own box
because eventually I learned and I stopped,
I like forgave my ex-stepmom,
and some of those people fell outta my life
that are trying to control me.
And I started to make the choice.
I control myself.
I will have the perfect diet.
I need to work my ass off all the time.
I need to do this.
I need everything to work out the way I want.
And I would be obsessive about things
because that was my little safety mechanism.
That's what I felt safe in.
And that's what kept me in this control mentality.
And that's what I've realized is,
control is a desire for power.
But if the power comes more from the ego
and it is so much burden on the ego's back
when there's a greater power at play.
The greater power at play
is your higher self flowing through you.
It's your higher self helping you
and realizing that your higher self is guiding you
in different aspects of your life,
whether you're aware of it or not.
I'll give you another example.
I just thought about this.
Okay, so I found out today, like, I've been,
let me just level out with you guys.
So this last week or two,
I'm in the process of,
I was in the process of buying a house.
I am now closing on the house tomorrow,
which is great news.
However, for this last week,
I was dealing with all these ups and downs
of figuring out this unshaky situation
where I didn't know what was gonna happen
because through all these technicalities I already,
I mean I'm not trying to brag here,
but I already have two other houses
and trying to figure out what I do with my life.
And it was kind of up in the air
whether I was for sure gonna get this house
because of the appraisal
and all these different things, right?
And I was in this mode
of like trying to control the situation.
But what I had to realize is,
this is what I did.
I had to keep just letting go.
If it's meant to happen, it will happen.
It felt very divinely orchestrated the way it happened.
The way this house happened is,
I found this house that I really liked
in the way it came up on online or whatever.
My real estate agent sent it to me.
And I was like, "Ooh, this is perfect."
The other two houses,
one's in Downtown Austin, Texas,
the other's in Sedona, Arizona, I love them.
However, I realized that I didn't wanna live in Sedona
because it was a little bit too far away
from everything else.
And I wanted to be more in like a city
where it's easy to travel.
It was so hard to travel in Sedona
because you had to drive an hour and a half
to get to Phoenix to then go somewhere.
And I travel a lot.
So then I moved to Austin.
Thinking I wanted to live in downtown,
and I'm around all this energy and all this city stuff,
and I said, "No, I wanna be in nature."
So now I am moving to that part of Austin
that is very nature-y,
a lot of, I'm on like a couple, like four or five acres.
I've got this huge view.
I've got this beautiful,
like I'm excited about it.
However, just to give you context
as to why I'm getting another house
'cause some people are like, "What if somebody hire you?"
So that's why.
But now that I move into that house,
there was this,
what I had to realize is I had to let go of outcome
and say, "If I'm meant to be in this house, then I will."
Because everything started lining up perfectly.
The house I'm in now,
the guy that owns it is like,
"Oh, you can break the lease."
That was a big thing.
Am I gonna be able to break the lease of this house
so I don't have to pay this much rent when I'm not in it?
The appraisal coming back was a big thing.
Everything came back perfect.
And I had to keep trusting.
But what I had to eventually do was just let go
and say, "If this is meant to happen, it will happen."
I had to trust.
And I had a memory too.
Before I went full time on YouTube in 2017,
I wanted to get a job.
I was working at Barneys New York,
I wanted to work at Neiman Marcus.
Neiman Marcus is a very similar business.
You got more commission.
I think they got 10% commission.
And I really wanted to work there.
And I was gonna apply,
and I think I did apply,
and I was waiting for an interview.
And what ended up happening is, I didn't get the job.
And I was kind of sad about it.
It was like, "Oh, I wanted to make more.
I would've made more money there."
I had friends working there
that were making like 80, 90K a year
versus like the 60K a year I was making at Barneys,
and I was bored at Barneys.
But what I realized is, I look back now,
and it was a blessing
that I didn't get that job going to Neiman's.
Because if I got that job going to Neiman's,
I may have not then made YouTube videos
to get out of my situation.
