Welcome to the first installment of what if Star Wars was on Earth. Thank you to everyone
who left their contributions in the comments. If you want an episode 2, make sure to get
this channel to 20,000 subscribers. Enjoy the story.
Yoda sat gravely in his customary seat, surrounded by all of the other members of the Jedi Council.
With a great worry he revealed the discovery of an intergalactic rift. Before the meeting,
he had conversed the matter with his former Padawan now fellow Council member, Mace Windu,
and made it clear for this operation to remain unknown to anyone but them. Not even Supreme
Chancellor Palpatine, who Yoda had since become suspicious of, must be made aware of the plan.
All the Jedi moved to their LAATs with other important figures, and boarding their cruisers
they entered the rifts’ coordinates, but in their haste to get away they fail to notice
that they were not alone. Already ahead of them, the separatist fleet neared planet earth
through light speed, but several ships were hit by asteroids, and were either destroyed
or crippled when the fleet passed through towards the atmosphere. Plunging is separate
locations, the Separatist Alliance and the Sith hoped for survival.
Back in the Republic Cruiser, Jedi Grandmaster Yoda gazed upon where the coordinates had
been inputted into the navi computer by the clone officers. Looking at some of the details
produced by the Republic database, never before had he viewed such a world within his own
Galaxy. Upon appearance, the planet in his eyesight resembled a mixture of Alderaan and
Naboo; however, multiple bodies of water parted the several landmasses, one being a large
ice shelf in the southern region of the globe. As he was deep in his own thoughts, one of
his commanders reported of the cruiser ahead of them encountering asteroids. Relaying the
dangers of the route to Master Kenobi, Knight Skywalker, Padawan Tano, and Senator Amidala,
he was too late, as soon the Republic fleet fell apart, and like the Separatist Alliance,
fell to planet Earth. Yoda opened his eyes. Immediately around him
were a variety of plants and flowers, and he saw some seagulls, but getting to his feet,
he found these to be an anomalous feature in the area. Walking to the closest pavement
Yoda frowned. Why were people pointing at him and calling him a large frog? Joining
a crowd of pedestrians to cross a busy street, Yoda was offended by the 5 fingered crossing
sign telling him to wait. Were they making some kind of mockery of a Jedi mind trick?
Finally crossing the road, Yoda was feeling hungry since he had consumed the ration packs
on the cruiser, and enters a diner. Looking at the menu, Yoda failed to recognise any
of the foodstuffs on offer, but the Force guided him to order an American breakfast.
Eating the food on his plate, Yoda found the eggs to be scrumptious and he failed to contain
his flatulence. Paying for his meal with Republic credits, which were accepted through a mind
trick, he left the diner. Yoda was looking for more eggs to eat, as well as signs of
the other Jedi, and entered a small shop. Yoda supressed his frustration at the lack
of eggs after HowToBasic went into the store, but purchased some candy to compensate, and
then found a Walmart. Unfortunately for the Grandmaster, it was a Black Friday sale at
Walmart, and he saw everyone fighting over the $90 TVs. Using his small frame to his
advantage, Yoda leapt over the top of the crowd, and Force pushed them all out of the
door. Behind him Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano rolled around the corner in the shopping
cart and were chasing Obi-Wan. The bearded master turned around to see Anakin sitting
in the cart, with Ahsoka pushing him at full speed heading straight towards him. He immediately
jumped out of the way, landing in a cart of apples, and looked up just in time to see
Ahsoka stopping and letting go of the cart, Anakin was sent flying into a stack of watermelons.
The staff hurry to the scene, but Ahsoka told them that this was Jedi business, and waved
her hand so they walked away. Yoda had expected Obi-Wan to be furious, but he was enjoying
the hilarity far too much. Nonetheless, they decide it would be a good idea to leave the
store, before they could cause more trouble. Ahsoka was angry that the Walmart had none
of her favourite foods, and Anakin likewise was angry, because someone had just bought
the last bottle of his favourite drink. Nonetheless, Ahsoka and Anakin walked out of the supermarket
with three stacks of toilet paper, assisted by some clones, but if they had stayed for
several more moments, they would have encountered a familiar foe. The Kaleesh Warrior General
Grievous stomped into the store, disappointed that all the beans at all other shops were
sold out, and he was willing to go to great lengths to add more fine additions to his
collection of beans, all of which he gathered since crashing to Earth. He would not admit
this to Dooku, but these were far more appealing than lightsabers. Speaking of the Count, Grievous
rescued a holoprojector from the wreckage of his destroyer to contact the CIS leader.
Dooku looked saddened, mainly at the lack of Kyber Crystals on the planet, but also
due to the stupidity of Asajj Ventress. Ventress was looking happily at Dooku, and with one
question, she thought she could begin the greatest Schism the Jedi Order had ever faced,
by questioning the choice of Pizza toppings. She needed to be punished by Darth Sidious.