So realize that sometimes if things don't happen
the way you want,
if you can trust,
if you can realize
that your higher self has a larger vision of your life.
And the more you can let go,
is the more you will then change your state.
And the more you change your state,
the more you will then see your reality shift
on the outside.
Your reality will change in a magical way.
And it becomes so much easier
because you don't have to do everything.
And when we talk about trust,
what you're really learning to trust in
is you're learning to trust more in yourself.
You're learning to trust in something greater than you.
And when you realize,
it does take courage to trust,
but you don't have to be in that inner child
that made you feel wounded,
that may have felt like that trust was broken.
You could reintegrate that
and like start to develop this trust with the universe,
with source energy, with God,
whatever name you wanna give,
this greater energy than ourselves.
And what you wanna realize is,
you can develop a better relationship with the unknown.
Most likely as kids,
something happened that was out of your control
so you made a choice, "I'm going to control."
And your relationship with the unknown wasn't so great.
How many of you guys like had parents that divorced?
Maybe one of your parents divorced.
And what happened is,
it's like, "This is outta my control.
Why are my parents divorced?
Am I not good enough?
There's something that happens."
And it's like, "Okay, I'm gonna control life.
And I'm gonna make sure everything happens well."
Well, guess what happens?
It's very challenging to control relationships.
Have you ever tried it?
This person will feel this way about me
and do this for me and do this
and this is how everything's gonna go.
It's doesn't work that way.
There has to be this like letting go,
this letting go of outcome,
this letting go of control,
this letting go of the past,
meaning that we gave when we were kids
and start to develop a relationship with the unknown.
My girlfriend has an interesting perspective on this
because she's like, "I love the unknown."
She's like, "I love the unknown.
The unknown for me is like everything."
She finds safety in the unknown.
Because I don't even actually know why.
(Aaron laughing loudly) I didn't ask her why.
But her childhood was a little bit different.
She had controlling parents.
She had a little bit of controlling parents.
Her dynamic is a little bit different.
But she's like,
I mean she's also more feminine.
So she's in this feminine flow of like,
you know, timing.
We just joke around it
'cause time isn't necessarily her forte.
But she's also just in this flow of like,
she's in the flow of life.
Everything will happen when it's meant to happen.
And that's how she lives her life.
And it works very well for her.
But there's a lot of stuff I can learn from that
because I'm like, "Oh I can just let go,
be in the flow, have fun."
It makes it so much easier.
But unknown is a very,
unknown is also where all magic happens.
The more I trusted the unknown,
the more good shits happened to my life,
just the way it's worked.
And then the more I've given it up and said,
"Oh, source energy, God,
whatever can help this to flow through,"
the more good things have happened.
Now another thing I noticed is that the future focused,
a lot of times the control is trying to control the future.
So the energy isn't in the present moment,
the energy's on something that hasn't happened yet.
That's a pattern from childhood,
from trying to ease the anxiety
of the safety net,
of trying to get everything to happen
and control in a certain way.
But the truth is,
when you start being more present now,
bringing the energy into the body,
you start being here,
you will notice that your life changes in so many ways.
So the key is getting out of the rigidity
to control the non-trust
and begin to trust a larger aspect of self,
begin to trust God, source energy,
the higher self,
whatever name you wanna give this to start to flow through.
And as you do,
and as you also start to heal your inner child,
your entire life will begin to change.
One of the most powerful meditations I have is on healing
the inner child,
where you energetically go to Kauai, Hawaii,
bring forth the inner child
and heal the patterns of the past,
which will change your present moment.
If you haven't done that meditation yet,
I highly recommend it, it's completely free.
Go to aarondoughty.com/child
or click the link in the description marks below.
And realize that for this whole process
of surrendering and letting go,
if you wanna go deep and really shed this pattern for good,
then watch this video right here on surrendering,
letting go of control.
It'll help you to do that in a very powerful way.
Letting go is actually very easy
when we allow it to be easy.
Letting go is only hard
because we believe that one, it has to be hard,
but the main reason.