Reaching out to his master, Sidious is of course alive, but in a state of inebriation
from Irish Guinness. The hologram in front of Dooku changes to a more serious setting,
and Palpatine walked into a Senate meeting and declared that he was the Senate. Dooku
and the Separatist Alliance have to adapt to this unexpected move, and try to find a
location to reconvene away from the Jedi. Back outside of Walmart, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka,
Anakin, Yoda and a group of clones, walked amongst the streets, before they bump into
Padme. Padme is shocked to see them, and reveals the news about Palpatine. Anakin escorted
senator Amidala into the nearby headquarters of the United Nations, so she could address
the many nations of Earth, not knowing that Master Secura was already wanted by the organisation.
Whilst they waited, the group go to browse more shops. Entering an electronics store,
Anakin frowned at the lack of technology that was present, but persisted to find the internet.
Anakin is outraged at the inconsistency of the wifi connection and in a fit of anger,
he shattered his laptop. using a move from a comic he had read. Beside him Ahsoka could
not stop reading Reddit, and was intrigued at the content on streaming services, such
as The Mandalorian on Disney Plus, which seemed all too familiar to her home universe. Hearing
Anakin’s loud orders, Ahsoka repaired his damage. She did not think that being a Padawan
meant she had to do Anakin's errands for him. Obi-Wan wants to calm the two younger Jedi,
and takes them to a restaurant. Yoda, despite having had a breakfast, is hungry again. Entering
a restaurant that doubled up as a nightclub, Ahsoka ate a delicious chicken-based meal,
earning death stares from Anakin, whilst Yoda and Obi-Wan sampled the Italians delicacies
on offer. Obi wan eats pasta without a fork, much to the smugness of Anakin, as he was
the leader of eating pasta with the force club. On a neighbouring table Admiral Ackbar
was very mad about anchovies on his pizzas, but Obi-Wan was too busy gorging on pasta
to notice. Leaving the restaurant, the Jedi head to a Publix supermarket, and Ahsoka and
Anakin wait in the Deli line. Anakin soon loses patience and asks Ahsoka to remain in
the queue, allowing him to roam the rest of the store. Rounding a corridor, Anakin see
kids making a tik tok and he pulls out his lightsaber ready to purge them all, alongside
the karens he had bumped into. The power of the Chosen One proves to be intimidating,
and the kids scuttle outside, attracting the attention of nearby police officers. Ahsoka
rushes back to Anakin, and she asks if she can help with anything. Anakin responds by
running out of the door, and force pushing a police car to make quick work of the officers.
Walking back to the UN headquarters, Padme emerges, whilst Anakin looked sheepish, putting
his hand through his hair. One of the UN representatives had followed Padme, and pointed aggressively
at Anakin, stating that the power of the Force was insignificant compared to that of a nuclear
weapon. The Jedi knight clenched his hand, Force choking the representative, earning
a glare from Obi-Wan. Anakin’s actions had caused not only more police to arrive, but
also the military, which Rex was impressed by, but they were no match for their shinies.
The Jedi and the clones discretely scuttle away, and take a light aircraft from a nearby
airbase, flying away thanks to Anakin’s natural flying instincts. Eventually, they
run out of fuel, and land in a rather barren desert. Anakin gasped at the amount sand,
feeling uncomfortable and offended, but at least the sand on Earth was better. Getting
off the plane, Ahsoka threw some sand into Anakin’s face, and he sneezed with frustration,
leading the group to something he had spotted in the distance. Walking closer, it is the
remains of one of their ships. They manage to retrieve a holoprojector from the wreckage,
and search for signals from any remaining Jedi. After a brief moment, the figure of
Mace Windu flickered into view. Except it was not the Jedi master. Windu had been injured
in his fall to Australia, and as he was recovering, he bumped into Samuel L. Jackson, who had
been on vacation. Asking him to pose as him at the council meeting, he is soon joined
by the Gungan Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar had landed close to Windu, and was currently equipping
the Korun master’s lightsaber, not discreetly hidden in his robes. Rather than help the
Jedi master, the Gungan had been on adventure, as he had beaten the President of Australia
at Ping Pong whilst visiting a school, then somehow started a Youtube channel of his own.
Holding up a LEGO Star Wars 501st battle pack, Anakin’s feels a tinge of jealousy, but
restrained himself. Suddenly, their transmission is interrupted. Palpatine is up to no good.
The drunk Supreme Chancellor had declared himself to be the new president of the galaxy,
firstly declaring war on the UK and all their allies. To Earth, WWIII had begun.
That is it for part 1 of what if Star Wars on Earth. If you’d like to see a part 2
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